Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You need to smack yourself in the flesh..

Thought I would slide in here before we leave for church.. (all 6 of you that follow:))

At this moment I'm having an OCD attack because my sheet is coming off my bed. I'm going to choose to ignore it because like my mother says "it's easy Jamie.. it's going to be okay!" hahaha. The world will not end if my sheet isn't fixed. It won't end even though my perfume bottle is turned the wrong way, it won't end even though my mirror is a little crooked, if I don't go back and then forward again on my iPod, or if my drawer isn't closed.. **breathe.

I really am OCD, I should be tested for it, so my parents will stop thinking I'm crazy. Anyways, that's not why I'm here..

I'm sure all of you that have a relationship with God have been through this little perdicament that I am about to share with you. Flesh vs. God. Know what I'm talking about? Mine involves CM & the new kid. I feel like maybe, just maybe God wants me to be with CM. When the new kid hurt my feelings and such, all I wanted was for CM to be there for me.. & of course he was, because he said that he'd "wait forever".

Wait, wait, wait.. let me redo this. To make it simple for y'all!

I believe God is telling me to go more towards CM. Because, CM loves God just like I do.. & through out all our fighting & me even talking to someone else.. he has been there & stayed & we can still talk on the phone for four hours without the slightest feeling of awkwardness & laugh our butts off. I found a quote in this book I have (Truth About Guys by Chad Eastham)..

"True friends don't spend time gazing into each others eyes. They may show great tenderness towards each other, but they face in the same direction --- toward common interests and goals--- above all, a common Lord" -C.S. Lewis.

CM & I do that. We are the BEST of friends, & I can truely be me around him.. & he loves God. We have actually conversations that last a lengthy amount of time about God, church, the Bible. I've never had that before..

Although he lives far away, if God would lead me & my heart in that direction, it would work out. Just because God doesn't make mistakes.

The new kid. My flesh wants him. Not in a gross way, I'm not for all that stuff. I mean.. the new kid appeals to me. Yes, to my eyes, but also to my.. I don't know the word. Interests?! Not that CM doesn't. Here's the thing. The new kid is saved & he does go to church. However, his spiritual walk does not line up with mine. I'm like 52435390 times ahead of him. As horrible as this sounds, I can already feel my relationship with God weaken. I'm not like quitting church, cutting my hair, & joining a cult. (apparentally when I miss church it makes the news, it did last Wednesday, anyways). Anyways.. it weakens because I'm not asking God's guidance in our "relationship" or whatever it is. I'm just doing it.

I believe everything happens for a reason & the new kid was put into my life for a reason. Maybe for me to be an example to him & encourage him to be where he needs to be with the Lord. Possibly not as a girlfriend, maybe just a good friend.

I can't read him though. I'm normally pretty good at reading people. But, his pages get stuck together. Drives me insane when I can't figure someone out. You would think if you spent two days with someone you would be able to read them a little better, but I can't. He's mysterious.

So, there you have it.. my dilema. Not really a huge one, but it could be. I'm still fighting my flesh. My best friend said "you need to smack yourself in the flesh" hahaha, love that girl.

Maybe just maybe, if I asked God's guidance, it'd be clearer on who to date. I'd figure out which one is suppose to be my friend & which one is suppose to be my beau. Hm.. I feel like I'm in highschool again. I never had guys in highschool. I "dated" about.. 4 in four years. But, three of them were in the 9th grade. Oh my, oh my..

Hmm.. whatadooo?! I hear the church bell, seeya!


chadandnikki said...

Smack yourself in the flesh and let God lead you. He will never tell you the wrong thing. Praying for ya.