Friday, November 13, 2009

My Savior, Redeemer, God, & MY FRIEND.

When I'm in trouble, want to spill my heart out, or just want to feel loved and accepted, I got to my best friends. Last night in my Bible study, I learned that God is my almighty friend. When Jo died, and even when she was diagnosed, I was hurt, scared, and the most powerful emotion of all, angry. I figured out, our wills don't line up... I lost my faith... I feel as if by me losing my faith, I sewed a seed that I now regret. I'm reeping the harvest of not feeling His prescense so much, because I was self-centered. I didn't care about His plan. I wanted my plan! So now, I feel like His hand isn't in mine... However, as if He's leading me by my shoulders. Sometimes, I believe, God pulls His hands away from His children to see if they notice or maybe to check their faith. Long story short, my name for God, through what I'm experiencing right now is, my friend.

Yes, yes, yes, He's my Savior, Redeemer, and God and He fills those blanks when time calls... However, sometimes I need to spill my heart out and cry. Sometimes I just need to talk about random nothingness... Sometimes I just need to feel loved and accepted... all reasons that I go to my best friends... However as much as I love them, they can't be that sort of friend, as good as God. Sometiems when you need a friend, you don't neccessarily need them to say anything or even touch you. Sometimes them being there is enough... Sometimes even though I can't feel Him, knowing He is there is enough.