Camp '10!

Camp is this week:)

I am so excited. Camp comes at the same time every year. But, this year.. it really couldn't have come at a better time in my life. Right when I need God the most. He sure does know how to work things out! For my good & His glory:).

Our church doesn't go to a camp that is famous or anything.

My brother, Chad, and wife, Nikki, started it about 5 years ago. I honestly can't remember if this is our 5th or 6th year there. After the first year, our church kept it going. All are welcome:). It's so fun!

Here in Morganton there is a common highway by the name of 181. On this highway there is a waterpark called Steele Creek. Across from Steele Creek there is a little road that looks like a private drive. Down that little road across a bridge there is a river and a field and lots of space, some bathrooms and a few cabins. My sanctuary. This is the place where once a year when I get bogged down by the rest of the world.. God rejuvenates my soul:).

I could stay at camp for a month and be completely content. If you experienced it once, you could do the same.

It's back in the "sticks" away from everything. No cell phone services & no electronics are allowed. I know, I know.. you poor souls. Really, I'm a person who needs her cell phone ahaha, because I'm always texting. But, up there.. things like that, are the last things on my mind.

There will be tons of new pictures when I come back next week!

My best friend - James Ashe

My best friend is coming over for supper tonight.
I am really excited.
I don't have a picture of him, so maybe he'll let me steal one tonight? We'll see.

I've always wanted a guy to be my best friend. Just because I like guys better than girls. Girls get on my nerves. Yes, Taylor is my best friend too. But, she's my girl. Having a guy best friend is different.

Since, I'm trying to put off cleaning the house for my visitor.. hahaha, I'll just tell you about him.
Let's see....

We haven't been friends very long. I have worked at Butch's since May? Or March.. or something. I don't even know. Haha, I did not like him at first. Only because, he reminded me of someone I didn't like being reminded of. But, it was just his looks. If you look at him now and then that person at I speak of.. they look nothing alike. I think it was just the glasses and I hadn't seen the before mentioned person in a really long time.

Anyways, I thought he was mean. But, again, I didn't know him. It's sometimes hard to tell when he's kidding or being serious. He's not mean at all. He can be; but, he's just kidding. He really does have a big heart. He's just a boy. He's extremely funny, which is a must if you're my friend.

When they put me on first shift in the kitchen, that's when we became friends. I was excited that he was a Christian and seemed to love my God just as much as me. So, I wanted to get closer to him. You don't find many people in my age bracket that want to serve the Lord. Then he added me on Facebook, & I found out he was a preacher! How awesome! Haha, I was even more excited.

I couldn't really tell you when I started telling him my secrets. But, he knows them. Down to the deepest one I have.

I think I can remember when I started telling him. I had a question about something one day and he could tell something was wrong. & he said "what's wrong J-Lynn?" it went from there. Then, he became my best friend:).

To settle it for some people, I don't like him like that. I don't have feelings for him like that. He's my best friend. I love him to death & I'd do absolutely anything for him. But, it's a best friend love. Yeah, I want to be around him and when I don't get to see him, I miss him. But, it's because he is my best friend.

I think that's how it should be with God. You should love him & want to do absolutely anything for him. You should want to be around him and when you don't get to "see" him or "experience" him.. you should miss him with everything in you. Because, he is your best friend.

Wordless Wednesday - Clayton

If I die young...

If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, before dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song.

Lord make me a rainbow. I'll shine down on my mother. She knows I'm safe with you as she stands under my colors. Oh, life ain't always what you think it ought to be. No it ain't even gray, but she buries her baby. The sharp knife, of a short life. Well I've had just enough time.

& I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom. I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger. Well, I've never known the lovin' of a man. But, it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand. There's a boy here in town, who says he'll love me forever. Who would have thought forever could be severed by a sharp knife of a short life. Well, I've had just enough time.

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done. A penny for my thoughts, oh no.. I'll sale 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. & maybe then you'll hear the words that I've been singin'. It's funny when your dead how people start listenin'.

Oh, the ballad of a dove. Go with peace & love. Gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket. Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em.

Put on your best boys & I'll wear my pearls

Today is not my day.

This morning.. Sunday School was amazing & during church I could feel God all over me and all I could do was cry..

Now, for some reason, I changed in the blink of an eye & I'm ill as a hornet! People just keep coming to my mind that don't act as they should... & I just wish that I could tell them exactly what I think of them. But, would that truly be the thing to do? Not really. & I know that.

A very smart lady that I know said that sometimes you have to wait to say what you want to say so that it comes out the way you want it to. **Thanks Judy**

This is true. I have to wait, because right now when I think of each of them, I get filled with anger. & God wouldn't want me to act that way. I want to be able to go to them in love.

Mercy, Lord help. I want my good mood back.

Last night, I had a great night with my girls:).

I will praise thee for I am fearfully & wonderfully made

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times. & at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you. But, the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry.. is how long must I wait to be with you?

Johanna would have been 9 months old today.

Help me Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know. But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same. 'Cause I'm still here so far away from home.

Isn't it amazing how a little girl that never uttered a word, spoke volumes to so many people?

I close my eyes, and I see your face. If home's where my heart is, then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been so homesick than now.

I still don't understand what happened, nor do I understand why. I know, that I will carry her with me no matter where I go. & when I get the chance I will tell her testimony. It's the purest, strongest, and inspirational testimony I've ever heard. Because of her, I get to share the love of Jesus wherever I go.

In Christ, there are no goodbyes. & in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have. To see you again.

She isn't the only reason I hold onto Jesus. I hold on to Jesus because of what he has brought me through and showed me in my life. Because, one day he pricked my heart and saved my soul. She's just an encouragement.

"I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works; that my soul may knoweth right well."
-Psalms 139:14

for my December.

I just want to go back in time, to American Honey.

Have you ever wanted to go back in time?

Times were simple. You were innocent and pure. You were simple minded and didn't think of the things that could hurt you. There really wasn't anything to hurt you. You had your imaginary friends and your Barbie dolls.

She grew up on the side of the road, where the church bells ring and strong love grows.

I remember once when I was about four or five, it was summer time. We lived on an old farm way out on 64. The way our house was built the basement was the lower part of our house. In front of it was a big yard area.. June Bugs come in summer time. Needless to say the little me was scared of them. But, Momma was showing me something she did when she was a kid. Tie a string around a June Bugs leg and let it fly around..

She grew up good. She grew up slow. Like, American Honey.

When I got over the icky fear that there was a bug on a string flying a foot above my head, I thought it was fun. Then, somehow.. that June Bug on the end of that string got all tangled up around me. & that thing got stuck right on the back of my leg..

Steady as a preacher. Free as a weed. Couldn't wait to get going. But wasn't quiet ready to leave.

Needless to say, I danced. Momma laughed.

So innocent, pure, & sweet. American Honey.

Looking back. I rather have that icky June Bug on my leg and have no care in the world than to be where I am today. With a burdened heart, and nothing but memories.

I like memories.

Hold on to the things that last.

Please say you'll wait for me, I'll come back someday you'll see

Like my face?
POISON OAK .. it's great. Really?
It's on both sides and my neck and it itches uggghh!!
Doctor gave me Prednizone (sp?)..
4 a day for 5 days.
3 a day for 4 days.
2 a day for 3 days.
1 a day for 3 days.
fun, fun, fun!!

On a bright note!! While buying medicine I got a new dress:).

Today Jamie is here, but.. she has thought a lot about her mistakes today. She has been regretful even though she knows the Lord has forgiven her. I'm losing her today. But, maybe I'll find her tomorrow. Actually, I know I will. I'll be around my best friend. He always brings out the best in me. The real me:).

I got lost in this old world, and forgot who I am

VBS ended tonight. Sad to see it go. I love getting together with my best friend's in the whole world and spending time with them. Especially if we are learning about God together:).

I made a new friend this week. Miss Chelsey!
&& I got to see one very good friend that I don't get to see very often. Mr. Dusty!
I also became close with someone I have known for a long time. Mr. Dakota!

I feel like I have been doing my old thing lately. Hanging out with my old friends, getting my mind on the Lord.....

I think I'm finding Jamie again, and it feels great.

:)

how true!

Wordless Wednesday - Taylor Ann Jacskon

:)

pretty much sums it up!

Coming Back To Life

They say you can't go back and relive you past. This being true, I believe that you can go back and live like your past.

So "my girls" & I lived like our past. It was the best fun I have had in such a long time. I was happy. Driving with the top down, listening to loud music, crusing the strip, and checking out guys trucks.

Really.

They were there for the guys.

Me? Being who I am, was there for the trucks:).
All we were missing was one of these............

..................... Dear Lord, allow me to someday contain enough money to buy something like this.
Amen.

We were missing that and we were so close the other night to having something like it.
Not completely like it. But, close. Hahaha.. well in my head.

Ru's truck.

Ru in his truck. She never gets pictures of the truck. Don't get it.
I need a picture of this truck. Y'all don't understand. It's my dream.

Big.
Loud.
Black.
Lifted.

Did I mention loud?
Just like I like my men.

Kidding; kidding.

I had so much fun.

I might remember a few Friday nights. But, I'll always remember my loves that were there for me. & the ones who I thought cared but really didn't. It's good when God places the best of friends in your life. The ones that love Him too. The ones that want what's best for you. & the ones that love you. The real you.

The real me:).

Behold The Lamb

After some things that have happened in recent months, weeks, ... days I have had a problem connecting with God. I couldn't feel Him. I can't stand that. At. All. It's like I need to feel Him. Like, I yearn for Him. It's just a necessity in my life.

Behold the lamb. I will worship.

Every morning, when I work, on my way to work is the perfect oppurtunity for some alone time for God. Well, Lauren Talley has become my sidekick. Her and I jam out everyday. We have got real close. Soul Sisters. Really, she's awesome.

Behold the lamb. I will honor.

I heard this song today. It was amazing.
I got chill bumps.
I felt God.
It was like I had a cure.

I have an addiction.
To God.
When I can't feel him, it's like I need a fix.
Well, this morning I did.

He is holy, He is marvelous, My strong tower, He is righteous.

& again when I was headed home.

The living word, Sacrifice, Restorer of my broken life.

My life isn't broken anymore.
What I have done in the past does not have to make me who I am.
It can help me help someone else whom I may someday come in contact with someday who needs someone. I will take my past and make it to glorify God.

I can just now look back and see where God has brought me from.

Behold The Lamb.

As truthful as I can get.

Since October of last year, I have went through a lot.

It started on October 23, 2oo9 with the loss of my niece, Johanna Raye Carswell.

I've said it before, I am not her mom or her dad. I didn't give birth to her and I'm sure my love doesn't compare to theirs at all, but like many others.. I was hurt and disappointed by her death. 63 minutes is a short time to live. I had a lot of anger and things towards God. I didn't pray and I didn't care. I fought this for about ... two months? Till December.

My December.

When I was to the point to where I couldn't take anymore and I couldn't handle it. When I thought I couldn't go on. Because, I wanted God but I was scared that my stubbornness had messed it up forever. God sent him into my life.

I remember the night he said "I don't know what God wants for us, but here's what we can do. Tonight, when we go to bed, you pray for what God wants and I will pray for what God wants." All I said was "okay." I planned to pray, even though I couldn't feel God, I knew He was there.

That night when I laid down, I planned to pray for him and I. So, I did.. and as soon as I started praying, I could feel God again.

My December.

I was so happy back then.
We went through this thing in about the end of December, beginning of January. I thought he didn't care, he was just busy.. it was just ridiculous. As soon as we fixed things I met somebody..

I was on a seriously good path with God, and I was when I met him. I remember the very first night we talked he said "you aren't one of those fake Christians are you? You talk it up and don't live it" I said "no, not me. I live the way I'm suppose to. Not perfect, but I try to live right" ...

I didn't know then that, that was a lie in itself. I changed. Completely. I wanted him to like me so bad that I changed the person I was. & I truly believe that if I would have stayed the same, and not changed. He would have liked me just fine.

However, I did change.

Things happened and we stopped hanging out.
I tried to live for God again and I was doing wonderful.

I met another person.

I hurt someone I loved very much to be with him. I actually enjoyed my relationship with him. But, I messed up and I hurt him. It hurts that I did that, and I, in all honesty, don't know why I did it. I do miss him, I won't lie. Because, I didn't change for him. I was still me. I was JamieLynn and he respected that completely. Because, he cared. I could be myself, I could stay myself. I always had fun. & he made me happy.

Oh well...

I've always wanted to save the whole world. I've always thought I was strong enough to stand against the "whiles of the devil" .. psht. No thanks. Can't do it.

I failed. & I lost myself. Literally. I ask myself, "where is Jamie?" Everyday. It wasn't anybody's fault but my own. I could have said no to a lot of things I have done. I could have stood up and said "nah". I could have not lied and I could have not hurt all the people that I care about.

As I said, A LOT has happened to me. I would go back and redo 2010 if I could. I would have said yes to some things and no to others. Being young is a hard journey haha, but in the end I know it's worth it. We're going to work on finding Jamie now. & being who she is suppose to be.

I have a problem with compromising a lot. I. refuse. to. ever. compromise. again. The end. I. will. not. I will follow God. He will be the heart of my heart.

I have spent a lot of time trying to save the people I love. In the process, I lost Jamie. Now, I have to set aside saving others and just pray for them. It's time to save myself. I have decided to follow Jesus.

It's time to do me!