I'm going to make a new blog. Yes, I love this one a lot and I've had wonderful memories written down, and rants when I'm angry and prayers (true and fake) to a very gracious and worthy God. But, I want something fresh. I'm about to get married and I'm going to make a place for James and I's life to go... and so on and so forth!! I'm excited to start something fresh.

Here goes hours of perfecting a blog layout. It always takes me so long!! OCD!

I will put the link on here when it arrives!

<3

Mrs. Puckett (almost)

Holding Out For a Hero

I want a courageous man.
I want James to be courageous.
I don't want to be the one that wears the pants in a relationship.

Love,
Mrs. Puckett (soon to be)

NOT A PRAYER ~ catch up!

As I normally write a prayer to God, I haven't been here in so long. I pray to God everyday. I feel that when I first started the "I Get On My Knees" thing... it was my justification of prayer. Prayer is something sacred and intimate between you and God and putting it out there for the world to see was my way of being a hypocrite. In a way... Not saying that what I have written wasn't genuine (because it was) but, that was the ONLY prayer I said all day. Whenever I posted, that was my prayer for the day, the week, sometimes even the month.

So, here I am... just blogging. I'm not going to probably be here a lot because I have a Tumblr. But, I will once in a while. Because, I have gained quite a few followers while I have been away and I don't want their click of follow button to be in vain.

So, to catch up...

My last post (or prayer) was about a lady in our church losing the love of her life to a two year battle with cancer. It was heart breaking... I was scared to ever fall in love or be with anyone. But, little did I know a couple months later God would send someone into my life that I fell hopelessly in love with and we are getting married in June. I'm so excited and int he midst of plans everything is coming together. All I need now is a REAL job. Something that brings in more than 40 dollars a week!

Anyhoodle, he is amazing. Everything about him:) everything. At the moment we are going through marriage counseling with my brother (who is going to be the preacher doing the wedding) and he is getting us to write a paper (that I need to get started on) and making a list. 10 goals that I (and he) want to accomplish as individuals in our marriage and 10 goals that we want to accomplish together.

James and I have also decided to do the love dare. We don't have any problems in our relationship at all. We are normal and fuss (and when I say fuss I mean me more than him... he's so humble, bless him) over silly stuff. But, when we first started dating we were both Christians. I had just got my heart broken and was scared to date someone and I was trying to live for the Lord and he was a 'Sunday morning Christian' that ended up getting saved at a revival that we went to in April (sadly I broke up with him that night, but obviously we are doing awesome now!) Anyways, when we started out we mainly had our focus on God. However, we just kept going and got our eyes of God a bit. We didn't do anything bad, we just became comfortable, if you will. And, we are now (after watching Corageous) wanting to live for God and be the best husband and wife we can be to each other. I can't wait to start our lives together so we can glorify God together. I even left him a little note the other day that said "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together" ~Pslam34:3

It's not about us, it's about him and what WE can do for HIM. So, the love dare it is:) Just so we can get closer to God in our individual lives and while in the midst of that, we will become closer than ever to each other.

I love him.

Signed,

~Mrs. Puckett (soon to be:))

LOVE AND LOSS

Dear God,

This weekend I watched Teresa lose the love of her life after they fought his cancer for two years. I haven't had this many sad emotions since Johanna died. My heart is burned and it breaks so much to see a woman cry out in the middle of a service and scream her husbands name... and then raise her hand in praise. The strength I see in her amazes me.

Just last week I was telling my mom how I wanted to get married so bad and have a family. That, that's the happiness I want out of life more than anything else... now that's the scariest thing to me. I'm scared to be alone for the rest of my life yet I'm scared that I would have to go through something like that someday and I just don't want that to happen.

I don't know what you have planned for me.

I know that I watched Mark struggle for so long but he was so strong. He never got mad at you. I haven't been through a glimpse of what he went through and I got angry and resentful towards you. And I want to serve you so bad but I have this fear that you don't want me anymore. I'm not really sure what to think of it. And I write these prayers to you, but are you really getting them? My faith used to be so strong and I don't know how to make it to that point in my life again.

I don't want to live wordly I want to live Godly. It's just I don't want to people to see me as a hypocrite. I don't want to be labeled as that for how I have lived my life in the passed.

Help me, God?

Love, me.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG

Dear God,

I am honestly not even really sure what I should say to you. I have lead myself out of your will and been to scared to talk to you. But, I read this thing today that it just makes it worse when I am so ashamed of my sin that I become silent to you and run away and not talk to you. Thinking that you want nothing to do with me. Why wouldn't you want anything to do with me? You created me? And I am your creation.

Sometimes, Lord, I just feel so messed up I don't know what to do. Some days I'm not sure even which end is up really. I know that you love me, and I know that you are there for me waiting for my return. And I have so many ill feelings in my heart I'm not sure that you really need me to be an example to others.

Today my Grandma told my Mom that I was such a wonderful girl. I just wanted to say to her that she doesn't really know me. If she knew half the things I have done that she wouldn't be so proud of me and that she wouldn't even want to pretend that she knows me... especially that I'm her granddaughter.

I know that I'm not the only person that has ever went through a hard time, but am I the only one that is too scared to talk to you from shame? So... I silence myself. And I have this fear that if you can't use me that you are just going to take me out of the way from this world and move someone else in that can.

I am low in my faith and I need restoration like no other. It hasn't even been a year since my coming back to you at church camp. I want that fire and that zeal and that peace and that contentment that surpasses all understanding back. It's is as if I don't know how to get back to it. I can't blame it on the weather anymore because well, the weather has been beautiful and my favorite kind of weather and I thank you for that.

I really do love you, God... even when I don't act like it or my life doesn't show it. I don't show it or act like it or tell you because, I feel like you are ashamed of me... but I guess, really... I am ashamed of myself. I don't know how to forgive myself so that I feel like you have forgiven me. I know that you have when I asked... I just want to feel it, and for that to happen I have to forgive myself for all that I have done.

I love you.

Love, me.

WINTER TIME

Dear God,

What do you think of me? That's a question that I think is a VERY bold question to ask God. Because, I really don't think I want to know the answer.. but yet I do. However, with the way I am feeling I think that I know the answer. I'm not really sure when the last time I talked to you was. I have thought about you, but to actually say "hey God, you sure are beautiful today" it hasn't happened. I think it's winter. What a sad excuse. But, I don't like winter. I know, I know.. Lord, you made it and it's got to come.. it's part of your cycle. I just don't like being cold. I get bogged down and blue.

I am always the one person that tells people that you have to see the sunny side of life. I am totally seeing it. Six months from now. Even now. My life is turning around. You are getting the biggest hug ever! I am happy, Lord. I really am. Winter is just an excuse.

I don't have an excuse. I'm sorry. Forgive me?

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

SOMETIMES I CRY

Dear God,

I know without a doubt that I'm saved and that you are so good to me all the time. Yet, lately my moods have been ridiculous. One day I can be the happiest person in the whole world and the next it would be best for the world to just not to notice that I exist. Isn't that bad? When I'm your child and sometimes all I want to do is cry?

I grew up in church and I know all about you and your greatness and things... but still, sometimes I want to cry...

I should be happy all the time with the blessings that I have, that you have given me when I didn't deserve them. Does this happen to your other children?

I think I have an idea of what's going on but, I'm not sure. Will you please help me stay in a happy mood?

Oh & I'm going to school soon "/ ach! I'm so nervous. Today I have to go for my physical exam. Will you let everything turn out okay? I'm pretty sure I'm okay.. I suppose it's just one of those nervous things when you go to the doctor when nothing is really wrong, but you are scared you are going to have something.

Will you calm my nerves, please?

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

THERE IS A RIVER

Dear God,
I have been thinking lately, that I am a lot like the woman at the well. My life was ruined and wasted.. and my soul was bound for hell. But then, I met the master and you told me of my sin and said if I'd just drink from the fountain.. I'd never thirst again. That really speaks to my heart.

I can tell that we aren't as close as we were. But, who's fault is that? Yes, Lord.. I know. Mine. I get caught up in so much. I'm not going to make any excuses.. because, well, Father.. there are none to make. No not one.

Thank you for making me happy. I haven't smiled this much, in a long time.

I love you.

In Jesus Name,
Love, me.

THROUGH THE FIRE

Dear God,
Thank you a whole lot for our talk we had last night. I really have faith. It's really there and I know it's going to happen. :) I believe in you! One more time, God, just one more time.

Thank you for allowing me to go with Daddy this morning to sing at the Daycare. Those older people can barely remember what happens from day to day, Lord, but they all lifted their hands when asked if they still remembered the day that the Lord saved them.

Will you let more of you shine through me? So, I can stand and say "I am not ashamed" like the little lady at the Daycare. They are a blessing. Thank you for letting me experience that. & if you would like for me to, I'd like to go back next month when Daddy goes to preach. But, that's up to you. You can just let me know :).

Thank you for my progress in this uphill climb from the "problem" that I had. I know with you that all things are possible and that you will bring me through the fire. I know that with you I can do it. You will give me strength and courage and wisdom to stand up and say no.

You have my life mapped out before me and I don't want to do anything in this world to postpone your will. Remind me that the valley's only make me stronger and that in you I have victory. Keep me in your will so that I won't be in your way.

I love you, Lord. This valley has been very difficult, but, I believe with you I can still make it. I believe I'm through the worst part :) and that only better things are to come. I love you so much for calling my name.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.