Happy 2010

2009 has been a different year. If you would have looked at me January 1, 2009 & been like "Jamie your year is going to be like this..." if you would have told my sisterinlaw was going to get pregnant again & have a babygirl but that baby girl was going to have a chormosone thing called T18 & was only going to live for 63 minutes & that I was going to be very angry with God for a very long time.. and that I was going to have a literal breakdown in front of about 15 people at church camp.. I would have looked at you like you were insane.

However my year did hold that. Nikki did get pregnant with the most perfect babygirl I have ever laid my eyes on. I don't think even my own children could measure up to her perfection. She did have a disorder called T18. & she did only stay here for 63 minutes. Those are times I'll never forget.. I was mad at God for a very long time. I tried to find light in the darkness of the situation, but you know.. sometimes it's hard. I chose to give God the "cold shoulder" -- take my advice & never do that. Lean on Him & let Him direct you. That was in all honesty the hardest thing I've ever went through. & even when I told Him it was okay that I wasn't mad anymore and that I wanted to come home. He let me know I was welcome but I had some reprocuations of some serious silence. A silence that lasted 3 months.

Other things in my life that will remain unspoken happened also so it wasn't all because I gave God the cold shoulder.

Most of everyone I've told has thought I was crazy.. even CM. However, when I met CM, he was just amazing to me. We decided that we didn't know what God wanted in our lives but believed God had lead us to each other & that we should pray about what to do next. God had been silent to me for three months & in that three months I continued to pray because I knew God was there.. so I prayed about the CM situation & in the midst of my prayer I felt God's precense. I will never ever forget that night. I felt Him. I cried.. haha, I don't think I've ever cried that hard because I could feel Him. It had been so long. It was a foregin feeling but a feeling that is so undescribable & amazing.

Now you can understand some more why CM is so important to me. God used him.. I believe. One of those things where God works in mysterious ways & uses people you would never expect.

By the way. Things have gotten a lot better. I didn't even disect anything today:) I got a very.. what's the word?.. sweet text this morning. & it's just gotten better. I truely believe God sent CM my way and my mind will never change about that. That's why all of this has been such a big deal to me. I thought I was going to lose someone that had such a big impact on my life. && for once in my life, I thought it was worth it. & I felt like I had something to fight for:)

This is all so jumbled. I'm sorry. It's 2:00am & I'm tired. We had a wonderful watch night service and God came by just like we all asked Him to do. I love Him so much & thank Him for His wonderful glory that He graciously bestows upon me and my family & my friends.

I may have grew up in a bubble. && at times I disliked my parents for that bubble. But, now.. looking back I thank God for that bubble. Because without it I know for sure I wouldn't be where I am today. My life is beautiful. Even though it has some clouds of gray & showers of sadness. However, if we didn't have the bad days what would be the need for prayer? If we didn't have bad days.. why would we need God? So, I thank Him for the bad days. & I thank Him for the good.

My song for today: "I Have Been Blessed"..
God is so good to me.
Precious are His thoughts of you & me.
No way could I count them..
There's not enough time.
So I will just thank Him for being so kind.
God is so good, so good.
I have been blessed:)

Getting Better?

I suppose you could say that. If I was a simple person that didn't look at anything twice and analyze every detail.. well I wouldn't be Jamie if I didn't do that. However, if I was like that then I could say that it wasn't getting better. However, since I'm a disector then it is getting better. I take every text as getting better depending on what it says and what the attitude in the text says. Call me weird if you like. He does. Hahaha, so does everyone else.

I'm still tired of feeling like straight up crap. On a good note.. I haven't cried today:). I've kept my day busy and have filled my mind with other things. I have, on the other hand, figured out that when you are in the quiet of your home at night before you go to sleep everything you could have been thinking about all day comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks. I'd rather it to be a ton of feathers. Even though they way the same the landing would be slot softer. Unless of course they were packed together. Hmmmm.

Anyways!! It does. So I haven't cried (knock on wood, wish on a star, and pray).

Speaking of stars... I can't see any because it is snowing AGAIN! I'm one to enjoy the snow. Not so much when it's been here for two weeks and the whole town stops production when it hits the ground. I refuse to be stuck in this house again because my best friend is out of town and can't come save me. BTW: I miss her. & can't wait till she comes back home.

I watched Paranormal Activity today. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Creepy, yes. Scary, not so much. But of makes meno less scared of the dark. Just saying. Want a laugh? Thought so.. stupid me thought it was real hhahahaha. Because I'm cool and got that into it. I thought it was real footage. I liked the movie though.

Have any of y'all seen it?

Disclaimer: from my itouch ignore mistakes.

Like You Care.

Thought I'd update you on CM for all three of you that read my blog.

Uh, not a whole lot has changed. Just a little. He talks more and isn't so distant. I took my amazing SIL's advice and did not pretend that I didn't know him because when I thought about that would have made things so much worse. I really do care about him. I mean.. I just do. God knows because I talk about it with Him all the time. Things are just different and after talking to CM, he didn't find anything different. He's just "scared to get hurt". I care about his feelings and I understand that he has been hurt a lot in the past but if I hear it one more time... Anyways, is it necessary to compare me to those girls? Because I can promise him one thing, I'm nothing like any girl he's ever met. Most everyone knows that. My dear ol' dad told me the other day "there aren't many like you. In fact, there's none like you". That was in the middle of his "I'm proud of you" speech. Which by the way are my favorite speeches:).

BACK ON TRACK! One more question.. Is it necessary or fair to put me with those girls? Liking he is waiting for failure. && to keep from getting hurt he accidentally hurts?

Why in the midst of all this confusion... I still find him as perfect as I ever have?

So many unanswered questions. So much time.. I need a life. Hahahahaha.

(once again coming from my iPod touch. Sorry for mistakes:))

My Favorite Part of Christmas..

No, it wasn't getting what I wanted.

&& it wasn't seeing my nephew get a thousand toys.

&& it wasn't about seeing my sisterinlaw's nephew get a good Christmas.

It wasn't about the Christmas Play @ church (even though Jesus is the reason for the season!)

No.. it was about this.

Seeing my nephew play in wrapping paper & having the time of his life.

Even though he got:

-blocks

-guitar

-tricycle

-tent

-guns

-laptop

-etc...

He loved the wrapping paper. Don't you love how kids find the simple things?

I wish I could do that more often...

Just find the simple things:)

Catchup on the last three weeks..

Why do I find the need to blog endlessly about a guy? Because I have nothing better to do with my life. Okay so before I get into this too deep.. I met someone. && no he infortunatley does not live here. Anyhoo.. We have talked for about 3 and a half weeks. Before you go weird on me let me inform those of you who have followed me from the beginning.. T has nothing on this guy. Never has and never will. This new guy.. Shall we call him, uh.. CM. That's not obvious, anyways!!!

When me and CM started talking no joke he is like the boy version of me even my dad said "this could be the boy I have been praying for". When my dad says something nice about a guy and then let's me call him after meetig him online.. that's crazy my friend. Because my dad doesn't care much for the good ol' 'net. Which I understand when it comes to all the things that have happened to people on there and stuff. Anyways. When I started talking to CM it was awesome. We have just about everything in common which is a big deal to me because I never have everything in common with a guy. The thing that we had in common that we had most of all was God. If you know me or even half of my heart of hearts you would know that Godliness is NUMBER 1 thing on my Guy List For God. I have always wanted to meet someone that loved God as much as me and we could build off what He wants in our lives and that's what me and CM have done. We started praying about it all......

Long story short? Because I know if I were you I'd be begging me to just give me the short story because this is boring.

He is so scared of getting hurt he basically pushes me away. Not on purpose. It just happens like that. So on accident he hurts me to keep from getting hurt. He then decides that maybe we just moved too fast and I agree with him and we decide to start over...

I'm going to point out bow ridiculous it feels to sit there and pretend that we don't know eachother. Because I know what makes him tick... what makes him happy, sad, angry, laugh... && I have to pretend I don't.

Any words of wisdom? Don't diss me 'cause I'm young. Give me some real advice and encouragement.

This is coming from my itouch so apologies about anything misspelled or whatever:)

:) :) :)

I love making DVD's if you don't know. Taking pictures and videos and putting them to music or words and it's just a lot of fun and they mean a lot to the people you give them too. I always make them around Christmas time because it's a good meaningful-from-the-heart gift. & it will make you cry and laugh your hindend off at the same time! Because yes, me.. I am cool like that!

We (as in my best friend & I) have been trying to make a video for a friend of mine.. and we are trying to be serious but we just keep cracking up. It’s so funny. I think I’m going to send them to my friend anyways.. because it’s the real us acting crazy. It’s a lot of laughing and camera shaking because I can’t be serious.. Ever. It’s impossible to be serious when you are with your best friend. True story.

You probably do not care that I had to pee. (Sorry). But.. that's what happens at 1:someodd time in the morning and you have been laughing for an hour straight. This isn't the funniest one. I deleted the way funny one on accident"/.. I was upset. But it's okay.. we will make more funny ones! Plus when I'm 70.. it will be fun to sit around with her & watch them:).. Because yes, we will be bestfriends forever.

Jesus Take Everything!

If you know me in the slightest you know that I express myself through music. I find music that describes how I feel in that certain moment or even that day.. I absolutey love to find songs that describe how I feel about my Savior.. I have two that are on my top list right now. They are called "Find You Waiting" by DecemberAdio and "Take Everything" by Seventh Day Slumber.

The one you get to experience today is Seventh Day Slumber. I recently found this band about two months ago and they are absolutey amazing. Joseph Rojas (the lead singer) has a beautiful testimony. God saved him from crack addictions and all sorts of things, you should look him up.

I can honestly say they are my all time favorite band EVER! It's just an amazing group. He said that he started singing because he wanted to give something back to God for all God had done for him. && music was one thing he was really good at.

I have had this song, and many of their other songs on my iTouch for so long and I know the words but sometimes it's where you like the music and you know the words but you never really LISTEN to them.. well in the video below, he spoke the words before he sang some of them.. && it spoke volumes to me.

ENJOY! :)

Another melody,

Another empty song,

I tell myself that I have praised you,

And try and make believe

This is all you want

But once again I know

I’ve missed it.

Praising you is not just the songs I sing,

Jesus here I am

Take everything

Take the pain inside,

Take the brokenness.

Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.

My arrogance, my pride,

The loss of innocence,

Jesus, take everything.

There’s nothing left I need,

That’s when I feel alive.

Holy Spirit fall Fresh upon me,

You can have it all.

Take the pain inside,

Take the brokenness.

Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.

My arrogance, my pride,

The loss of innocence..

Jesus, take everything.

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,How can it be

That You, my King, should die for me?

Amazing love,I know it’s true.

It’s my joy to honor You,

In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

:)

It truly is amazing love.

I can't believe that, above all things.

He loves me more than anything.

&& you if you didn't know:)

Thank you my God!

I love you.

Happy Birthday Kory!

I don't agree with how he lives his life, and he knows that..

But he's still my cousin and we have still been there for everything in each others life. && even though sometimes he breaks my heart, I still love him very, very much.. & so does God. He's the only friend I've had since birth & I love him a whole bunch!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BIG BIG COUSIN!

Johanna

I'm not the one that talks about Johanna alot. But I was doing my bible study tonight and I thought about her because today we had a luminary service at her grave, it was neat.

This verse is what I wanted to share with you:

John 4:11 says "...This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby"

So true, huh?

I figured something out...

I've never told anyone because I didn't want to sound "stupid" or "ridiculous" but, God has been silent to me for almost 3 months. I just figured (from things not spoken) that I wasn't worthy enough for Him to answer my prayers. However, His word says "none is good, no not one"...

Then I open my Bible Study to start it.. and it's on when God is silent and "has God ever been silent in your life?" I was like "oh my!" I love how He works and it seems like it is just for you!

Sometimes God is silent because He isn't ready for you to know what's going on and what He's doing just yet.

There are two ways that you can deal with this silence.. you could be like me and get angry and upset and frustrated! (not a good choice, just saying. It ruins a very good relationship) ... Or you could just surrender to Him and say "Lord, just show me what you want me to know"...

That's what you do if it isn't sin that is keeping Him from speaking to you.

:) Wanted to share what I learned!!

Chicken Spaghetti?

I'm sure you are making the facial expression of "what?!" right now.. but seriously, bare with me. It's amazing. My bestfriend:) in all her greatness introduced me to this delicioso meal:D Really, it's good.It's not what you are thinking it is either, replacing your meatballs/hamburger (whichever you use).. it's like an awesome mexican dish for spaghetti or something:)Doesn't that look so good?! I know you think it does!! So I'm going to graciously give you the recipe for it.. please try it. Really, it's simple and easy & tastes NOTHING like normal spaghetti.

CHICKEN SPAGHETTI

2 cans of diced tomatoes.

1 can of Rotel

1 box of spaghetti noodles (or angel hair.. I personally think it'd make a neat lasagna)

2 cans of cream of chicken (we used one can of cream of chicken and one of cream of mushroom - either one works.. whatever you want!)

2 chicken breasts

Shredded Cheese (whichever you like)

Cook your chicken

Cook your noodles

While they are cooking mix all other ingredients in a large bowl (except cheese).

Once the chicken and noodles are finished put them into your bowl and mix it all together.

Put a layer in your cassarole dish and the put a layer of cheese.

Repeat till you use all your bowl ingredients

Pop it in the oven @ 350 for 45 minutes.

I know, I know.. I'm not good at writing recipes but I hope you figure it out for your good!
Because it is delicious!! Before you know it you will be stuffing you face. Really!It really is amazing, & I really hope you try it!! Thanks TAYLOR!!

Throwing in Clayton for good measure:) Just because I miss him!!:D<3>