Sunday, April 10, 2011


Dear God,

This weekend I watched Teresa lose the love of her life after they fought his cancer for two years. I haven't had this many sad emotions since Johanna died. My heart is burned and it breaks so much to see a woman cry out in the middle of a service and scream her husbands name... and then raise her hand in praise. The strength I see in her amazes me.

Just last week I was telling my mom how I wanted to get married so bad and have a family. That, that's the happiness I want out of life more than anything else... now that's the scariest thing to me. I'm scared to be alone for the rest of my life yet I'm scared that I would have to go through something like that someday and I just don't want that to happen.

I don't know what you have planned for me.

I know that I watched Mark struggle for so long but he was so strong. He never got mad at you. I haven't been through a glimpse of what he went through and I got angry and resentful towards you. And I want to serve you so bad but I have this fear that you don't want me anymore. I'm not really sure what to think of it. And I write these prayers to you, but are you really getting them? My faith used to be so strong and I don't know how to make it to that point in my life again.

I don't want to live wordly I want to live Godly. It's just I don't want to people to see me as a hypocrite. I don't want to be labeled as that for how I have lived my life in the passed.

Help me, God?

Love, me.


King said...

I highly appreciate your good feelings regarding God but hey! Jesus isn't God and it can be prove from the bible itself. No joking!! I can debate with you on that.

Candyce Strauss said...

That was really nice. I hope for some of the same things, actually.

hapi said...

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Αστραδενή / Astradene said...

Well done for your blog and keep speaking to God, as we all do...

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