WINTER TIME

Dear God,

What do you think of me? That's a question that I think is a VERY bold question to ask God. Because, I really don't think I want to know the answer.. but yet I do. However, with the way I am feeling I think that I know the answer. I'm not really sure when the last time I talked to you was. I have thought about you, but to actually say "hey God, you sure are beautiful today" it hasn't happened. I think it's winter. What a sad excuse. But, I don't like winter. I know, I know.. Lord, you made it and it's got to come.. it's part of your cycle. I just don't like being cold. I get bogged down and blue.

I am always the one person that tells people that you have to see the sunny side of life. I am totally seeing it. Six months from now. Even now. My life is turning around. You are getting the biggest hug ever! I am happy, Lord. I really am. Winter is just an excuse.

I don't have an excuse. I'm sorry. Forgive me?

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

SOMETIMES I CRY

Dear God,

I know without a doubt that I'm saved and that you are so good to me all the time. Yet, lately my moods have been ridiculous. One day I can be the happiest person in the whole world and the next it would be best for the world to just not to notice that I exist. Isn't that bad? When I'm your child and sometimes all I want to do is cry?

I grew up in church and I know all about you and your greatness and things... but still, sometimes I want to cry...

I should be happy all the time with the blessings that I have, that you have given me when I didn't deserve them. Does this happen to your other children?

I think I have an idea of what's going on but, I'm not sure. Will you please help me stay in a happy mood?

Oh & I'm going to school soon "/ ach! I'm so nervous. Today I have to go for my physical exam. Will you let everything turn out okay? I'm pretty sure I'm okay.. I suppose it's just one of those nervous things when you go to the doctor when nothing is really wrong, but you are scared you are going to have something.

Will you calm my nerves, please?

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

THERE IS A RIVER

Dear God,
I have been thinking lately, that I am a lot like the woman at the well. My life was ruined and wasted.. and my soul was bound for hell. But then, I met the master and you told me of my sin and said if I'd just drink from the fountain.. I'd never thirst again. That really speaks to my heart.

I can tell that we aren't as close as we were. But, who's fault is that? Yes, Lord.. I know. Mine. I get caught up in so much. I'm not going to make any excuses.. because, well, Father.. there are none to make. No not one.

Thank you for making me happy. I haven't smiled this much, in a long time.

I love you.

In Jesus Name,
Love, me.

THROUGH THE FIRE

Dear God,
Thank you a whole lot for our talk we had last night. I really have faith. It's really there and I know it's going to happen. :) I believe in you! One more time, God, just one more time.

Thank you for allowing me to go with Daddy this morning to sing at the Daycare. Those older people can barely remember what happens from day to day, Lord, but they all lifted their hands when asked if they still remembered the day that the Lord saved them.

Will you let more of you shine through me? So, I can stand and say "I am not ashamed" like the little lady at the Daycare. They are a blessing. Thank you for letting me experience that. & if you would like for me to, I'd like to go back next month when Daddy goes to preach. But, that's up to you. You can just let me know :).

Thank you for my progress in this uphill climb from the "problem" that I had. I know with you that all things are possible and that you will bring me through the fire. I know that with you I can do it. You will give me strength and courage and wisdom to stand up and say no.

You have my life mapped out before me and I don't want to do anything in this world to postpone your will. Remind me that the valley's only make me stronger and that in you I have victory. Keep me in your will so that I won't be in your way.

I love you, Lord. This valley has been very difficult, but, I believe with you I can still make it. I believe I'm through the worst part :) and that only better things are to come. I love you so much for calling my name.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

YOU'RE STILL GOD

Dear God,
This life you have allowed me to lead has been an up and down battle since Johanna's first birthday. I know that you allow everything to happen to me for a reason, unknown to me. I also know that I could have stopped a lot of things that have lead me here. & I also thank you that you have forgiven me for failing you so miserably and horribly. I'm so wretched, yet you love me more and more as time goes on. You never fail. You have kept every promise you have ever made me.

No matter the heart break I you allow and I bring upon myself. You're still God. I never thought that I would want to rewind my life and redo everything. I thought I was this amazing person, Lord. But, I'm not. I'm vile, mean, rude, unworthy. Not good at all. But, none of us are.

You'll make a way somehow. There is sunshine in this storm. I can feel it :).

Thank you Lord for my best friend. I almost lost her the other day. I'm not sure exactly what I would do without her. She's the only one who has been there for EVERYTHING and never left me. Well, that's not true, now is it? That is you. But, you have allowed her to be my best friend to be here to help me through everything. Thank you.

I praise you and thank you for finally allowing me and pointing me towards the right kind of guy. I am still going to stick to my dating fast, however if you allow him to feel the same for me.. I will go for it. Is that okay? I believe if you let him.. it's okay. I can just feel you in the midst of it! :). It's all up to you, though. I will love you either way. Because, you're still God!

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

TAKE EVERYTHING

Dear God,
I want you to take everything I have. Every fear, emotion, thought, family member, friend, hobby, job, boyfriend/husband.. whatever may come my way in my life.. everything. Take the pain inside, take the brokenness, don't stop til there's nothing left. You can have it for your glory. I don't want it anymore. I can not deal with it. I can not handle it. But, you, my God, are the one who can. You are so powerful, long-suffering, and wonderful. You can handle everything I can't. You have already forgiven me.. yes.. but take me and although I don't deserve it, if you would like, use me. For you. By you. I am willing.

I have been so wrong to you , O God, and do not deserve your blessings. Yet I keep seeing them everyday. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are so worthy! I can not praise you enough for what you bring me to. You knew everything that would happen to lead me up to this point. You knew exactly what it would take. Although it was a hard lesson that may or may not be over.. You are in control of ALL things, my God. You are what was and is and yet to come. You know everything that is going to happen. I will not ask why. I am scared to death, but tonight I am stepping out on faith that you know what you are doing. Because, you do. Better than me or anyone else. Thank you for a peace that surpasses all understanding.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Dear God,

I have no where to start. I don't even feel worthy enough to come to you. I never knew that people were saying when they said "all the bad things I have done to Christ... & he still loves me, I don't understand why". I think I said that possibly because nothing bad had really happened to me. Other than the things leading up to my salvation. However, God, I failed you after my salvation. Has anyone done this to you? The way I did? After the promise they made and then back out on it?

I don't expect to receive your blessings for a rather long time. If I ever receive them again.. I just ask for forgiveness and your grace. I will never go back and never do it again. I am YOURS.

Please forgive me, I need your grace to make it through. All I have is you. I'm at your mercy.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

LET THE WATERS RISE

Dear God,
I haven't spent very much time with you today. I have either been chatting with friends, watching movies, or playing with my nephew. Even though those are very important things in my life, I could have stopped for five to ten minutes.. other than the 30 seconds it takes to say my blessing and pray and talk to you for a little bit. To open up your word and glance at a verse or two. Will you forgive me, Lord? Tomorrow, I shall spend some time with you. If you decide to give us good weather, I will go outside and find somewhere to go and sit for my Bible study and spend some time with you :). I think that'd be a perfect date. I know it says where two or three are gathered.. but, how about just one? Me. Will you accept that and come visit me?

This valley gets deeper as each day passes. I get more into myself and alone. I don't like it and want to be near friends all the time.. yet at the same time, I don't. Does that make sense? Of course it does to you.. you are God. You don't have questions. You know what's going on, that's why I'm telling you all this. There's a raging sea right in front of me. Wants to pull me in bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise, if you want them to, I will follow you. No matter what. Because, I know what it's like not to..

I'm holding your hand.

One of my close friends is in a new relationship, Lord. He's more like my brother. & I know how he is with his mind on school.. will you help him to know how to balance both, with you still in the center? I am so proud of him. He has done so good at following his dreams, and you. You let him get accepted into the school that he's always wanted to go to and major in what he's always wanted to do. Will you use him? I know you do in my life daily. He's so humble. Will you bless his girlfriend too? Because, she is my friend too and I want what's best for both of them.

I also pray for Nathaniel. Will you continue to help him and use him and bless him? He makes me smile. He has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met. He is so much like me it's insane! I've never met someone who understands what I'm trying to say. Thank you for giving me such a sweet friend.

My last request of the night, God. I pray for my preacherman. Because, this has been on my heart for a couple days. Will you give him the woman he is suppose to be with? The one that can take care of him and meet whatever he needs? Will you give him one that is in love with you? & wants to adore you and serve you like he does? I'm not sure how long it will take, but I just wanted to pray that for him, because it's been on my heart.

I am going to go now. I love you so.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

YOU SANG A SONG OVER ME

Dear God,
I am singing my songs in the night today. I am remembering all the good wonderful things you have done for me. You set my feet on a solid rock.. when I was in nasty old mucky clay.. hmm... I start to remember all the bad things I have done to you and then I remember you singing a song over me. I never want this love to end. Make a promise to me now that the love that I feel is so much more real than anything. You are everything God. You are my everything. You have given me a beautiful family that loves you and amazing friends that adore you too.. You have revived me. You have given me new life!

God, I really want to thank you for my new friend Nathaniel. He is a real blessing to me. It's nice to have someone that you can go to and talk about you and your love and your grace and your word and your songs. It's nice to know that there are still amazing people in this world. Good people. Godly people. It's hard to find in anyone. & I value this friendship you have given me. Lord, will you bless him? Will you help him? Help him to always stay happy and loving in you. He's such a sweet soul, oh Lord.

In my book, God, today wasn't a very good day. But, then again.. you gave it to me. So, I will count it as a blessing. I love you so much. & I know that I have began my journey through my valley. I will make it through. Because, you are on the God on the mountain.. just like you are God in the valley.

Will you come visit our church tomorrow? I liked it when you came by last Sunday. It was nice to feel you and spend time with you.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

FORGIVE ME

Dear God,
I think I will mark today down as a pretty good day. After all you gave it to me when you didn't have to. I love you for that. I know that I have failed you today. I fail you everyday, but today I know I did for sure. Will you forgive me for that please? & I won't ever do that again. I promise. I love you too much, Lord, too much to risk anything with you. I want all of you. I want to be filled with you and for you to know me personally and intimately as I want to know you. I want to be yours. I want you to use me. I am willing to be anything you want me to be. Lord, you've given new life to me.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM

Dear God,
Tonight I have started the bible study that the ladies at church are doing & so far I love the way it is set up! & the subject that it's about. Knowing who you really are in all your holiness! I notice how people, including me, put you on our level and think that just because we do something good for you that you owe us something when in fact everything comes from you to begin with so you owe us NOTHING! It's an amazing concept. & I love how it was pointed out to me that your love for me is not based on my performance for you. You never change and you have always been the same. What I think of you reflects who I am in every situation that comes my way. Oh, I just like this study so much!

God, you know the things that burden my heart this day. & I know that I am about to head into a valley. I can feel it, I may not be able to explain it but I can feel it. & I know that you are with me every step of the way and in the valley or on the mountain top I will praise you because one day you decided to call my name. & since you are nothing like us.. and at our best we are only a hint of what you truly are, you will never forget my name. I will praise you oh Lord and I will still love you. Because, you have chosen me.. you have called MY NAME! God, and as I go through this and in the midst of this, although it may cross my mind, I will never ask why, Lord.. Because, you know what's best for me. You have never had a counselor and you have never had a question that has crossed your mind. You know all things, you are all knowing and all powerful and you know what is best. You know just what I need when I need it. & You will give me just what I need when I need it. Thank you, Lord!

:) In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

ON FIRE

Dear God,
Thank you so much for loving me so good & one day calling my name!

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

I WANT WHAT YOU WANT

Dear God,
Will you settle my heart from feeling this way? I want to live for you, and I want you to send me who you want. I honestly don't know what to do with the feelings I have. I don't want to talk to anyone about them, I don't want anyone's opinion. I want your opinion and what you would have me to do. Who you would have me to be with. Will you place my feelings where you want them to be? I know what I want.. but more than that want I want what you want for me.

I am excited to get to go to your house tonight, Lord and to hear Daniel Stewart preach. Will you give him what you would have him to preach to your children. And if there are any there that don't know you, Father, will you touch their heart and allow them to realize they can't make it without you? That you love them and did it all for them.

I praise you, my Lord, for coming to me one day and calling out my name and letting me realize my life was a show. That I didn't have you and that I needed you. That I couldn't make it without you. I fall more and more in love with you everyday. & I thank you so much for that burning desire in my heart.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

THANK YOU

Dear God,
Robbinsville was so beautiful, thank you so much! Thank you for the wonderful service and keeping everyone safe on the wagon train. You really have showed yourself today and I praise you:).

Thank you so much for allowing best friend and his brother to make it to the church and back home safely. Thank you for giving him to me as a best friend. He means so much to me. He asked for prayer, my Lord, whatever it may be that is wrong I pray that you be with him and touch him. Guide him and let him know what to do with the situation. Touch him and let him know you are near. Lift him up and keep his spirits high. Please, Lord, will you? Will you let your will be made known and fulfilled in his life and him accept it all along the way?

I am going to go rest now. I love you.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

TRAVELING GRACE

Dear God,
Will you please give us traveling grace tomorrow as we go to Maggie Valley and Saturday as we head into Robbinsville? Also while Daddy and the boys and Trish are gone on the wagon train.. will you please allow no one to get hurt? I pray for my best friend and Sam to have a good time and be blessed with traveling grace to Tennessee.

Thank you for a beautiful day and a fun day, my Lord. I love you so.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS

Dear God,
It's Wednesday! This is my favorite day! It's where you get closer to the weekend and I get to go to church and be with my church family and worship together with you. Will you come by tonight? I could really use it after the gloomy week I have had. Nothing bad is wrong, my Lord, it's just gloomy. Maybe because of the rain? I think you for it anyhow. My peaches I planted could really use it :). I am sure other people need a refreshing visit from you tonight at church, also. I think that's why Wednesday is my favorite day. Because, we get that encouragement at your house. I love you, God.

Oh God, 16 more days until Jeremy gets here. I am so excited and you have blessed me so much to let me find such a wonderful guy. God, I ask that everything works for your will and your glory. My life is in your hands.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

HELP ME

Dear God,
It feels like a Monday today. I don't feel well at all. Will you touch me? I like feeling good and I'd love for you to help me do so. I love you either way.

God, be with Jeremy today at work. He had a rough week last week, will you give him a good week this week? 18 days, Lord. I am so excited. Please make it possible. Help me, my Lord, not to do the wrong thing and mess up.

I know that I have failed you today, my Lord, and I am sorry. Guide me to do better and make good decisions that would bring you the glory in my life. Because, I want none for myself.

In Jesus name.

Love, me.

I AM WILLING

Dear God,
You have truly given us the most beautiful day. Although it was rainy, we need that refreshing relaxing day after church. Although it wasn't a lazy day for me.. thank you for giving me and my best friend a day of traveling grace. Oh and I must thank you for the wonderful church service we attended at James' church today!

I come to you with a request. Karlee's mother. Lord, I know it hurts Karlee that they used to be so close and then everything happened and everything in Karlee's world has changed. Give Karlee peace and touch her mother's heart. Allow her to receive you and be the mother she should be to Karlee.. Guide Karlee in what she should do with the situation around her mother. Help me to be the influence I should be to her, because I know that she looks up to me so much.

God, I ask you to please use me. I want to be used. I am willing to be anything you want me to be. I don't mind if I don't even know you were using me.. I just want to be used by you and grow closer to you. I want to do something magnificent just for you. Whatever it may be.

I love you, Lord. So very much. Thank you for redeeming me when I thought I was too far gone.

In Jesus name.

Love, me.

A PRAYER FOR A FRIEND

Dear God,
I want you take this situation and make it yours. Go to her and let her know what is right. Put it in her heart to do. Not go back to the way things were. Place that rejuvination in her heart to be what you want her to be. Everything you want her to be. I don't have words to say to her. I can't say that I have been there before because, truly, I haven't. All I know is YOU are the one that can do something about it. YOU are the one in control. When we are YOUR children we should want what YOU want. Allow her to see that. Let me be the friend I should be so I can give her the advice she needs. Since, I don't know the right advice I am seeking guidance to you. Lord, you and me both know she knows what it's like to be all yours and living for you. Let her experience that again. Show her you can have camp in your heart all year around and not just when you are in that building for that one week. Lord, I am yours. Use me in her life. Lord, reveal yourself to her. You are beautiful and mighty and I think sometimes we forget how holy you are. Reveal to her that you aren't punishing her and you don't want her away from him. You just want her. Convict her to want to be all that you have her be.. bring Philippians 4:6-7 to her mind everyday until she does it and has a heart knowledge of it not just a head knowledge. She can't have that fire if she doesn't seek you for guidance. I pray that you put your arms around her and allow her to feel that. I love you Lord and thank you for letting me have such an amazing best friend.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

180

My Lord just placed something on my heart. He knows I love to write. & I have decided to make this blog, a prayer blog. Everyday (if I get a chance everyday) I am going to post a prayer.

It's a complete 180 from my previous posts. I hope you enjoy.

Thank you Lord for placing this on my heart!

Aslo if you have a prayer request leave a comment and if you are just visiting send it to my facebook or my email jlynn_430@yahoo.com

I am excited about everything

I went to camp expecting rejuvenation.
I received salvation.
:)

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” —Galatians 2:20

Camp '10!

Camp is this week:)

I am so excited. Camp comes at the same time every year. But, this year.. it really couldn't have come at a better time in my life. Right when I need God the most. He sure does know how to work things out! For my good & His glory:).

Our church doesn't go to a camp that is famous or anything.

My brother, Chad, and wife, Nikki, started it about 5 years ago. I honestly can't remember if this is our 5th or 6th year there. After the first year, our church kept it going. All are welcome:). It's so fun!

Here in Morganton there is a common highway by the name of 181. On this highway there is a waterpark called Steele Creek. Across from Steele Creek there is a little road that looks like a private drive. Down that little road across a bridge there is a river and a field and lots of space, some bathrooms and a few cabins. My sanctuary. This is the place where once a year when I get bogged down by the rest of the world.. God rejuvenates my soul:).

I could stay at camp for a month and be completely content. If you experienced it once, you could do the same.

It's back in the "sticks" away from everything. No cell phone services & no electronics are allowed. I know, I know.. you poor souls. Really, I'm a person who needs her cell phone ahaha, because I'm always texting. But, up there.. things like that, are the last things on my mind.

There will be tons of new pictures when I come back next week!

My best friend - James Ashe

My best friend is coming over for supper tonight.
I am really excited.
I don't have a picture of him, so maybe he'll let me steal one tonight? We'll see.

I've always wanted a guy to be my best friend. Just because I like guys better than girls. Girls get on my nerves. Yes, Taylor is my best friend too. But, she's my girl. Having a guy best friend is different.

Since, I'm trying to put off cleaning the house for my visitor.. hahaha, I'll just tell you about him.
Let's see....

We haven't been friends very long. I have worked at Butch's since May? Or March.. or something. I don't even know. Haha, I did not like him at first. Only because, he reminded me of someone I didn't like being reminded of. But, it was just his looks. If you look at him now and then that person at I speak of.. they look nothing alike. I think it was just the glasses and I hadn't seen the before mentioned person in a really long time.

Anyways, I thought he was mean. But, again, I didn't know him. It's sometimes hard to tell when he's kidding or being serious. He's not mean at all. He can be; but, he's just kidding. He really does have a big heart. He's just a boy. He's extremely funny, which is a must if you're my friend.

When they put me on first shift in the kitchen, that's when we became friends. I was excited that he was a Christian and seemed to love my God just as much as me. So, I wanted to get closer to him. You don't find many people in my age bracket that want to serve the Lord. Then he added me on Facebook, & I found out he was a preacher! How awesome! Haha, I was even more excited.

I couldn't really tell you when I started telling him my secrets. But, he knows them. Down to the deepest one I have.

I think I can remember when I started telling him. I had a question about something one day and he could tell something was wrong. & he said "what's wrong J-Lynn?" it went from there. Then, he became my best friend:).

To settle it for some people, I don't like him like that. I don't have feelings for him like that. He's my best friend. I love him to death & I'd do absolutely anything for him. But, it's a best friend love. Yeah, I want to be around him and when I don't get to see him, I miss him. But, it's because he is my best friend.

I think that's how it should be with God. You should love him & want to do absolutely anything for him. You should want to be around him and when you don't get to "see" him or "experience" him.. you should miss him with everything in you. Because, he is your best friend.

Wordless Wednesday - Clayton

If I die young...

If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, before dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song.

Lord make me a rainbow. I'll shine down on my mother. She knows I'm safe with you as she stands under my colors. Oh, life ain't always what you think it ought to be. No it ain't even gray, but she buries her baby. The sharp knife, of a short life. Well I've had just enough time.

& I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom. I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger. Well, I've never known the lovin' of a man. But, it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand. There's a boy here in town, who says he'll love me forever. Who would have thought forever could be severed by a sharp knife of a short life. Well, I've had just enough time.

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done. A penny for my thoughts, oh no.. I'll sale 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. & maybe then you'll hear the words that I've been singin'. It's funny when your dead how people start listenin'.

Oh, the ballad of a dove. Go with peace & love. Gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket. Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em.

Put on your best boys & I'll wear my pearls

Today is not my day.

This morning.. Sunday School was amazing & during church I could feel God all over me and all I could do was cry..

Now, for some reason, I changed in the blink of an eye & I'm ill as a hornet! People just keep coming to my mind that don't act as they should... & I just wish that I could tell them exactly what I think of them. But, would that truly be the thing to do? Not really. & I know that.

A very smart lady that I know said that sometimes you have to wait to say what you want to say so that it comes out the way you want it to. **Thanks Judy**

This is true. I have to wait, because right now when I think of each of them, I get filled with anger. & God wouldn't want me to act that way. I want to be able to go to them in love.

Mercy, Lord help. I want my good mood back.

Last night, I had a great night with my girls:).

I will praise thee for I am fearfully & wonderfully made

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times. & at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you. But, the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry.. is how long must I wait to be with you?

Johanna would have been 9 months old today.

Help me Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know. But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same. 'Cause I'm still here so far away from home.

Isn't it amazing how a little girl that never uttered a word, spoke volumes to so many people?

I close my eyes, and I see your face. If home's where my heart is, then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been so homesick than now.

I still don't understand what happened, nor do I understand why. I know, that I will carry her with me no matter where I go. & when I get the chance I will tell her testimony. It's the purest, strongest, and inspirational testimony I've ever heard. Because of her, I get to share the love of Jesus wherever I go.

In Christ, there are no goodbyes. & in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have. To see you again.

She isn't the only reason I hold onto Jesus. I hold on to Jesus because of what he has brought me through and showed me in my life. Because, one day he pricked my heart and saved my soul. She's just an encouragement.

"I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works; that my soul may knoweth right well."
-Psalms 139:14

for my December.

I just want to go back in time, to American Honey.

Have you ever wanted to go back in time?

Times were simple. You were innocent and pure. You were simple minded and didn't think of the things that could hurt you. There really wasn't anything to hurt you. You had your imaginary friends and your Barbie dolls.

She grew up on the side of the road, where the church bells ring and strong love grows.

I remember once when I was about four or five, it was summer time. We lived on an old farm way out on 64. The way our house was built the basement was the lower part of our house. In front of it was a big yard area.. June Bugs come in summer time. Needless to say the little me was scared of them. But, Momma was showing me something she did when she was a kid. Tie a string around a June Bugs leg and let it fly around..

She grew up good. She grew up slow. Like, American Honey.

When I got over the icky fear that there was a bug on a string flying a foot above my head, I thought it was fun. Then, somehow.. that June Bug on the end of that string got all tangled up around me. & that thing got stuck right on the back of my leg..

Steady as a preacher. Free as a weed. Couldn't wait to get going. But wasn't quiet ready to leave.

Needless to say, I danced. Momma laughed.

So innocent, pure, & sweet. American Honey.

Looking back. I rather have that icky June Bug on my leg and have no care in the world than to be where I am today. With a burdened heart, and nothing but memories.

I like memories.

Hold on to the things that last.

Please say you'll wait for me, I'll come back someday you'll see

Like my face?
POISON OAK .. it's great. Really?
It's on both sides and my neck and it itches uggghh!!
Doctor gave me Prednizone (sp?)..
4 a day for 5 days.
3 a day for 4 days.
2 a day for 3 days.
1 a day for 3 days.
fun, fun, fun!!

On a bright note!! While buying medicine I got a new dress:).

Today Jamie is here, but.. she has thought a lot about her mistakes today. She has been regretful even though she knows the Lord has forgiven her. I'm losing her today. But, maybe I'll find her tomorrow. Actually, I know I will. I'll be around my best friend. He always brings out the best in me. The real me:).

I got lost in this old world, and forgot who I am

VBS ended tonight. Sad to see it go. I love getting together with my best friend's in the whole world and spending time with them. Especially if we are learning about God together:).

I made a new friend this week. Miss Chelsey!
&& I got to see one very good friend that I don't get to see very often. Mr. Dusty!
I also became close with someone I have known for a long time. Mr. Dakota!

I feel like I have been doing my old thing lately. Hanging out with my old friends, getting my mind on the Lord.....

I think I'm finding Jamie again, and it feels great.

:)

how true!

Wordless Wednesday - Taylor Ann Jacskon

:)

pretty much sums it up!

Coming Back To Life

They say you can't go back and relive you past. This being true, I believe that you can go back and live like your past.

So "my girls" & I lived like our past. It was the best fun I have had in such a long time. I was happy. Driving with the top down, listening to loud music, crusing the strip, and checking out guys trucks.

Really.

They were there for the guys.

Me? Being who I am, was there for the trucks:).
All we were missing was one of these............

..................... Dear Lord, allow me to someday contain enough money to buy something like this.
Amen.

We were missing that and we were so close the other night to having something like it.
Not completely like it. But, close. Hahaha.. well in my head.

Ru's truck.

Ru in his truck. She never gets pictures of the truck. Don't get it.
I need a picture of this truck. Y'all don't understand. It's my dream.

Big.
Loud.
Black.
Lifted.

Did I mention loud?
Just like I like my men.

Kidding; kidding.

I had so much fun.

I might remember a few Friday nights. But, I'll always remember my loves that were there for me. & the ones who I thought cared but really didn't. It's good when God places the best of friends in your life. The ones that love Him too. The ones that want what's best for you. & the ones that love you. The real you.

The real me:).

Behold The Lamb

After some things that have happened in recent months, weeks, ... days I have had a problem connecting with God. I couldn't feel Him. I can't stand that. At. All. It's like I need to feel Him. Like, I yearn for Him. It's just a necessity in my life.

Behold the lamb. I will worship.

Every morning, when I work, on my way to work is the perfect oppurtunity for some alone time for God. Well, Lauren Talley has become my sidekick. Her and I jam out everyday. We have got real close. Soul Sisters. Really, she's awesome.

Behold the lamb. I will honor.

I heard this song today. It was amazing.
I got chill bumps.
I felt God.
It was like I had a cure.

I have an addiction.
To God.
When I can't feel him, it's like I need a fix.
Well, this morning I did.

He is holy, He is marvelous, My strong tower, He is righteous.

& again when I was headed home.

The living word, Sacrifice, Restorer of my broken life.

My life isn't broken anymore.
What I have done in the past does not have to make me who I am.
It can help me help someone else whom I may someday come in contact with someday who needs someone. I will take my past and make it to glorify God.

I can just now look back and see where God has brought me from.

Behold The Lamb.

As truthful as I can get.

Since October of last year, I have went through a lot.

It started on October 23, 2oo9 with the loss of my niece, Johanna Raye Carswell.

I've said it before, I am not her mom or her dad. I didn't give birth to her and I'm sure my love doesn't compare to theirs at all, but like many others.. I was hurt and disappointed by her death. 63 minutes is a short time to live. I had a lot of anger and things towards God. I didn't pray and I didn't care. I fought this for about ... two months? Till December.

My December.

When I was to the point to where I couldn't take anymore and I couldn't handle it. When I thought I couldn't go on. Because, I wanted God but I was scared that my stubbornness had messed it up forever. God sent him into my life.

I remember the night he said "I don't know what God wants for us, but here's what we can do. Tonight, when we go to bed, you pray for what God wants and I will pray for what God wants." All I said was "okay." I planned to pray, even though I couldn't feel God, I knew He was there.

That night when I laid down, I planned to pray for him and I. So, I did.. and as soon as I started praying, I could feel God again.

My December.

I was so happy back then.
We went through this thing in about the end of December, beginning of January. I thought he didn't care, he was just busy.. it was just ridiculous. As soon as we fixed things I met somebody..

I was on a seriously good path with God, and I was when I met him. I remember the very first night we talked he said "you aren't one of those fake Christians are you? You talk it up and don't live it" I said "no, not me. I live the way I'm suppose to. Not perfect, but I try to live right" ...

I didn't know then that, that was a lie in itself. I changed. Completely. I wanted him to like me so bad that I changed the person I was. & I truly believe that if I would have stayed the same, and not changed. He would have liked me just fine.

However, I did change.

Things happened and we stopped hanging out.
I tried to live for God again and I was doing wonderful.

I met another person.

I hurt someone I loved very much to be with him. I actually enjoyed my relationship with him. But, I messed up and I hurt him. It hurts that I did that, and I, in all honesty, don't know why I did it. I do miss him, I won't lie. Because, I didn't change for him. I was still me. I was JamieLynn and he respected that completely. Because, he cared. I could be myself, I could stay myself. I always had fun. & he made me happy.

Oh well...

I've always wanted to save the whole world. I've always thought I was strong enough to stand against the "whiles of the devil" .. psht. No thanks. Can't do it.

I failed. & I lost myself. Literally. I ask myself, "where is Jamie?" Everyday. It wasn't anybody's fault but my own. I could have said no to a lot of things I have done. I could have stood up and said "nah". I could have not lied and I could have not hurt all the people that I care about.

As I said, A LOT has happened to me. I would go back and redo 2010 if I could. I would have said yes to some things and no to others. Being young is a hard journey haha, but in the end I know it's worth it. We're going to work on finding Jamie now. & being who she is suppose to be.

I have a problem with compromising a lot. I. refuse. to. ever. compromise. again. The end. I. will. not. I will follow God. He will be the heart of my heart.

I have spent a lot of time trying to save the people I love. In the process, I lost Jamie. Now, I have to set aside saving others and just pray for them. It's time to save myself. I have decided to follow Jesus.

It's time to do me!