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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy 2010

2009 has been a different year. If you would have looked at me January 1, 2009 & been like "Jamie your year is going to be like this..." if you would have told my sisterinlaw was going to get pregnant again & have a babygirl but that baby girl was going to have a chormosone thing called T18 & was only going to live for 63 minutes & that I was going to be very angry with God for a very long time.. and that I was going to have a literal breakdown in front of about 15 people at church camp.. I would have looked at you like you were insane.

However my year did hold that. Nikki did get pregnant with the most perfect babygirl I have ever laid my eyes on. I don't think even my own children could measure up to her perfection. She did have a disorder called T18. & she did only stay here for 63 minutes. Those are times I'll never forget.. I was mad at God for a very long time. I tried to find light in the darkness of the situation, but you know.. sometimes it's hard. I chose to give God the "cold shoulder" -- take my advice & never do that. Lean on Him & let Him direct you. That was in all honesty the hardest thing I've ever went through. & even when I told Him it was okay that I wasn't mad anymore and that I wanted to come home. He let me know I was welcome but I had some reprocuations of some serious silence. A silence that lasted 3 months.

Other things in my life that will remain unspoken happened also so it wasn't all because I gave God the cold shoulder.

Most of everyone I've told has thought I was crazy.. even CM. However, when I met CM, he was just amazing to me. We decided that we didn't know what God wanted in our lives but believed God had lead us to each other & that we should pray about what to do next. God had been silent to me for three months & in that three months I continued to pray because I knew God was there.. so I prayed about the CM situation & in the midst of my prayer I felt God's precense. I will never ever forget that night. I felt Him. I cried.. haha, I don't think I've ever cried that hard because I could feel Him. It had been so long. It was a foregin feeling but a feeling that is so undescribable & amazing.

Now you can understand some more why CM is so important to me. God used him.. I believe. One of those things where God works in mysterious ways & uses people you would never expect.

By the way. Things have gotten a lot better. I didn't even disect anything today:) I got a very.. what's the word?.. sweet text this morning. & it's just gotten better. I truely believe God sent CM my way and my mind will never change about that. That's why all of this has been such a big deal to me. I thought I was going to lose someone that had such a big impact on my life. && for once in my life, I thought it was worth it. & I felt like I had something to fight for:)

This is all so jumbled. I'm sorry. It's 2:00am & I'm tired. We had a wonderful watch night service and God came by just like we all asked Him to do. I love Him so much & thank Him for His wonderful glory that He graciously bestows upon me and my family & my friends.

I may have grew up in a bubble. && at times I disliked my parents for that bubble. But, now.. looking back I thank God for that bubble. Because without it I know for sure I wouldn't be where I am today. My life is beautiful. Even though it has some clouds of gray & showers of sadness. However, if we didn't have the bad days what would be the need for prayer? If we didn't have bad days.. why would we need God? So, I thank Him for the bad days. & I thank Him for the good.

My song for today: "I Have Been Blessed"..
God is so good to me.
Precious are His thoughts of you & me.
No way could I count them..
There's not enough time.
So I will just thank Him for being so kind.
God is so good, so good.
I have been blessed:)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Getting Better?

I suppose you could say that. If I was a simple person that didn't look at anything twice and analyze every detail.. well I wouldn't be Jamie if I didn't do that. However, if I was like that then I could say that it wasn't getting better. However, since I'm a disector then it is getting better. I take every text as getting better depending on what it says and what the attitude in the text says. Call me weird if you like. He does. Hahaha, so does everyone else.

I'm still tired of feeling like straight up crap. On a good note.. I haven't cried today:). I've kept my day busy and have filled my mind with other things. I have, on the other hand, figured out that when you are in the quiet of your home at night before you go to sleep everything you could have been thinking about all day comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks. I'd rather it to be a ton of feathers. Even though they way the same the landing would be slot softer. Unless of course they were packed together. Hmmmm.

Anyways!! It does. So I haven't cried (knock on wood, wish on a star, and pray).

Speaking of stars... I can't see any because it is snowing AGAIN! I'm one to enjoy the snow. Not so much when it's been here for two weeks and the whole town stops production when it hits the ground. I refuse to be stuck in this house again because my best friend is out of town and can't come save me. BTW: I miss her. & can't wait till she comes back home.

I watched Paranormal Activity today. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Creepy, yes. Scary, not so much. But of makes meno less scared of the dark. Just saying. Want a laugh? Thought so.. stupid me thought it was real hhahahaha. Because I'm cool and got that into it. I thought it was real footage. I liked the movie though.

Have any of y'all seen it?

Disclaimer: from my itouch ignore mistakes.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Like You Care.

Thought I'd update you on CM for all three of you that read my blog.

Uh, not a whole lot has changed. Just a little. He talks more and isn't so distant. I took my amazing SIL's advice and did not pretend that I didn't know him because when I thought about that would have made things so much worse. I really do care about him. I mean.. I just do. God knows because I talk about it with Him all the time. Things are just different and after talking to CM, he didn't find anything different. He's just "scared to get hurt". I care about his feelings and I understand that he has been hurt a lot in the past but if I hear it one more time... Anyways, is it necessary to compare me to those girls? Because I can promise him one thing, I'm nothing like any girl he's ever met. Most everyone knows that. My dear ol' dad told me the other day "there aren't many like you. In fact, there's none like you". That was in the middle of his "I'm proud of you" speech. Which by the way are my favorite speeches:).

BACK ON TRACK! One more question.. Is it necessary or fair to put me with those girls? Liking he is waiting for failure. && to keep from getting hurt he accidentally hurts?

Why in the midst of all this confusion... I still find him as perfect as I ever have?

So many unanswered questions. So much time.. I need a life. Hahahahaha.

(once again coming from my iPod touch. Sorry for mistakes:))

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My Favorite Part of Christmas..

No, it wasn't getting what I wanted.
&& it wasn't seeing my nephew get a thousand toys.
&& it wasn't about seeing my sisterinlaw's nephew get a good Christmas.
It wasn't about the Christmas Play @ church (even though Jesus is the reason for the season!)
No.. it was about this.
Seeing my nephew play in wrapping paper & having the time of his life.
Even though he got:
-blocks
-guitar
-tricycle
-tent
-guns
-laptop
-etc...
He loved the wrapping paper. Don't you love how kids find the simple things?
I wish I could do that more often...
Just find the simple things:)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Catchup on the last three weeks..

Why do I find the need to blog endlessly about a guy? Because I have nothing better to do with my life. Okay so before I get into this too deep.. I met someone. && no he infortunatley does not live here. Anyhoo.. We have talked for about 3 and a half weeks. Before you go weird on me let me inform those of you who have followed me from the beginning.. T has nothing on this guy. Never has and never will. This new guy.. Shall we call him, uh.. CM. That's not obvious, anyways!!!

When me and CM started talking no joke he is like the boy version of me even my dad said "this could be the boy I have been praying for". When my dad says something nice about a guy and then let's me call him after meetig him online.. that's crazy my friend. Because my dad doesn't care much for the good ol' 'net. Which I understand when it comes to all the things that have happened to people on there and stuff. Anyways. When I started talking to CM it was awesome. We have just about everything in common which is a big deal to me because I never have everything in common with a guy. The thing that we had in common that we had most of all was God. If you know me or even half of my heart of hearts you would know that Godliness is NUMBER 1 thing on my Guy List For God. I have always wanted to meet someone that loved God as much as me and we could build off what He wants in our lives and that's what me and CM have done. We started praying about it all......

Long story short? Because I know if I were you I'd be begging me to just give me the short story because this is boring.

He is so scared of getting hurt he basically pushes me away. Not on purpose. It just happens like that. So on accident he hurts me to keep from getting hurt. He then decides that maybe we just moved too fast and I agree with him and we decide to start over...

I'm going to point out bow ridiculous it feels to sit there and pretend that we don't know eachother. Because I know what makes him tick... what makes him happy, sad, angry, laugh... && I have to pretend I don't.

Any words of wisdom? Don't diss me 'cause I'm young. Give me some real advice and encouragement.

This is coming from my itouch so apologies about anything misspelled or whatever:)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

:) :) :)

I love making DVD's if you don't know. Taking pictures and videos and putting them to music or words and it's just a lot of fun and they mean a lot to the people you give them too. I always make them around Christmas time because it's a good meaningful-from-the-heart gift. & it will make you cry and laugh your hindend off at the same time! Because yes, me.. I am cool like that!
We (as in my best friend & I) have been trying to make a video for a friend of mine.. and we are trying to be serious but we just keep cracking up. It’s so funny. I think I’m going to send them to my friend anyways.. because it’s the real us acting crazy. It’s a lot of laughing and camera shaking because I can’t be serious.. Ever. It’s impossible to be serious when you are with your best friend. True story.

You probably do not care that I had to pee. (Sorry). But.. that's what happens at 1:someodd time in the morning and you have been laughing for an hour straight. This isn't the funniest one. I deleted the way funny one on accident"/.. I was upset. But it's okay.. we will make more funny ones! Plus when I'm 70.. it will be fun to sit around with her & watch them:).. Because yes, we will be bestfriends forever.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jesus Take Everything!

If you know me in the slightest you know that I express myself through music. I find music that describes how I feel in that certain moment or even that day.. I absolutey love to find songs that describe how I feel about my Savior.. I have two that are on my top list right now. They are called "Find You Waiting" by DecemberAdio and "Take Everything" by Seventh Day Slumber.
The one you get to experience today is Seventh Day Slumber. I recently found this band about two months ago and they are absolutey amazing. Joseph Rojas (the lead singer) has a beautiful testimony. God saved him from crack addictions and all sorts of things, you should look him up.
I can honestly say they are my all time favorite band EVER! It's just an amazing group. He said that he started singing because he wanted to give something back to God for all God had done for him. && music was one thing he was really good at.
I have had this song, and many of their other songs on my iTouch for so long and I know the words but sometimes it's where you like the music and you know the words but you never really LISTEN to them.. well in the video below, he spoke the words before he sang some of them.. && it spoke volumes to me.
ENJOY! :)
Another melody,
Another empty song,
I tell myself that I have praised you,
And try and make believe
This is all you want
But once again I know
I’ve missed it.
Praising you is not just the songs I sing,
Jesus here I am
Take everything
Take the pain inside,
Take the brokenness.
Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.
My arrogance, my pride,
The loss of innocence,
Jesus, take everything.
There’s nothing left I need,
That’s when I feel alive.
Holy Spirit fall Fresh upon me,
You can have it all.
Take the pain inside,
Take the brokenness.
Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.
My arrogance, my pride,
The loss of innocence..
Jesus, take everything.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.
Amazing love,How can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love,I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.
:)
It truly is amazing love.
I can't believe that, above all things.
He loves me more than anything.
&& you if you didn't know:)
Thank you my God!
I love you.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Kory!

I don't agree with how he lives his life, and he knows that..
But he's still my cousin and we have still been there for everything in each others life. && even though sometimes he breaks my heart, I still love him very, very much.. & so does God. He's the only friend I've had since birth & I love him a whole bunch!
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BIG BIG COUSIN!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Johanna

I'm not the one that talks about Johanna alot. But I was doing my bible study tonight and I thought about her because today we had a luminary service at her grave, it was neat.

This verse is what I wanted to share with you:

John 4:11 says "...This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby"

So true, huh?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I figured something out...

I've never told anyone because I didn't want to sound "stupid" or "ridiculous" but, God has been silent to me for almost 3 months. I just figured (from things not spoken) that I wasn't worthy enough for Him to answer my prayers. However, His word says "none is good, no not one"...

Then I open my Bible Study to start it.. and it's on when God is silent and "has God ever been silent in your life?" I was like "oh my!" I love how He works and it seems like it is just for you!

Sometimes God is silent because He isn't ready for you to know what's going on and what He's doing just yet.

There are two ways that you can deal with this silence.. you could be like me and get angry and upset and frustrated! (not a good choice, just saying. It ruins a very good relationship) ... Or you could just surrender to Him and say "Lord, just show me what you want me to know"...

That's what you do if it isn't sin that is keeping Him from speaking to you.

:) Wanted to share what I learned!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Chicken Spaghetti?

I'm sure you are making the facial expression of "what?!" right now.. but seriously, bare with me. It's amazing. My bestfriend:) in all her greatness introduced me to this delicioso meal:D Really, it's good.It's not what you are thinking it is either, replacing your meatballs/hamburger (whichever you use).. it's like an awesome mexican dish for spaghetti or something:)Doesn't that look so good?! I know you think it does!! So I'm going to graciously give you the recipe for it.. please try it. Really, it's simple and easy & tastes NOTHING like normal spaghetti.

CHICKEN SPAGHETTI

2 cans of diced tomatoes.
1 can of Rotel
1 box of spaghetti noodles (or angel hair.. I personally think it'd make a neat lasagna)
2 cans of cream of chicken (we used one can of cream of chicken and one of cream of mushroom - either one works.. whatever you want!)
2 chicken breasts
Shredded Cheese (whichever you like)

Cook your chicken
Cook your noodles
While they are cooking mix all other ingredients in a large bowl (except cheese).
Once the chicken and noodles are finished put them into your bowl and mix it all together.
Put a layer in your cassarole dish and the put a layer of cheese.
Repeat till you use all your bowl ingredients

Pop it in the oven @ 350 for 45 minutes.

I know, I know.. I'm not good at writing recipes but I hope you figure it out for your good!
Because it is delicious!! Before you know it you will be stuffing you face. Really!It really is amazing, & I really hope you try it!! Thanks TAYLOR!!

Throwing in Clayton for good measure:) Just because I miss him!!:D<3>

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Birthday Daddy!

On November 26, 1958 a 26 year old woman gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
At the age of 17 on March 17, 1976 he went on his first date with a beautiful 15 year old girl. He looked her in her eyes and said “I’m going to marry you”. What she didn’t know was, he was right. In the summer of that same year, this 17 year old young man went to see this beautiful young woman at Carswell Memorial Baptist Church, what he didn’t know is that his life would change on that very same day because God pricked his heart and he gave his life to the Lord.

2 ½ years later at that same church on December 2, 1978 he got married to that beautiful young lady who was now 18, and he was 20. He told me other than the day that he gave his life to God, marrying her was the best day of his life.

When this beautiful woman was 20 she gave birth to their first son on November 24, 1980.
On October 8, 1983 she gave birth to their second son and on April 30, 1991 she brought his third child, a baby girl, into the world.

As this little girl grew up this man was her hero, in so many ways and she always wanted to and still does want to marry a man just like him. He loved and still loves his family more than any man ever could he provides for them in more ways than physical needs. He gives them love, happiness, and to that girl, who is now eighteen, strength to go on from day to day, other than “I love you” her favorite words from this man are “I’m so proud of you”. She loves this man more than she could ever love any other man in her life.

When the little girl was four years old, this man rededicated his life to God, and they started going to church at Gilead Baptist Church.
In 1998, God called him to preach, He preached his first sermon at Gilead Baptist Church at the age of 30. At that time, he didn’t own any suits so he wore a nice pair of Dickie blue jeans and a blue and red checkered shirt. It was on a Wednesday night.

In 2000, 2 years later, after a long reluctant battle with the Lord, this man accepted the pastorialship of McDowell Independent Presbyterian Church. Where he has now been preaching, in 9 years. He has grown to love the little church that he was so reluctant to go to, and thanks God everyday for placing him there.

This man’s name is Dennis Avery Carswell, most of you know him as Preacher…but I just call him daddy. I’m the little girl who is now eighteen, and I feel the same about him as I did when I was a little girl. He has been one of the biggest influences in my life and a man that I truly call my hero. As I have grown up with him as my dad I have seen him go through a lot, and at the times that some of the things happened I was honestly too young to know what was going on. However, looking back and thinking about those things, I now understand and now I see how strong this man really is because I have always seen him turn to God for guidance, and he has never let me down. He seriously does help me get through each day of my life when I’m having a bad day, sometimes I think about him and smile, and thank God for just letting me get up that morning and most of all, blessing me with a dad like him. He has taught me to lean on God no matter what I go through…and he has raised me to love God just as much.
My favorite thing about this man is that he doesn't get all caught up in the hustle and bustle of this modern world. He just laughs and the things people thing are so huge and he thanks God and enjoys the simple things God gives him. He's just a simple man and if the rest of the world was just a little like him, it'd be a bit better.

This man helped me through the biggest decisions of my life on a Tuesday night in 1998. I was seven years old and I was scared to die, and he let me know I didn’t have to be if I just trusted in Jesus and that very night I gave my heart to God. Although I have had very many battles in my faith, my dad has helped me get through them with is faith and obedience to God.

So on this day of November 26, 2009, I am here to thank God and to show my appreciation, love, and to honor this man, my preacher, my hero, and most of all my daddy.
I LOVE YOU DAD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Happy Birthday Big Brother!

You're a loving husband and that comes with a lot.
You're an awesome preacher, with a big heart.
But to me the most important job is being my big brother.
&& that comes with a lot...
You're suppose to be there for me when I fall in a ditch.
You're suppose to encourage me to keep going when I want to quit.
You're suppose to always be there to listen just when I need to talk.
You're suppsoe to always fix my broblems whether they are big or small.
You're suppose to say "sorry" first cause you know I won't back down.
You're suppose to always turn my frown the other way around.
You're suppose to run the guys off when they make me cry.
You're suppose to tell me to believe in myself when I don't think I should try.
You're suppose to come to me when I fall astray.
Just to tell me God is the other way.
But do you know what the neat thing is?
You don't have to do any of this.
But you do because you're my big brother and I'm your little sister.
&& if you weren't here to do these things...
Life would be hard cause I wouldn't have you here beside me.
To listen...
To talk...
To fix my problems...
&& run the guys off...
To just be there all together.
To just be...
My big brother:)
I love you Chad! <3

Monday, November 23, 2009

NewMoon.

AMAZING movie:)

This is my man:), just saying.

Yeah, he's obviously hot, but he is a really good actor too!

Oh && my future husband ;)

Friday, November 20, 2009

I lied,

NewMoon tomorrow @ 9:50. If you are anything like my mom you are at this point rolling your eyes saying "why do you like such a thing?" It's not blood, guts, and blood sucking vampires. Okay, there are blood sucking vampires but the main character is a .. vegetarian. He only gets the animals. Yupp!! True story! & there are werewolves and dang ACTION PACKED ROMANCE! How does it get better than that?

Moving on. I learned the power of words today. (Speaking of NewMoon). My AWESOME SIL (who is as much in love with these movies and books as I am) went and got our tickets today. Well she was playing a cruel joke on me by saying oh so seriously that they were SOLD OUT. So I was like "that's gay, are you serious?" and she was like "Yeah, I must have talked to someone on the phone who didn't know what they were talking about" then I was all sadface and whatnot. Then she said "why are you mad, because you are going to see NewMoon tomorrow at 9:50?" and I said "I hate you, with everything in me" and then she said "what if I died right now?" and I said "you know I was just kidding so it's cool"...

Even though I was kidding, hate is a strong word. REALLY powerful. Today I have felt bad for saying that even though it was a joke and she knows so. The point is words have a lot of power and The Lord has told me all day that it doesn't matter if I meant it or not, I shouldn't ever talk that way..

Moving on: I have thought of the best shirt idea ever and wish I could make it myself. The idea is an offwhite shirt with a picture sortah like this on it.

Maybe with a cross in the back slightly there.. maybe the shirt should be gray.. Anyways, above the picture it should say "Front Line For Jesus". I love the idea, and I'd so buy the shirt if it was in a store. No joke there. Tell me what you think.

Invision with me:)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

You know what?

I don't get to see NewMoon until NEXT week!
Tickets are sold out for 9 shows straight! All weekend!
Is there even that many people in Morganton?
Seriously, hahahaha.

I'm anxious to see this movie.
I love, love, love the books && I love, love, love watching it all come to life!!

It's okay though, I can deal.
I'm jealous of all my friends going.
So I'ma take my jealous butt and go to bed.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Quick Bit

I'm super duper tired but I wanted to zip in real quick to put on record that I conquered one of my biggest fears today.

I rode a horse!

I'm sure you were expecting me to say skydiving or bunjee jumping.. sorry to disappoint. Just a horse:) It's a big deal to me. I haven't rode one in 13 years, I haven't even sat on one in 8. It was fun. I'd put a pic up but it's on my Daddy's phone. Sorry. Maybe if Trish got one, I'll post it later.

Just wanted to share the exciting news!

Friday, November 13, 2009

My Savior, Redeemer, God, & MY FRIEND.

When I'm in trouble, want to spill my heart out, or just want to feel loved and accepted, I got to my best friends. Last night in my Bible study, I learned that God is my almighty friend. When Jo died, and even when she was diagnosed, I was hurt, scared, and the most powerful emotion of all, angry. I figured out, our wills don't line up... I lost my faith... I feel as if by me losing my faith, I sewed a seed that I now regret. I'm reeping the harvest of not feeling His prescense so much, because I was self-centered. I didn't care about His plan. I wanted my plan! So now, I feel like His hand isn't in mine... However, as if He's leading me by my shoulders. Sometimes, I believe, God pulls His hands away from His children to see if they notice or maybe to check their faith. Long story short, my name for God, through what I'm experiencing right now is, my friend.

Yes, yes, yes, He's my Savior, Redeemer, and God and He fills those blanks when time calls... However, sometimes I need to spill my heart out and cry. Sometimes I just need to talk about random nothingness... Sometimes I just need to feel loved and accepted... all reasons that I go to my best friends... However as much as I love them, they can't be that sort of friend, as good as God. Sometiems when you need a friend, you don't neccessarily need them to say anything or even touch you. Sometimes them being there is enough... Sometimes even though I can't feel Him, knowing He is there is enough.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

About Me

I have nothing to say. Nothing extact or life changing has happened lately. I did however update my "About Me" on MySpace (because I have such a busy life) so I will give you the pleasure of reading it:) Enjoy!

Hi, you've reached JamieLynn. I'd tell you all that junk that I'm your average 18 year old, but that'd be a lie. I'm far from ever being average, in any way at all. I could also tell you about all the people in my life and what my likes and dislikes are, but would you really know me then? Ahh, well lets give it a shot, shall we?:) My bestfriends are TaylorJackson & AustinJaynes. Without them I couldn't get through everyday life. Taylor, has just been there through it ALL and for some reason I just recently realized that she was my bestfriend. She's the best support system I could have ever invested in. I'm the light of her world:). Ahh, Austin, he's just that kid that is always on the same page as me, so I don't feel completely ridiculous all the time. Plus, without me he'd never be able to stay in the right box:). ChrstinaThomas is my confidence, and I miss her on a daily basis. She's that best friend, I walk down the greenway with holding hands:). I miss our 3am talks at camp. We will Captain Morgan again. I miss DakotaLynne, oh how I miss my Kota<3. That girl makes me laugh when I don't even feel like holding my head up:) KarleeDeal is the bestlittlesisterinthewholeworld. Seriously. Ask her:) I feel like I am reliving my teenage years through her, and I'd have it no other way. I love being invited along on this journey. I like helping her trace rainbows:). I don't like admiting when I like someone, because then the feelings go away, and sometimes I don't like them to. There is no "love" of my life, as far as a boyfriend goes. But there is this one little redhead that goes by ClaytonAvery that I'd never be able to live without. He's my sunshine. That's the end of that story. He's the only person that can ALWAYS put a REAL smile on my face. The only way to my heart is to know my God like I do and to be able to make me laugh at a moment’s notice. I like to be the funny one in any situation. It makes life easier. My earthly hero would definately be my neice, JohannaRayeCarswell. She passed from Creation to Creator within 63 minutes on October 23, 2009 from some messed up choromosonal disorder called T18. Google it. Her 63 mintues forever changed my life and has made all the difference. I can't remember her, even if I try. That's why I have her picture everywhere. I just remember what happend and how I felt about it, and I can't recall that all that well. That's what makes me sad. Not her passing but the fact that I can't remember. She will forever be in my heart, and she's always on my mind. I miss my childhood more than any normal person should. I love my family more than anything on this whole earth. I have the BEST big brothers in the whole world. ChadAvery & AndrewRyan. They are overprotective, sure. But if they weren't, how would I know that they love me so much? My Dad is the most simple man that you'll ever meet, and that's why I love him so much. He doesn't get all caught up in the hustle bustle of this ridiculous world. My mom is just great. I love her so much and thank God for her, she is ultimately the best mom in the whole world. Now that I'm older, I really appreciate her and everything she is. My sisterinlaws top all a sisterinlaw should be and more. Nikki & Trisha. I love these girlies. I'm going to be skinny someday. I think about it too much not to be. Everyday that passes I'm slowly learning how valuable I truly am. && that I am beautiful. Thanks to Austin, I'll never forget. I invest most of my time daydreaming about my future life and not near enough time actually achieving towards it. I invision my wedding everyday. I'm scared of horses, but I'm determined to ride one. I love going to church and everything about it. I love my God as well, and the love He so graciously bestows upon me. Even when I'm so undeserving. He should have been the very first thing on this about me. Taylor Swift is my favorite singer. && I shall admit I'm one of those crazed Twilight fans:) Thanks to my best, Taylor:) I'm not exactly the one that would stalk Rob Pattinson or Taylor Lautner, or attack them in the middle of the street. But I would be stoked to meet them. Oh and yes, I’ll admit that I’m that 18 year old that watches Disney Channel and I do like the Jonas Brothers:). I seriously promise that their good songs aren’t on the radio. I have a limegreen camera attached to my hip & it's trusty sidekick, the Ipod touch. I’m OCD, true story. Test me. Ask my friends. I once went 26 seconds without straightening the hymn books on the back of the pew at church. But that’s because Austin was there and grabbed my arm every time I tried. See.. by me telling you all this, you still have no idea who I am. Let’s just say I’m confused a lot and wouldn’t be able to do anything without some awesome people in my life. I’m blessed beyond measure, and I’m just learning that. My goal in life is to Experience God Everyday!:)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, November 9, 2009

He's Mr. Green Christmas, he's Mr. Sun, he's Mr. Heat Blister, he's Mr. Hundred and One

My nephew is the Heat Miser... You aren't going to understand until you see what his hair looked like the other day.. but this is as spikey as it gets today:) But really, the other day he looked like Heat Miser.
Don't know who that is?
Let me introduce you to my favorite 25 days of Christmas show!
This is just the most famous song of the show...
Enjoy!

Friday, November 6, 2009

It's a strange feeling

Missing someone is the strangest feeling. I'm not talking about missing someone because they went away for a week or so. Because when I was a kid my dad went to Mexico for a week and I missed him so bad. Then when I got a little older, my oldest brother, Chad, went to Florida with his now wife, Nikki, and I missed him WAY more than a little 8 year old sister should. No, that's not the type of miss I'm talking about. I'm talking about missing someone because they aren't here anymore at all. Not in body or spirit or anything.

It's the strangest thing. Two weeks ago today my perfect neice went to be with our Savior. Today, I miss her more than I have through out the whole shabang. It's weird for me. I think today it hit me because, well I'm not really sure why it hit me all of a sudden today. It just did. Okay, I'm rambling... let me explain this.

My mind does not wrap around death or any sort of it. When I was a kid it wouldn't even wrap around when my first pet goldfish Teej died, or even when my puppy Angel died, or especially when my favorite dog or sidekick, Slinkey died. No, I'm not comparing my neice to an animal. I'm saying that's the only loss I had at that time. Okay, I sound like a complete idiot. Let me start over...

*Sigh*.......

My mind doesn't wrap around death or any sort of it. I can't comprehend it. My mind blocks it out and it's like a dream. I blocked Johanna completely out of my mind after she was gone. Not that I didn't love her. Because I truely did. From her perfect painted on lips, to her curly black hair, down to her second toe being bigger than the first, and right back up to her crooked pinkies like her Pawpaw, Daddy, and I all have. I just blocked it out. It’s a block in my mind now. When I want to go to a Johanna box. I can’t get in. It’s locked, and I forgot the combination. I see her picture and it’s like I can’t remember. I mean, I know I was there and I know what happened but it’s like I wasn’t there. Does that make sense?

It's okay to say I'm crazy. Really, I get it a lot.

However, today, I looked up at her picture on our wall and just remembered it all. It's like I picked the lock and remembered and it was amazing. I remembered every emotion I had from the day I found out Nikki was pregnant. I loved it. The excitement, the love, the joy... then I remembered the sadness of it all when we found out in April '09 that Jo wasn't going to be like her big brother. She was going to have some messed up chromosone thing called T18. Still yet I loved her unconditionally. I knew she would be perfect. I'm sitting her crying, retracing the memory I had of today. So I blocked the T18... like if I didn't think about it would go away and everything would be fine. So the more I blocked it, the harder it got. It was like this thing inside me eating at me saying "you have to deal with me Jamie"... so I started dealing with it, and the thing I didn't want to happen in the first place happened... I got angry with God. I mean, I was flat out mad. I've never been so angry at anything in my life. I never dealt with that until camp. Then I was okay with it.

Then today I was thinking about how I had this "peace" with everything. It's like I felt that everything was going to be hunky-dory and we'd be playing with Jo right now, she'd be 2 precious weeks old. But the truth is, that's not how it was going to be and deep down in my heart, I knew that it wasn't going to be that way but once again, I ignored it because I thought, maybe, just maybe it'd go away. Of course, it didn't. I have learned that just because you ignore them it isn't going to go away.

Back to the real world and not remembering anything: I'm not so mad at God anymore. I mean, I am sortah. We have been doing this Bible Study called Experiencing God... and it's really great. & it asked me if I completely loved God with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. I had to check the no box. Yeah, I see your mouth dropping open... because to the whole world I'm this wonderful Christian and I love God so much. I never said I didn't love God. I truely do. I LOVE God so much. I'm just not in love with Him. I don't have that intimacy that my mother, my Dad, my youth leader, or anyone else I know has. I want it, I desire it... I thought I had it. It felt like I found out my favorite love song was talking about a sandwhich (okay that came from a movie for laughter's sake:)). I was wrong, I do love God, I'm just not in love with Him. I worship Him, I adore Him, I fear Him, I respect Him, I believe in Him... But I'm not IN LOVE with Him.

I'm down in my faith now. ALL TIME LOW. It's okay though. I'm going to pull through. God is going to make it all okay. Because you know... He loves me and He wants me and on days like today when I have feelings I don't understand and thoughts I can't express to good, He understands. He understands the tears I am crying at this very moment, and the tears I will cry through every situation in my life. I can express them to Him and He will know. I just really miss her today... more than I've ever missed anything in my life.

If anyone doesn't like this blog, I'll take it off. I'm always worried about what people are thinking, but my blog is for what I think and feel, right? An extremely intelligent woman once told me that I can't do it alone. That I need to tell someone. Because if you do it alone, the pain is much worse. I love you, Nikki.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I forgot about the allergic reaction

I'm so lame, I just Googled something to blog about.
Know what I got?
Nothing:)

Today I spent the day with my favorite boy:) We played in the leaves and climbed the hay bails in the barn. Aunt James got a bit itchy (because it didn't even register that her skin is sensitive to hay) and had to come inside and take a quick shower. Plus, Clayton got misquito bit and I needed to be put some Xtra After Bite! on them, just in case he decided to scratch them raw.

Of course he cried and wanted to go back outside, but it was starting to get a bit chilly:( I'm sorry darlin'. I'm sure he forgot and shall forgive me in due time.

I thought that y'all would be happy to receive the news that I have a job! Well not a big job.. just two days a week. Thursdays and Fridays, I will start babysitting a friend of mine's little boy. I hope he likes me"/ hahaha. It's not a lot of money, but it's more than the $0 that I'm making now. True or False?

My darling Daddy got two of his teeth pulled today so we have been stuck in TV Land all day. With Bonanza, Gunsmoke, and Little House on the Prairie. Not that I don't absolutely adore these shows. However, I'm burnt on them. It's okay though. I'm hoping he will pay me back in a few when I ask to watch Little Couple.

Cross your fingers!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Tell me what you think

I'm sure some of you have noticed, but I thought I would point it out that I changed my background and header (just for my comfort and OCDness to make it feel complete).

Don't ask, it's a thing. I could make a list of rituals I have to do.

I think I should get tested. Seriously. Just to prove to everyone that I'm right!:)

Tell me what you think:) (about the page, not the OCD.. haha)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Cake Boss in the making

Cake Boss is my hero. Straight up. I'm just saying, Buddy Carlo knows what he's doing. It's amazing. You should check it out:) (TLC Monday @ 10)....
So I have become a cake boss all my own! Oh yes, I went there.
Ain't it cool? I made it for our women's Bible Study tomorrow. Mom iced it, but the rest is me. I iced part of it but was afraid it'd be a total downfall. (Thought I should save icing cakes myself for when the cake is going to stay in home). It's fall time so this calls for PUMPKINS! I was going to go all Buddy on it and make the leaves out of sugar, but hahaa, I'm not that good.


I didn't even know I liked baking until my beautiful friend, Nikki Deal, had the flu, so I made her some yummo Coconut Macaroons & they were amazing. I loved the idea of making something totally myself. (I may or may have not got the recipe for these out of a cross word puzzle).

So I have decided that I'm going to be one.of.those.moms. that bakes cupcakes for every kid's birthday in my kid's class. I'm going to be BAKER MOM! Ha, be ironic if I married a baker. I may or may not make a cape. Just for kicks. Alright, alright. I won't be that nerdy. I promise. However, I will be a baker. I love it!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Somewhat of a breakthrough, but I still got some bad feelings in my heart--

If I'd stop trying to make my will happen and just surrender to God's will, my life'd be much easier.

Keyword: If.

It's going to take some work.

"With God, all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

True Story.

Right now I'm trying to keep myself from indulging in a big piece of red velvet cake that I made from scratch Duncan Hines Red Velvet Cake Mix last night. It was so amazing. However, it's only 12:30 in the afternoon and that is not a good way to jump start my metabolism. I'm not one to like cake so this is a big deal for me.

I think I'm going to find some clothing in this hugo mess in my floor and Mom and I will go out to lunch to "get out and stir" because "I'm in a slump". True Story. You my friends, just learned why I hate doing laundry. Because I hate putting my clothes up, because my mind gets side tracked and I don't put my clothes up and they end up on the floor. If the question "Do you know what's clean and dirty?" Is running through your mind. Why yes, I do know. See the green bag? (Chad & Nikki, I'll return that, I promise:)) That's the divider apparentally. Dirty clothes on the far side, clean on this side. Funny thing is my basket is sitting right there and it's empty.....

Wow, I think I know what's on my agenda for the rest of the day. People think I'm organized till they walk in my room. *evil laugh* Oh how they are fooled.

Monday, October 26, 2009

It's official.

Today was the homecoming of Johanna Raye.

I could tell you all sorts of things about the service but I really don't feel like it. Please don't look down on me, it was an amazing service. Especially Brother Moneyham's sermon on sketching rainbows instead of chasing them. I told God today that I'm not chasing them and I'm not sketching them. I told Him that I will start sketching once I'm over my hurtfulness.

I know I'm not the Mother of Jo and I know I'm not the father. I know that I'm not a grandparent and that she isn't part of me DNAwise such as them. I do however, believe I have a little of a right to grieve her. Even though I don't feel as if I have a right to, I believe I do. Because she was a part of me. Not physically. But she was in my heart. God saved a place for her and she's embedded into it forever.

When my heart gets hurt I don't get sad or emotionally bent up. I'll feel nothing for a while and then I get angry. Really angry. I'm at my anger point right now. I know, I know... there is no reason to be angry. I know this. It's just how my emotions are set up. I get mad. You may ask "What can you get mad at in this situation?" I have no idea. I'm just mad. Maybe because she didn't have a chance at life, she didn't have time to feel the emotion of happiness. She didn't even get the chance to smile. The thing I truely want most is to hear her say "wee" like her brother does when I'm playing with him and twirling him around. I know what you are going to say "But Jamie she will never feel the pain or hurt of this sinful world" this I know too. I know it all. It's just how I'm feeling right now. I'm sure it will pass. I'll get over it and get to sketching my rainbows. I'm looking forward to that day.

Right now I just need my time to be angry and my time to cry. To sling things and sit alone. I'm the type of person that doesn't like anyone to be near me when I'm upset. I like to stay by myself. Because I know I might be rude to them and hurt their feelings. Just like I was rude to Trish today at the funeral. She was just acting like herself... the way that we always act around each other and I was just flat out rude. I was upset at first because I couldn't sit beside my Mom. I was being selfish. I should've just left it the way Chad & Nikki wanted it. I know that they read this so I'm going to say sorry now.

The reason I'm so upset right now is that... I honestly never expected her to die. It wasn't in my thought process. It never crossed my mind. I just was determined that she would live. The thought "He'll give you the desires of your heart" keeps running through my mind. He didn't give me mind and that's why I'm upset. He gave Chad, Nikki, Dad, Mom, Alan, Joan, etc... their desires but not mine. Was I just outnumbered? I never had more faith in my life than I had in God showing off and proving Himself Friday October 23, 2009 like He did for Elijah at the altar.

I'm not downing God and I'm not angry with God. Don't think that. I'm just a little down in my faith. I'll pull through.

"Not that I speak in respect of want, but I have learned in whatsoever state I am; therewith to be content" -Philippians 4:11

Lord please help me be like Paul.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sweet Jo-Raye.

Johanna came and went today. It was like she was just here for a visit and then she had to go. She had to come see us so we wouldn’t be completely broken hearted. I reckon Jesus had something for her to do. She was probably on a tight schedule or something. The way I see it, I would have done the same thing Jesus did. I would have taken her back to my home too. Just because I’d want her all to myself. Understandable. Completely.

She was so perfect. Three pounds thirteen ounces. Never in my life have I seen ABSOLUTE perfection until I met that angel. She was just perfect. Another thing that is just indescribable. She had these perfect lips. Like a porcelain doll. They look as if they were painted on with the finest brush and paint available. Her little eyebrows were precious. They looked as if they were drawn on with a pencil. She was so small she didn’t even fit into her preemie outfit! It was so cute. Her little foot didn’t even fill up half the bootie part of her pjs. On her feet her second toe was longer than her big toe. On both feet!

She was a beautiful, precious, perfect angel that forever changed my heart and my life and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

I love you Johanna Raye. You’ll always be Jo-Raye in my book. No matter who likes it. Man, we could have done so much together. I was saving my Barbie Dolls for a special little girl like you. All my nail polish and everything. Goodness at the games of “Duck, Duck, Goose” and “Ring Around the Rosie” we would have played with brother. I yearn to twirl you around like I do brother and have you laugh and say “wee” like he does. & to braid your hair. To just see your beautiful eyes look up at me. No worries one day Jesus will come get me too and we can play together for eternity. I love you baby girl. Oh, how I love you so.
Love,
Aunt James

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

WARNING: It's lengthy.

We just began our newest Women’s Bible Study at church. I have actually been looking forward to this. I like to get into God’s word and find out what he has for me but I’m not good at just going and doing it. Does that make sense at all? I like to have a scheduled thing that basically makes me take out 30-40 minutes to just sit down with God. Have a talk with God, get in His word, & find out just what he has for me that day.

Yesterday was on Seeking God first. That Jesus is our way & we don’t need a road map. I’m the type of person that when The Lord tells me to do something I say “Who, what, where, when, how, & why, Lord?” Yesterday’s lesson was on saying “what would you have me to do Lord?” It had us read about Abraham in Genesis when God had Abraham take Isaac and sacrifice him. Abraham didn’t ask “who, what, where, when, how, and why” he just simply said “God will provide” when Isaac asked what was to be sacrificed. That took some guts. The lesson taught me that it’s okay not knowing what tomorrow holds and made me look at myself and see if I could just say “Lord, I’ll follow you, you just tell me where to go and what to do” We don’t have to know the specifics at that giving moment. It was just neat to me.

We were also given this paper to fill out. We had to write things like what our goal in life was and our purpose. I had a goal, it was to be a youth leader and Sunday school teacher. My purpose? I have no idea. I have yet to figure it out. I know that I want to do whatever God wants me to do and I want it to bring Him glory. I just don’t yet know what that purpose is. I hope I figure it out soon because my life, as of now, is going nowhere fast.

“Not that I speak in respect of want, but I have learned, whatsoever state I am: therewith to be content” –Philippians 4:11. That was some huge words for Paul to say. He was beaten and imprisoned… and he said “I am content”. I pray that I can be a Paul. Speaking of Bible Characters. That paper also had us write down which one we were most like. Mine was John the Beloved. Not when he was older but while he was young. He was the youngest apostle of Christ. I’m sort of like him in the way that I hang out with a lot of older people at church and things. Such as my Mom, Tonya, Carol, Carolyn, my SILs, my Dad, my brothers. The thing is, I love it. Just for the simple fact that I can learn so much from these people. I gain wisdom and knowledge off of them and I think that’s what John did. Does that make sense or should I just find a new Bible character to resemble?

I believe this is enough random shenanigans for the day. I’ll get at you tomorrow, or whenever I take the notion.

Friday, October 16, 2009

That same hand that holds tomorrow, that same hand is placed in mine:)

I thought I better shoot in here real quick and drop a note or thought or two. I will be staying with my oh so fabulous Sister-in-law, Trisha tonight. Just a girls night that we haven’t had in a while. Well, I suppose once her husband comes in then the girls night will be over… or maybe just starting! Not sure, however, I do know that I will be watching “I Am Sam” tonight, regardless : ) That is such an incredible movie! It’s about this dad that is just so in love with his little girl. However, he is mentally unstable to take care of her. So really, she is taking care of him. It’s just incredible! So go watch it and find out for yourself : )

I also dropped in to tell you, that my good mood has leaked over into day two! I oh so hope this continues. My Lord is just so good and I love Him so much.

My BEAUTIFUL niece, Johanna Raye Carswell will be born in exactly a week from today. We are all so nervous and excited. She was diagnosed with full, head on, straight up, Trisomy 18, otherwise known as Edward’s Syndrome. You’ll have to look it up to get the full story on children like this because I can’t explain it. I’m just not good at it to be honest. So Google it : ) or “gurgle” as my Mom says! She has brought our family together (Carswells & Carrs) in ways that just aren’t imaginable. It’s not that we have grown together physically, I mean we have, however, we have grown together emotionally and spiritually. It’s a big thing. Jo the center of two humongo Christian families. There’s a preacher on every corner of the two and we are all just strong believers in God. I sort of saw her as a test of faith for these two families to see how good of Christians we think we are. Let me tell you, it worked on me. At first I was angry and hurt and wanted to know why God would hurt someone He apparentaly loved so much. I just didn’t understand. At camp one night I was fighting this battle and I didn’t want anyone to know. Because, what right have I? I didn’t have to carry this baby, and I wasn’t the father of this baby. However, at camp it felt like my heart was going to burst if I didn’t share this… despair (for lack of a better word) with the girls. So I did, and we prayed so hard. The second night I went through this again, I was just so angry because I had to watch people I love so much, hurt so bad. When I mean, love, I mean I LOVE my family. After God, there they are in my life. When I love, I love with all I have. There is a beautiful lady in our church named Rachel… she said, “Jamie, honey, are you scared that your will and God’s will aren’t going to line up?” Once she said that I felt every bit of my anger and everything go away. That was EXACTLY what I was feeling. I was scared, angry, and hurt to be in this situation. To not know what was going to happen. That night I found the biggest peace in any situation I have ever found. I just knew it would be okay. Not perfect, or the way we planned, but okay. My Dad said an amazing thing when he preached the other week and the sermon was on “A God who can!” This is what he said, “I serve one who can reach down and touch Johanna, I serve one who can reach down and touch all the sick, I serve one who can reach down and prick the hart of a lost man, I serve a God who can.” How true is that? We LIMIT God so much. As the song “Test of Time” says, “That same hand that holds tomorrow, that same hand is placed in mine.” Ya’ll I learned so much through this. Not to limit God. He can do it WITHOUT our help. I just love him so much.

Right now we don’t know what is in store for us. That slightly scares me. I like to know things. I love surprises but not when they make me this nervous. All I know is she has blessed our homes, our friends, our families, our churches, and our hearts. & I love her so much!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Outgoing Confidence.

I have been reading this absolutely AMAZING book called “The Truth About Guys” by Chad Eastham. When a young girl picked it up she would honestly think that “oh if I read this than I can get a guy. But that’s not it at all! It teaches you how to value yourself so others can to. How awesome is that? He said a couple quotes that stuck out to me that I just want to share with you : ) One was “Trust what God’s word says about you even when you feel bad about yourself.” & it gave scripture that reads: “I will praise the; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are they works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” Psalms 139:14. How true is that. He also gave another quote that says “when you insult yourself you are insulting God.” Which I never thought about but shed a whole new light on the situation for me! It’s like Callie drawing me a picture and me telling her it was ugly. Do you know how horrible that would be of me? Andrew used to do it to me and Mom said that I would cry. It all makes sense though. I have been praying that God would shed some more confidence in me and to let me be more outgoing and it has helped.

I actually really want to teach this as a Bible study for girls from 6th grade up. However, I think I may wait until Callie is around 11/12 that way I would have around 10 girls in my class. Because right now I would have a total of 2. Of course God can work through 2 just as good as 10 but still. I’m just so excited! I have been writing lessons for it! I think it may be good. I’m just going to wait till God says “teach”. By writing lessons, I’m just getting prepared for that time : )

Tonight Trish, Michelle, Maci, & I all went to Abele’s and there was this girl in line that was about 18-19 and she was pregnant. Well they were waiting on lettuce and I already had mine so this man let me pass them. I asked “when are you due?” and she said “I’m having a C-Section tomorrow” & I said “oh that is so awesome, is it a boy or girl?” and she replied “boy” and I said “have you thought of any names yet?” and she said “yeah Colton” then I told her that I liked that name and she said “thanks.” It was that easy to just talk to someone and be nice. I have no idea why I am so shy.

Then there was this family that was sitting like diagonal from us and this one boy at the table had been looking at me and I mean I don’t mind because I was looking at him too. && what made me excited is that he wasn’t all that ugly at all. He was cute. Wranglers, boots, hat… You know, my style : ) Well Trish starts giggling and I was like “what is wrong with you?” She wouldn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to be “paranoid” I was like “You are going to whisper it to Michelle and not tell me” so she told me. This kid was staring at me. Not stalkerish, just looking. I sat there and was like “I have been reading this book and I’m going to pretend I’m beautiful” and Michelle said “You are!” It made me feel so good about myself that an attractive guy was looking at me! That doesn’t happen very often. Maybe Chad Eastham is right. “When you start to appreciate yourself and value YOU then guys will like you” How true?

In all honesty, guys just don’t look at me. I have this whole new attitude on how I look. Yeah, yeah, I still want to lose weight because it will help build that confidence that I want in myself but this kid was attractive. That’s what got me! I’m heavy. I really am. I’m not going to hide it and try to lie about it. I’m not going to pretend I’m skinny. I mean for all I know this kid could have been making fun of me, I don’t know. But I don’t think he was. Normally when someone is making fun of you they are looking at you laughing. But he was just generally looking at me. I looked at him once and he even smiled at me and I smiled back. It was really neat. Who knows? I might have been looking at my future husband. Hahahahahaha, if it was, we will meet again. He didn’t have blue eyes though. But it’s okay! God gives us what we need, not always what we want. Which is perfectly fine with me! However, God’s word says that he will give me the desires of my heart. God knows that I want to look into blue eyes forever. However, I have a feeling they might just be brown.

It was just so weird. I can’t explain it. I don’t mean to keep talking about it but I felt really good about myself for the time that we were there. This attractive guy, my style (country boy, wranglers, hat, boots, tall, slim….) was looking at ME! I just felt really great, and still do. Forgive me! Hahaha. I hope I can feel like I do today, everyday of my life : )

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I have a story to tell...

One day a father went to his son and said "Son, I Love you. My servants, as they call themselves, are just so rude. I give them everything they need yet they yearn for more. But I love them." The son said "I understand, Father." The father said "Son, I just want them to know how much I love them." The son replied "Father, I'll go" The father said "Son you are the very best I have to offer" The son said "I'll go"

"I'll go and teach. I'll tell everyone how much you love them. I'll do wonderful works. I'll do everything you say to do. When I"m around 33.... I'll let them arrest me. I'll let them take me before a king and I'll take a man named Barabbas's place. A murderer. Because I love him."

"I'll let them take a cat of nine tails and beat me. I'll let them tear my flesh off with it and expose my insides. && I'll let them beat me to where my mother can't even recognize me. I'll let them put this purple robe around me, while I'm yet bleeding, then when my wounds are good and dry, I'll let them rip it back off so I can bleed again. I'll even let them pluck my beard from my face. Because, I love them."

"I'll let them, make me, carry a cross miles away to a lonely hill called Golgotha. I'll let them beat me on the way." The son said "When I make it to the top and they lay the cross down...." He opened his arms wide and put his heels together and continued... "I'll willingly lay down on it and stretch my arms as far as they'll go. I'll let them put a spike in my feet. I'll let them put two in my hands. One in each. So my arms will be stretched from east to west. Because, I love them this much"

The son put his arms back down and said, "I'll let them put a crown of thorns on my head. I'll let them hang a sign above my head that reads KING OF JEWS."

"I'll let them give me vinegar to drink, when I am thirsty for water"

"Then I'll let them put a sword in my side to make sure I am dead"

"But Father..." The son said looking up at the father, "Forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."

"I'll let them prepare my body, and lay it in a tomb. I'll let them put the heaviest boulder they can find over it. I'll even let them leave me there.

"But Father, on the third day, I'll get up. I'll take those grave clothes off, fold them up so they know I'll be back, roll that stone away, and come back to you. && someday, Father, when you say the word I'll go back and call our children home."

"Because, I Love them!"

WRITTENBY: JamieLynn
INSPIREDBY: God!

Hope you enjoy!

Friday, October 9, 2009

And the Award goes to...

And the award goes to....
ME!! Auntie James:)
(& a hundred other bloggers:))
This award does come with a few rules;
1. Answer the survey below...you can only use one word answers!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!OK now Let the FUN begin
1. Where is your cell phone? Nada.
2. Your hair? Laughter.
3. Your mother? Somewhere.
4. Your father? Bonanza.
5. Your favorite food? Cheese sticks (for now)
6. Your dream last night? Strange.
7. Your favorite drink? Good sweettea.
8. Your dream/goal? To do something w/ myself.
9. What room are you in? Bedroom.
10. Your hobby? Internet.
11. Your Fear? Darkness, horses, big trucks.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Doing something w/ myself.
13. Where were you last night? Home.
14. Something that you aren’t? Skinny.
15. Muffins? No thanks, unless it's blueberry.
16. Wish list item? Truck.
17. Where did you grow up? North Cacalackie.
18. Last thing you did? Facebook.
19. What are you wearing? Robbinsville T-shirt:), jeans, & Justin boots.
20. Your TV? Small.
21. Your pets? Baby.
22. Friends? Pretty cool.
23. Your life? Blessed.
24. Your mood? Missing out.
5. Missing someone? Dalton & Alyssa:( & Clayton just cause he ain't here.
26. Vehicle? Nada.
27. Something you’re not wearing? Makeup.
28. Your favorite store? Uh...?
29. Your favorite color? Darkpurple.
30. When was the last time you laughed? Wednesday.
31. Last time you cried? Lastnight.
32. Your best friend? Jesus.
33. One place that I go to over and over? I'm w/ Nikki on that. Bathroom.
34. One person who emails me regularly? Facebook.
35. Favorite place to eat? Shoney's Abele's.
Ohkay some are more than one word. Who cares?
I have nobody to tag... Uhh...
Joan.
Amber.
Nikki.
Ashley.
I believe that's all I got.
Goodday:)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Slumpy & Slightly Grumpy

I have no update for today. I'm just here. Sortah stuck. Not feeling my life today. I mean don't get me wrong God has blessed me with a beautiful day outside. But inside my heart it isn't so beautiful. You know the saying in the Bible "out of the mouth speaks the abundance of the heart?" So true. Same for you thoughts too. Whatever you think up there in your land is what's going on down under in your heart. & mine isn't the best in the world. It's cobwebs and toils up there. Not sure really what's going on. I just need to get busy I suppose. It's like the Devil is putting junk up there & then God is fighting it away. Does that make sense? I just want the bad stuff to stay away and not come near me, ya know? I want God to consume me and me think of nothing but Him & what He wants. Ya get me?

Oh & Congrats Holly from All Things In Moddy on your pregnancy!!!
&& To Nikki from Chad and Nikki on Jo-Raye being here in just 15 days!!!

I think I'm going to go open the screen door and look outside for a bit.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Concert at the City of Morganton

Here in big ol' Mo'town we have a place called "City of Morganton", it's where you go to pay your light bill & such... well, well, well.... We went through the drive thru.

& I was cracking jokes all day long. Just one of those days where I was in a fantastic mood. Welp, I was singing belting "Stand By Your Man" by Tammy Wynette & my Mom simply explained to me that they could more than likely hear me inside, through the intercome. I didn't care. I said "let me do my big finish" & here goes "stand by YOURRR MANN!!" Well, as I finish & Trish was rolling with laughter & my Mom was still saying "Jamie, shut up!" Hahahaha, & the woman inside says "What beautiful singing! You have a whole audience in here applauding you!" Hahahahahahahahaha! How embarrassing.

But hey, my everyday goal is to make someone I don't even know, laugh:)
Today my friend, that was accomplished.

On a latter note I won't be here this weekend. I'm going to the even bigger ROBBINSVILLE, NC! I'm so excited!!! Hahaha, I get to see Pawpaw Daniel. It's for old timers day. So we get to dress like Laura Ingalls. & YES, my friends, I have an outfit. Wanna see?

Front (why yes I'm fat:))

Back (Why yes, I'm still fat:))

I love it.. Plus my Mom made it for me:) So very special.

I also made my first ever Coconut Macaroons:) I've never even ate them much less made them. I made them sugar-free, just for Dad:)! They were real good too. Next on my list to bake, Banana Bread. I must purchase Banana's first. I'm going to be the next Paula Deen:)

I'll post pictures from Robbinsville ASAP!! I'm off!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Thou Shalt Not Steal

I did, from Nikki. Her question thing from her blog. It's something to put on here. I haven't blog in a while, & I have nothing to talk about so here you go:)

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Cherry Kool-aid.

2.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Sho'nuff. I love that game!!!

3.Name someone who made you laugh today?
I haven't busted out laughing today, but I'm sure it'll happen before the day is over:)

4.How late did you stay up last night and why?
1:30? I was playing a game.

5.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Hm, I think it'd be a good change.

6.Name one thing you love about your body!
Uhhh... my hair? I suppose:)

7.Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Taylor lives the closest out of everyone.

8.Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Sure? I mean, it's whatever. I don't really care.

9.How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Eh, it's okay. I just don't drink soda anymore.

10.If you could do any job in the world what would it be?
A Co-Host on "The View". Yeah, I said it.

11.Who was the last person you took a picture of?
That'd be Clayton.

12.Was yesterday better than today?
Nope, today is my favorite day:)

13.Can you live a day without TV?
Yes, all I need is friends, family, & my laptop is a must.
Not to mention my iPod & my camera.

14.Are you upset about anything?
Not today. Thank my God.

15.Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
If it's not petty & 13 yearoldish.

16.Are you a bad influence?
NEVER! Hahaha. No, I don't reckon I am.

17.Night out or night in?
These days = out.

18.What items could you not go without during the day?
Laptop.

19.Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Ashley Smith:) She had her baby boy Tristen yesterday!

20.What does the last text message in your inbox say?
Can't have one if you don't have a phone:(

21.How do you feel about your life right now?
I have to pee, but other than that.. I'm cool.

22.Do you hate anyone?
Never.

23.Do you like your wedding ring or do you secretly wish it was different?
I don't have a wedding ring. Hhaha.

24.Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
No, I wouldn't Yes.

25.Would you ever get some plastic surgery?
Lipo-suction. But I'm too chicken to do it.

26.What song is stuck in your head?
"Kneel at the cross, leave every careeeeeeee Kneeeel at the crrrOoss, Jesus will meet you (meet you theEEEERRe)!" Okay, so the effecs ain't as cool in wording.

27.Name something you have to do tomorrow?
The same thing I do everyday"/

28.Do you think too much or too little?
TOO MUCH!

29.Do you smile a lot?
Yeahhh!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Silent Saturday (with a few words)

Superstar:) Wait, he's too cool for that, he's a rockstar!
Man, that's model material.

Hahahaha, love it. Laying around in the kitchen.

Friday, September 25, 2009

My Dream Job.

I literally shook all my blankets out & my pillows on my bed lastnight, after I took a shower, to make sure there wasn't a lizard in it. Don't laugh. How would you feel if you had a lizard in your home?

_______________________________
I have nothing to post about in my life, so I thought I'd talk about my dream job. This is obviously a dream because it's never going to happen so here ya go. I would absolutely LOVE to be a co-host on The View. I see you laughing. You know? Well don't! Hahaha, I'm sure you have some crazy funny dream. At least I'm man woman enough to admit mine! Haha, I'm being over dramatic. Just kidding, I'd never fuss like that. But really....

I want to be a co-host on The View.

I'd love it. Hahaha, it'd be the time of my life. How fun would it be to just sit around with a bunch of other woman & talk about the world's hottopics? I believe it'd be a blast. I watch this show everyday. Here in good ol' Morganton it comes on at 11:00am! PLUS!!: They give away the best prizes on there! They are the bomb! Let me tell you! Hahahahaha! Okay....

Am I lame? It'd be cool, just go with it.

______________________________

Now, I'll go watch Phenias & Ferb & wait on Mom to get back with some Tokyo.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.

Mr. Rogers is the bomb. Just wanted to point that out.

Today is so much better than yesterday. Yesterday was rough & somewhat depressing. Along with the last.. about 3 days. Maybe it's because of the rain. Who knows. At this moment I hear the bus dropping off some kids in our neighborhood. I didn't know it was already almost 3. Wow, today has gone by super fast.

I decided to open the door today for a little fresh air & just have the screen door there. Ohkay, it wasn't for fresh air. It's because I'm trying to give a lizard an escape plan from our house. Yes, there is a lizard. Mom was going towards the kitchen & when she sat up to get up off the couch she said "Jamie, don't freak out, there is a lizard about this long" & she showed me with her fingers. Hm, I was like "do I have time to run to the couch over there" I was already in the chair but the loveseat is just a little further away from the lizard which results in some more comfort, hahahaha. Well, we couldn't catch it so Mom's last result was to kill it or knock it out or something. So, she picked up our 100 year old dictionary (we've had it since my oldest brother Chad, who is 28, was a kid) & she chucked it at him. Broke the spine on the dictionary (sorry Seevers) & cut part of the lizard's tail off. However, it didn't knock it out. It decided to run behind our food cabinet. This inspired me to clean my room because I did not want that thing hiding in my clothes hahahaha. I told Mom I wasn't sleeping in my room tonight hahaha. So I made the game plan of opening the front door to let it out of the screen door where it stays open a little. Hope it works.

Me & Mom were talking about what my nephew, Clayton, would do if he were here. I chose jabber at it & chase it. Hahahahaha..

That's my adventure for the day:) I hope that it put some humor in your day.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Summer's over, & I can feel it.

Yes that's right. Officially. & I can feel it. When fall & winter come I get into a slump. Summer is just so exilerating & fun!! & I'm always up to something & you can go outside & hang out with your friends. & church camp!! Translation: Summer's just amazing all the way around. However, fall & winter are cold & you have to stay inside all the time. You can't wear tanktops & feel the sun on your shoulders. You can't lay in the sun & get like me tan burnt. You have to wear long sleeves & jackets & even though the suns out, you can't feel it. I do, however, like the snow (when it snows here in good ol' NC). Oh & Thanksgiving & Christmas!

I don't know. Maybe I don't not like it as much as I thought. I'm just in a "slump" these days. I don't do anything with my life. I don't go to school & I don't have a job. I just want one to have something to do & to make money so I can actually have a life. It sortah bothers me. It will be ohkay though.

"I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me" -Philippians 4:13
"Not that I speak in respect of want, but I have learned that whatsoever state I am; therewith to be content" -Philippians 4:11

Church tonight. Got to go do something with this mop on my head.