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Sunday, April 10, 2011

LOVE AND LOSS

Dear God,


This weekend I watched Teresa lose the love of her life after they fought his cancer for two years. I haven't had this many sad emotions since Johanna died. My heart is burned and it breaks so much to see a woman cry out in the middle of a service and scream her husbands name... and then raise her hand in praise. The strength I see in her amazes me.

Just last week I was telling my mom how I wanted to get married so bad and have a family. That, that's the happiness I want out of life more than anything else... now that's the scariest thing to me. I'm scared to be alone for the rest of my life yet I'm scared that I would have to go through something like that someday and I just don't want that to happen.

I don't know what you have planned for me.

I know that I watched Mark struggle for so long but he was so strong. He never got mad at you. I haven't been through a glimpse of what he went through and I got angry and resentful towards you. And I want to serve you so bad but I have this fear that you don't want me anymore. I'm not really sure what to think of it. And I write these prayers to you, but are you really getting them? My faith used to be so strong and I don't know how to make it to that point in my life again.

I don't want to live wordly I want to live Godly. It's just I don't want to people to see me as a hypocrite. I don't want to be labeled as that for how I have lived my life in the passed.

Help me, God?

Love, me.

9 comments:

Beaver said...

I highly appreciate your good feelings regarding God but hey! Jesus isn't God and it can be prove from the bible itself. No joking!! I can debate with you on that.

Candyce Strauss said...

That was really nice. I hope for some of the same things, actually.

hapi said...

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Astradene said...

Well done for your blog and keep speaking to God, as we all do...

Ramesh's Blog Spot said...

Incredible blog presentation and writing. The content was very interesting and simple. It was just awesome.
Great Blog
Keep Posting

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