I Get On My Knees

2012-02-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm going to make a new blog. Yes, I love this one a lot and I've had wonderful memories written down, and rants when I'm angry and prayers (true and fake) to a very gracious and worthy God. But, I want something fresh. I'm about to get married and I'm going to make a place for James and I's life to go... and so on and so forth!! I'm excited to start something fresh.

Here goes hours of perfecting a blog layout. It always takes me so long!! OCD!

I will put the link on here when it arrives!

<3

Mrs. Puckett (almost)

Holding Out For a Hero

2012-02-09T01:33:00.000-08:00

I want a courageous man.
I want James to be courageous.
I don't want to be the one that wears the pants in a relationship.

Love,
Mrs. Puckett (soon to be)

NOT A PRAYER ~ catch up!

2012-01-30T13:53:00.001-08:00

As I normally write a prayer to God, I haven't been here in so long. I pray to God everyday. I feel that when I first started the "I Get On My Knees" thing... it was my justification of prayer. Prayer is something sacred and intimate between you and God and putting it out there for the world to see was my way of being a hypocrite. In a way... Not saying that what I have written wasn't genuine (because it was) but, that was the ONLY prayer I said all day. Whenever I posted, that was my prayer for the day, the week, sometimes even the month.

So, here I am... just blogging. I'm not going to probably be here a lot because I have a Tumblr. But, I will once in a while. Because, I have gained quite a few followers while I have been away and I don't want their click of follow button to be in vain.

So, to catch up...

My last post (or prayer) was about a lady in our church losing the love of her life to a two year battle with cancer. It was heart breaking... I was scared to ever fall in love or be with anyone. But, little did I know a couple months later God would send someone into my life that I fell hopelessly in love with and we are getting married in June. I'm so excited and int he midst of plans everything is coming together. All I need now is a REAL job. Something that brings in more than 40 dollars a week!

Anyhoodle, he is amazing. Everything about him:) everything. At the moment we are going through marriage counseling with my brother (who is going to be the preacher doing the wedding) and he is getting us to write a paper (that I need to get started on) and making a list. 10 goals that I (and he) want to accomplish as individuals in our marriage and 10 goals that we want to accomplish together.

James and I have also decided to do the love dare. We don't have any problems in our relationship at all. We are normal and fuss (and when I say fuss I mean me more than him... he's so humble, bless him) over silly stuff. But, when we first started dating we were both Christians. I had just got my heart broken and was scared to date someone and I was trying to live for the Lord and he was a 'Sunday morning Christian' that ended up getting saved at a revival that we went to in April (sadly I broke up with him that night, but obviously we are doing awesome now!) Anyways, when we started out we mainly had our focus on God. However, we just kept going and got our eyes of God a bit. We didn't do anything bad, we just became comfortable, if you will. And, we are now (after watching Corageous) wanting to live for God and be the best husband and wife we can be to each other. I can't wait to start our lives together so we can glorify God together. I even left him a little note the other day that said "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together" ~Pslam34:3

It's not about us, it's about him and what WE can do for HIM. So, the love dare it is:) Just so we can get closer to God in our individual lives and while in the midst of that, we will become closer than ever to each other.

I love him.

Signed,

~Mrs. Puckett (soon to be:))

LOVE AND LOSS

2011-04-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

This weekend I watched Teresa lose the love of her life after they fought his cancer for two years. I haven't had this many sad emotions since Johanna died. My heart is burned and it breaks so much to see a woman cry out in the middle of a service and scream her husbands name... and then raise her hand in praise. The strength I see in her amazes me.

Just last week I was telling my mom how I wanted to get married so bad and have a family. That, that's the happiness I want out of life more than anything else... now that's the scariest thing to me. I'm scared to be alone for the rest of my life yet I'm scared that I would have to go through something like that someday and I just don't want that to happen.

I don't know what you have planned for me.

I know that I watched Mark struggle for so long but he was so strong. He never got mad at you. I haven't been through a glimpse of what he went through and I got angry and resentful towards you. And I want to serve you so bad but I have this fear that you don't want me anymore. I'm not really sure what to think of it. And I write these prayers to you, but are you really getting them? My faith used to be so strong and I don't know how to make it to that point in my life again.

I don't want to live wordly I want to live Godly. It's just I don't want to people to see me as a hypocrite. I don't want to be labeled as that for how I have lived my life in the passed.

Help me, God?

Love, me.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG

2011-04-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I am honestly not even really sure what I should say to you. I have lead myself out of your will and been to scared to talk to you. But, I read this thing today that it just makes it worse when I am so ashamed of my sin that I become silent to you and run away and not talk to you. Thinking that you want nothing to do with me. Why wouldn't you want anything to do with me? You created me? And I am your creation.

Sometimes, Lord, I just feel so messed up I don't know what to do. Some days I'm not sure even which end is up really. I know that you love me, and I know that you are there for me waiting for my return. And I have so many ill feelings in my heart I'm not sure that you really need me to be an example to others.

Today my Grandma told my Mom that I was such a wonderful girl. I just wanted to say to her that she doesn't really know me. If she knew half the things I have done that she wouldn't be so proud of me and that she wouldn't even want to pretend that she knows me... especially that I'm her granddaughter.

I know that I'm not the only person that has ever went through a hard time, but am I the only one that is too scared to talk to you from shame? So... I silence myself. And I have this fear that if you can't use me that you are just going to take me out of the way from this world and move someone else in that can.

I am low in my faith and I need restoration like no other. It hasn't even been a year since my coming back to you at church camp. I want that fire and that zeal and that peace and that contentment that surpasses all understanding back. It's is as if I don't know how to get back to it. I can't blame it on the weather anymore because well, the weather has been beautiful and my favorite kind of weather and I thank you for that.

I really do love you, God... even when I don't act like it or my life doesn't show it. I don't show it or act like it or tell you because, I feel like you are ashamed of me... but I guess, really... I am ashamed of myself. I don't know how to forgive myself so that I feel like you have forgiven me. I know that you have when I asked... I just want to feel it, and for that to happen I have to forgive myself for all that I have done.

I love you.

Love, me.

WINTER TIME

2010-12-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

What do you think of me? That's a question that I think is a VERY bold question to ask God. Because, I really don't think I want to know the answer.. but yet I do. However, with the way I am feeling I think that I know the answer. I'm not really sure when the last time I talked to you was. I have thought about you, but to actually say "hey God, you sure are beautiful today" it hasn't happened. I think it's winter. What a sad excuse. But, I don't like winter. I know, I know.. Lord, you made it and it's got to come.. it's part of your cycle. I just don't like being cold. I get bogged down and blue.

I am always the one person that tells people that you have to see the sunny side of life. I am totally seeing it. Six months from now. Even now. My life is turning around. You are getting the biggest hug ever! I am happy, Lord. I really am. Winter is just an excuse.

I don't have an excuse. I'm sorry. Forgive me?

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

SOMETIMES I CRY

2010-12-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I know without a doubt that I'm saved and that you are so good to me all the time. Yet, lately my moods have been ridiculous. One day I can be the happiest person in the whole world and the next it would be best for the world to just not to notice that I exist. Isn't that bad? When I'm your child and sometimes all I want to do is cry?

I grew up in church and I know all about you and your greatness and things... but still, sometimes I want to cry...

I should be happy all the time with the blessings that I have, that you have given me when I didn't deserve them. Does this happen to your other children?

I think I have an idea of what's going on but, I'm not sure. Will you please help me stay in a happy mood?

Oh & I'm going to school soon "/ ach! I'm so nervous. Today I have to go for my physical exam. Will you let everything turn out okay? I'm pretty sure I'm okay.. I suppose it's just one of those nervous things when you go to the doctor when nothing is really wrong, but you are scared you are going to have something.

Will you calm my nerves, please?

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

THERE IS A RIVER

2010-11-29T17:42:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
I have been thinking lately, that I am a lot like the woman at the well. My life was ruined and wasted.. and my soul was bound for hell. But then, I met the master and you told me of my sin and said if I'd just drink from the fountain.. I'd never thirst again. That really speaks to my heart.

I can tell that we aren't as close as we were. But, who's fault is that? Yes, Lord.. I know. Mine. I get caught up in so much. I'm not going to make any excuses.. because, well, Father.. there are none to make. No not one.

Thank you for making me happy. I haven't smiled this much, in a long time.

I love you.

In Jesus Name,
Love, me.

THROUGH THE FIRE

2010-11-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
Thank you a whole lot for our talk we had last night. I really have faith. It's really there and I know it's going to happen. :) I believe in you! One more time, God, just one more time.

Thank you for allowing me to go with Daddy this morning to sing at the Daycare. Those older people can barely remember what happens from day to day, Lord, but they all lifted their hands when asked if they still remembered the day that the Lord saved them.

Will you let more of you shine through me? So, I can stand and say "I am not ashamed" like the little lady at the Daycare. They are a blessing. Thank you for letting me experience that. & if you would like for me to, I'd like to go back next month when Daddy goes to preach. But, that's up to you. You can just let me know :).

Thank you for my progress in this uphill climb from the "problem" that I had. I know with you that all things are possible and that you will bring me through the fire. I know that with you I can do it. You will give me strength and courage and wisdom to stand up and say no.

You have my life mapped out before me and I don't want to do anything in this world to postpone your will. Remind me that the valley's only make me stronger and that in you I have victory. Keep me in your will so that I won't be in your way.

I love you, Lord. This valley has been very difficult, but, I believe with you I can still make it. I believe I'm through the worst part :) and that only better things are to come. I love you so much for calling my name.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

YOU'RE STILL GOD

2010-11-01T16:14:00.001-07:00

Dear God,
This life you have allowed me to lead has been an up and down battle since Johanna's first birthday. I know that you allow everything to happen to me for a reason, unknown to me. I also know that I could have stopped a lot of things that have lead me here. & I also thank you that you have forgiven me for failing you so miserably and horribly. I'm so wretched, yet you love me more and more as time goes on. You never fail. You have kept every promise you have ever made me.

No matter the heart break I you allow and I bring upon myself. You're still God. I never thought that I would want to rewind my life and redo everything. I thought I was this amazing person, Lord. But, I'm not. I'm vile, mean, rude, unworthy. Not good at all. But, none of us are.

You'll make a way somehow. There is sunshine in this storm. I can feel it :).

Thank you Lord for my best friend. I almost lost her the other day. I'm not sure exactly what I would do without her. She's the only one who has been there for EVERYTHING and never left me. Well, that's not true, now is it? That is you. But, you have allowed her to be my best friend to be here to help me through everything. Thank you.

I praise you and thank you for finally allowing me and pointing me towards the right kind of guy. I am still going to stick to my dating fast, however if you allow him to feel the same for me.. I will go for it. Is that okay? I believe if you let him.. it's okay. I can just feel you in the midst of it! :). It's all up to you, though. I will love you either way. Because, you're still God!

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

TAKE EVERYTHING

2010-10-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I want you to take everything I have. Every fear, emotion, thought, family member, friend, hobby, job, boyfriend/husband.. whatever may come my way in my life.. everything. Take the pain inside, take the brokenness, don't stop til there's nothing left. You can have it for your glory. I don't want it anymore. I can not deal with it. I can not handle it. But, you, my God, are the one who can. You are so powerful, long-suffering, and wonderful. You can handle everything I can't. You have already forgiven me.. yes.. but take me and although I don't deserve it, if you would like, use me. For you. By you. I am willing.

I have been so wrong to you , O God, and do not deserve your blessings. Yet I keep seeing them everyday. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are so worthy! I can not praise you enough for what you bring me to. You knew everything that would happen to lead me up to this point. You knew exactly what it would take. Although it was a hard lesson that may or may not be over.. You are in control of ALL things, my God. You are what was and is and yet to come. You know everything that is going to happen. I will not ask why. I am scared to death, but tonight I am stepping out on faith that you know what you are doing. Because, you do. Better than me or anyone else. Thank you for a peace that surpasses all understanding.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

2010-10-25T17:19:00.001-07:00

Dear God,

I have no where to start. I don't even feel worthy enough to come to you. I never knew that people were saying when they said "all the bad things I have done to Christ... & he still loves me, I don't understand why". I think I said that possibly because nothing bad had really happened to me. Other than the things leading up to my salvation. However, God, I failed you after my salvation. Has anyone done this to you? The way I did? After the promise they made and then back out on it?

I don't expect to receive your blessings for a rather long time. If I ever receive them again.. I just ask for forgiveness and your grace. I will never go back and never do it again. I am YOURS.

Please forgive me, I need your grace to make it through. All I have is you. I'm at your mercy.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

LET THE WATERS RISE

2010-10-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I haven't spent very much time with you today. I have either been chatting with friends, watching movies, or playing with my nephew. Even though those are very important things in my life, I could have stopped for five to ten minutes.. other than the 30 seconds it takes to say my blessing and pray and talk to you for a little bit. To open up your word and glance at a verse or two. Will you forgive me, Lord? Tomorrow, I shall spend some time with you. If you decide to give us good weather, I will go outside and find somewhere to go and sit for my Bible study and spend some time with you :). I think that'd be a perfect date. I know it says where two or three are gathered.. but, how about just one? Me. Will you accept that and come visit me?

This valley gets deeper as each day passes. I get more into myself and alone. I don't like it and want to be near friends all the time.. yet at the same time, I don't. Does that make sense? Of course it does to you.. you are God. You don't have questions. You know what's going on, that's why I'm telling you all this. There's a raging sea right in front of me. Wants to pull me in bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise, if you want them to, I will follow you. No matter what. Because, I know what it's like not to..

I'm holding your hand.

One of my close friends is in a new relationship, Lord. He's more like my brother. & I know how he is with his mind on school.. will you help him to know how to balance both, with you still in the center? I am so proud of him. He has done so good at following his dreams, and you. You let him get accepted into the school that he's always wanted to go to and major in what he's always wanted to do. Will you use him? I know you do in my life daily. He's so humble. Will you bless his girlfriend too? Because, she is my friend too and I want what's best for both of them.

I also pray for Nathaniel. Will you continue to help him and use him and bless him? He makes me smile. He has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met. He is so much like me it's insane! I've never met someone who understands what I'm trying to say. Thank you for giving me such a sweet friend.

My last request of the night, God. I pray for my preacherman. Because, this has been on my heart for a couple days. Will you give him the woman he is suppose to be with? The one that can take care of him and meet whatever he needs? Will you give him one that is in love with you? & wants to adore you and serve you like he does? I'm not sure how long it will take, but I just wanted to pray that for him, because it's been on my heart.

I am going to go now. I love you so.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

YOU SANG A SONG OVER ME

2010-10-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I am singing my songs in the night today. I am remembering all the good wonderful things you have done for me. You set my feet on a solid rock.. when I was in nasty old mucky clay.. hmm... I start to remember all the bad things I have done to you and then I remember you singing a song over me. I never want this love to end. Make a promise to me now that the love that I feel is so much more real than anything. You are everything God. You are my everything. You have given me a beautiful family that loves you and amazing friends that adore you too.. You have revived me. You have given me new life!

God, I really want to thank you for my new friend Nathaniel. He is a real blessing to me. It's nice to have someone that you can go to and talk about you and your love and your grace and your word and your songs. It's nice to know that there are still amazing people in this world. Good people. Godly people. It's hard to find in anyone. & I value this friendship you have given me. Lord, will you bless him? Will you help him? Help him to always stay happy and loving in you. He's such a sweet soul, oh Lord.

In my book, God, today wasn't a very good day. But, then again.. you gave it to me. So, I will count it as a blessing. I love you so much. & I know that I have began my journey through my valley. I will make it through. Because, you are on the God on the mountain.. just like you are God in the valley.

Will you come visit our church tomorrow? I liked it when you came by last Sunday. It was nice to feel you and spend time with you.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

FORGIVE ME

2010-10-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I think I will mark today down as a pretty good day. After all you gave it to me when you didn't have to. I love you for that. I know that I have failed you today. I fail you everyday, but today I know I did for sure. Will you forgive me for that please? & I won't ever do that again. I promise. I love you too much, Lord, too much to risk anything with you. I want all of you. I want to be filled with you and for you to know me personally and intimately as I want to know you. I want to be yours. I want you to use me. I am willing to be anything you want me to be. Lord, you've given new life to me.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM

2010-10-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Tonight I have started the bible study that the ladies at church are doing & so far I love the way it is set up! & the subject that it's about. Knowing who you really are in all your holiness! I notice how people, including me, put you on our level and think that just because we do something good for you that you owe us something when in fact everything comes from you to begin with so you owe us NOTHING! It's an amazing concept. & I love how it was pointed out to me that your love for me is not based on my performance for you. You never change and you have always been the same. What I think of you reflects who I am in every situation that comes my way. Oh, I just like this study so much!

God, you know the things that burden my heart this day. & I know that I am about to head into a valley. I can feel it, I may not be able to explain it but I can feel it. & I know that you are with me every step of the way and in the valley or on the mountain top I will praise you because one day you decided to call my name. & since you are nothing like us.. and at our best we are only a hint of what you truly are, you will never forget my name. I will praise you oh Lord and I will still love you. Because, you have chosen me.. you have called MY NAME! God, and as I go through this and in the midst of this, although it may cross my mind, I will never ask why, Lord.. Because, you know what's best for me. You have never had a counselor and you have never had a question that has crossed your mind. You know all things, you are all knowing and all powerful and you know what is best. You know just what I need when I need it. & You will give me just what I need when I need it. Thank you, Lord!

:) In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

ON FIRE

2010-10-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Thank you so much for loving me so good & one day calling my name!

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

I WANT WHAT YOU WANT

2010-10-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Will you settle my heart from feeling this way? I want to live for you, and I want you to send me who you want. I honestly don't know what to do with the feelings I have. I don't want to talk to anyone about them, I don't want anyone's opinion. I want your opinion and what you would have me to do. Who you would have me to be with. Will you place my feelings where you want them to be? I know what I want.. but more than that want I want what you want for me.

I am excited to get to go to your house tonight, Lord and to hear Daniel Stewart preach. Will you give him what you would have him to preach to your children. And if there are any there that don't know you, Father, will you touch their heart and allow them to realize they can't make it without you? That you love them and did it all for them.

I praise you, my Lord, for coming to me one day and calling out my name and letting me realize my life was a show. That I didn't have you and that I needed you. That I couldn't make it without you. I fall more and more in love with you everyday. & I thank you so much for that burning desire in my heart.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

THANK YOU

2010-10-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Robbinsville was so beautiful, thank you so much! Thank you for the wonderful service and keeping everyone safe on the wagon train. You really have showed yourself today and I praise you:).

Thank you so much for allowing best friend and his brother to make it to the church and back home safely. Thank you for giving him to me as a best friend. He means so much to me. He asked for prayer, my Lord, whatever it may be that is wrong I pray that you be with him and touch him. Guide him and let him know what to do with the situation. Touch him and let him know you are near. Lift him up and keep his spirits high. Please, Lord, will you? Will you let your will be made known and fulfilled in his life and him accept it all along the way?

I am going to go rest now. I love you.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

TRAVELING GRACE

2010-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Will you please give us traveling grace tomorrow as we go to Maggie Valley and Saturday as we head into Robbinsville? Also while Daddy and the boys and Trish are gone on the wagon train.. will you please allow no one to get hurt? I pray for my best friend and Sam to have a good time and be blessed with traveling grace to Tennessee.

Thank you for a beautiful day and a fun day, my Lord. I love you so.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS

2010-09-29T12:14:00.001-07:00

Dear God,
It's Wednesday! This is my favorite day! It's where you get closer to the weekend and I get to go to church and be with my church family and worship together with you. Will you come by tonight? I could really use it after the gloomy week I have had. Nothing bad is wrong, my Lord, it's just gloomy. Maybe because of the rain? I think you for it anyhow. My peaches I planted could really use it :). I am sure other people need a refreshing visit from you tonight at church, also. I think that's why Wednesday is my favorite day. Because, we get that encouragement at your house. I love you, God.

Oh God, 16 more days until Jeremy gets here. I am so excited and you have blessed me so much to let me find such a wonderful guy. God, I ask that everything works for your will and your glory. My life is in your hands.

In Jesus Name,

Love, me.

HELP ME

2010-09-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
It feels like a Monday today. I don't feel well at all. Will you touch me? I like feeling good and I'd love for you to help me do so. I love you either way.

God, be with Jeremy today at work. He had a rough week last week, will you give him a good week this week? 18 days, Lord. I am so excited. Please make it possible. Help me, my Lord, not to do the wrong thing and mess up.

I know that I have failed you today, my Lord, and I am sorry. Guide me to do better and make good decisions that would bring you the glory in my life. Because, I want none for myself.

In Jesus name.

Love, me.

I AM WILLING

2010-09-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
You have truly given us the most beautiful day. Although it was rainy, we need that refreshing relaxing day after church. Although it wasn't a lazy day for me.. thank you for giving me and my best friend a day of traveling grace. Oh and I must thank you for the wonderful church service we attended at James' church today!

I come to you with a request. Karlee's mother. Lord, I know it hurts Karlee that they used to be so close and then everything happened and everything in Karlee's world has changed. Give Karlee peace and touch her mother's heart. Allow her to receive you and be the mother she should be to Karlee.. Guide Karlee in what she should do with the situation around her mother. Help me to be the influence I should be to her, because I know that she looks up to me so much.

God, I ask you to please use me. I want to be used. I am willing to be anything you want me to be. I don't mind if I don't even know you were using me.. I just want to be used by you and grow closer to you. I want to do something magnificent just for you. Whatever it may be.

I love you, Lord. So very much. Thank you for redeeming me when I thought I was too far gone.

In Jesus name.

Love, me.

A PRAYER FOR A FRIEND

2010-09-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I want you take this situation and make it yours. Go to her and let her know what is right. Put it in her heart to do. Not go back to the way things were. Place that rejuvination in her heart to be what you want her to be. Everything you want her to be. I don't have words to say to her. I can't say that I have been there before because, truly, I haven't. All I know is YOU are the one that can do something about it. YOU are the one in control. When we are YOUR children we should want what YOU want. Allow her to see that. Let me be the friend I should be so I can give her the advice she needs. Since, I don't know the right advice I am seeking guidance to you. Lord, you and me both know she knows what it's like to be all yours and living for you. Let her experience that again. Show her you can have camp in your heart all year around and not just when you are in that building for that one week. Lord, I am yours. Use me in her life. Lord, reveal yourself to her. You are beautiful and mighty and I think sometimes we forget how holy you are. Reveal to her that you aren't punishing her and you don't want her away from him. You just want her. Convict her to want to be all that you have her be.. bring Philippians 4:6-7 to her mind everyday until she does it and has a heart knowledge of it not just a head knowledge. She can't have that fire if she doesn't seek you for guidance. I pray that you put your arms around her and allow her to feel that. I love you Lord and thank you for letting me have such an amazing best friend.

In Jesus Name.

Love, me.

180

2010-09-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

My Lord just placed something on my heart. He knows I love to write. & I have decided to make this blog, a prayer blog. Everyday (if I get a chance everyday) I am going to post a prayer.

It's a complete 180 from my previous posts. I hope you enjoy.

Thank you Lord for placing this on my heart!

Aslo if you have a prayer request leave a comment and if you are just visiting send it to my facebook or my email jlynn_430@yahoo.com

I am excited about everything

2010-08-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

I went to camp expecting rejuvenation.
I received salvation.
:)

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” —Galatians 2:20

Camp '10!

2010-07-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

Camp is this week:)

I am so excited. Camp comes at the same time every year. But, this year.. it really couldn't have come at a better time in my life. Right when I need God the most. He sure does know how to work things out! For my good & His glory:).

Our church doesn't go to a camp that is famous or anything.

My brother, Chad, and wife, Nikki, started it about 5 years ago. I honestly can't remember if this is our 5th or 6th year there. After the first year, our church kept it going. All are welcome:). It's so fun!

Here in Morganton there is a common highway by the name of 181. On this highway there is a waterpark called Steele Creek. Across from Steele Creek there is a little road that looks like a private drive. Down that little road across a bridge there is a river and a field and lots of space, some bathrooms and a few cabins. My sanctuary. This is the place where once a year when I get bogged down by the rest of the world.. God rejuvenates my soul:).

I could stay at camp for a month and be completely content. If you experienced it once, you could do the same.

It's back in the "sticks" away from everything. No cell phone services & no electronics are allowed. I know, I know.. you poor souls. Really, I'm a person who needs her cell phone ahaha, because I'm always texting. But, up there.. things like that, are the last things on my mind.

There will be tons of new pictures when I come back next week!

My best friend - James Ashe

2010-07-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

My best friend is coming over for supper tonight.
I am really excited.
I don't have a picture of him, so maybe he'll let me steal one tonight? We'll see.

I've always wanted a guy to be my best friend. Just because I like guys better than girls. Girls get on my nerves. Yes, Taylor is my best friend too. But, she's my girl. Having a guy best friend is different.

Since, I'm trying to put off cleaning the house for my visitor.. hahaha, I'll just tell you about him.
Let's see....

We haven't been friends very long. I have worked at Butch's since May? Or March.. or something. I don't even know. Haha, I did not like him at first. Only because, he reminded me of someone I didn't like being reminded of. But, it was just his looks. If you look at him now and then that person at I speak of.. they look nothing alike. I think it was just the glasses and I hadn't seen the before mentioned person in a really long time.

Anyways, I thought he was mean. But, again, I didn't know him. It's sometimes hard to tell when he's kidding or being serious. He's not mean at all. He can be; but, he's just kidding. He really does have a big heart. He's just a boy. He's extremely funny, which is a must if you're my friend.

When they put me on first shift in the kitchen, that's when we became friends. I was excited that he was a Christian and seemed to love my God just as much as me. So, I wanted to get closer to him. You don't find many people in my age bracket that want to serve the Lord. Then he added me on Facebook, & I found out he was a preacher! How awesome! Haha, I was even more excited.

I couldn't really tell you when I started telling him my secrets. But, he knows them. Down to the deepest one I have.

I think I can remember when I started telling him. I had a question about something one day and he could tell something was wrong. & he said "what's wrong J-Lynn?" it went from there. Then, he became my best friend:).

To settle it for some people, I don't like him like that. I don't have feelings for him like that. He's my best friend. I love him to death & I'd do absolutely anything for him. But, it's a best friend love. Yeah, I want to be around him and when I don't get to see him, I miss him. But, it's because he is my best friend.

I think that's how it should be with God. You should love him & want to do absolutely anything for him. You should want to be around him and when you don't get to "see" him or "experience" him.. you should miss him with everything in you. Because, he is your best friend.

Wordless Wednesday - Clayton

2010-07-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

If I die young...

2010-07-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down, on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, before dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song.

Lord make me a rainbow. I'll shine down on my mother. She knows I'm safe with you as she stands under my colors. Oh, life ain't always what you think it ought to be. No it ain't even gray, but she buries her baby. The sharp knife, of a short life. Well I've had just enough time.

& I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom. I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger. Well, I've never known the lovin' of a man. But, it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand. There's a boy here in town, who says he'll love me forever. Who would have thought forever could be severed by a sharp knife of a short life. Well, I've had just enough time.

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done. A penny for my thoughts, oh no.. I'll sale 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. & maybe then you'll hear the words that I've been singin'. It's funny when your dead how people start listenin'.

Oh, the ballad of a dove. Go with peace & love. Gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket. Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em.

Put on your best boys & I'll wear my pearls

2010-07-25T12:59:00.001-07:00

Today is not my day.

This morning.. Sunday School was amazing & during church I could feel God all over me and all I could do was cry..

Now, for some reason, I changed in the blink of an eye & I'm ill as a hornet! People just keep coming to my mind that don't act as they should... & I just wish that I could tell them exactly what I think of them. But, would that truly be the thing to do? Not really. & I know that.

A very smart lady that I know said that sometimes you have to wait to say what you want to say so that it comes out the way you want it to. **Thanks Judy**

This is true. I have to wait, because right now when I think of each of them, I get filled with anger. & God wouldn't want me to act that way. I want to be able to go to them in love.

Mercy, Lord help. I want my good mood back.

Last night, I had a great night with my girls:).

I will praise thee for I am fearfully & wonderfully made

2010-07-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times. & at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you. But, the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry.. is how long must I wait to be with you?

Johanna would have been 9 months old today.

Help me Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know. But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same. 'Cause I'm still here so far away from home.

Isn't it amazing how a little girl that never uttered a word, spoke volumes to so many people?

I close my eyes, and I see your face. If home's where my heart is, then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been so homesick than now.

I still don't understand what happened, nor do I understand why. I know, that I will carry her with me no matter where I go. & when I get the chance I will tell her testimony. It's the purest, strongest, and inspirational testimony I've ever heard. Because of her, I get to share the love of Jesus wherever I go.

In Christ, there are no goodbyes. & in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have. To see you again.

She isn't the only reason I hold onto Jesus. I hold on to Jesus because of what he has brought me through and showed me in my life. Because, one day he pricked my heart and saved my soul. She's just an encouragement.

"I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works; that my soul may knoweth right well."
-Psalms 139:14

for my December.

2010-07-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

I just want to go back in time, to American Honey.

2010-07-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to go back in time?

Times were simple. You were innocent and pure. You were simple minded and didn't think of the things that could hurt you. There really wasn't anything to hurt you. You had your imaginary friends and your Barbie dolls.

She grew up on the side of the road, where the church bells ring and strong love grows.

I remember once when I was about four or five, it was summer time. We lived on an old farm way out on 64. The way our house was built the basement was the lower part of our house. In front of it was a big yard area.. June Bugs come in summer time. Needless to say the little me was scared of them. But, Momma was showing me something she did when she was a kid. Tie a string around a June Bugs leg and let it fly around..

She grew up good. She grew up slow. Like, American Honey.

When I got over the icky fear that there was a bug on a string flying a foot above my head, I thought it was fun. Then, somehow.. that June Bug on the end of that string got all tangled up around me. & that thing got stuck right on the back of my leg..

Steady as a preacher. Free as a weed. Couldn't wait to get going. But wasn't quiet ready to leave.

Needless to say, I danced. Momma laughed.

So innocent, pure, & sweet. American Honey.

Looking back. I rather have that icky June Bug on my leg and have no care in the world than to be where I am today. With a burdened heart, and nothing but memories.

I like memories.

Hold on to the things that last.

Please say you'll wait for me, I'll come back someday you'll see

2010-07-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

Like my face?
POISON OAK .. it's great. Really?
It's on both sides and my neck and it itches uggghh!!
Doctor gave me Prednizone (sp?)..
4 a day for 5 days.
3 a day for 4 days.
2 a day for 3 days.
1 a day for 3 days.
fun, fun, fun!!

On a bright note!! While buying medicine I got a new dress:).

Today Jamie is here, but.. she has thought a lot about her mistakes today. She has been regretful even though she knows the Lord has forgiven her. I'm losing her today. But, maybe I'll find her tomorrow. Actually, I know I will. I'll be around my best friend. He always brings out the best in me. The real me:).

I got lost in this old world, and forgot who I am

2010-07-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

VBS ended tonight. Sad to see it go. I love getting together with my best friend's in the whole world and spending time with them. Especially if we are learning about God together:).

I made a new friend this week. Miss Chelsey!
&& I got to see one very good friend that I don't get to see very often. Mr. Dusty!
I also became close with someone I have known for a long time. Mr. Dakota!

I feel like I have been doing my old thing lately. Hanging out with my old friends, getting my mind on the Lord.....

I think I'm finding Jamie again, and it feels great.

:)

2010-07-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

how true!

Wordless Wednesday - Taylor Ann Jacskon

2010-07-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

:)

2010-07-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

pretty much sums it up!

Coming Back To Life

2010-07-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

They say you can't go back and relive you past. This being true, I believe that you can go back and live like your past.

So "my girls" & I lived like our past. It was the best fun I have had in such a long time. I was happy. Driving with the top down, listening to loud music, crusing the strip, and checking out ~~guys~~ trucks.

Really.

They were there for the guys.

Me? Being who I am, was there for the trucks:).
All we were missing was one of these............

..................... Dear Lord, allow me to someday contain enough money to buy something like this.
Amen.

We were missing that and we were so close the other night to having something like it.
Not completely like it. But, close. Hahaha.. well in my head.

Ru's truck.

Ru in his truck. She never gets pictures of the truck. Don't get it.
I need a picture of this truck. Y'all don't understand. It's my dream.

Big.
Loud.
Black.
Lifted.

Did I mention loud?
Just like I like my men.

Kidding; kidding.

I had so much fun.

I might remember a few Friday nights. But, I'll always remember my loves that were there for me. & the ones who I thought cared but really didn't. It's good when God places the best of friends in your life. The ones that love Him too. The ones that want what's best for you. & the ones that love you. The real you.

The real me:).

Behold The Lamb

2010-07-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

After some things that have happened in recent months, weeks, ... days I have had a problem connecting with God. I couldn't feel Him. I can't stand that. At. All. It's like I need to feel Him. Like, I yearn for Him. It's just a necessity in my life.

Behold the lamb. I will worship.

Every morning, when I work, on my way to work is the perfect oppurtunity for some alone time for God. Well, Lauren Talley has become my sidekick. Her and I jam out everyday. We have got real close. Soul Sisters. Really, she's awesome.

Behold the lamb. I will honor.

I heard this song today. It was amazing.
I got chill bumps.
I felt God.
It was like I had a cure.

I have an addiction.
To God.
When I can't feel him, it's like I need a fix.
Well, this morning I did.

He is holy, He is marvelous, My strong tower, He is righteous.

& again when I was headed home.

The living word, Sacrifice, Restorer of my broken life.

My life isn't broken anymore.
What I have done in the past does not have to make me who I am.
It can help me help someone else whom I may someday come in contact with someday who needs someone. I will take my past and make it to glorify God.

I can just now look back and see where God has brought me from.

Behold The Lamb.

As truthful as I can get.

2010-07-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

Since October of last year, I have went through a lot.

It started on October 23, 2oo9 with the loss of my niece, Johanna Raye Carswell.

I've said it before, I am not her mom or her dad. I didn't give birth to her and I'm sure my love doesn't compare to theirs at all, but like many others.. I was hurt and disappointed by her death. 63 minutes is a short time to live. I had a lot of anger and things towards God. I didn't pray and I didn't care. I fought this for about ... two months? Till December.

My December.

When I was to the point to where I couldn't take anymore and I couldn't handle it. When I thought I couldn't go on. Because, I wanted God but I was scared that my stubbornness had messed it up forever. God sent him into my life.

I remember the night he said "I don't know what God wants for us, but here's what we can do. Tonight, when we go to bed, you pray for what God wants and I will pray for what God wants." All I said was "okay." I planned to pray, even though I couldn't feel God, I knew He was there.

That night when I laid down, I planned to pray for him and I. So, I did.. and as soon as I started praying, I could feel God again.

My December.

I was so happy back then.
We went through this thing in about the end of December, beginning of January. I thought he didn't care, he was just busy.. it was just ridiculous. As soon as we fixed things I met somebody..

I was on a seriously good path with God, and I was when I met him. I remember the very first night we talked he said "you aren't one of those fake Christians are you? You talk it up and don't live it" I said "no, not me. I live the way I'm suppose to. Not perfect, but I try to live right" ...

I didn't know then that, that was a lie in itself. I changed. Completely. I wanted him to like me so bad that I changed the person I was. & I truly believe that if I would have stayed the same, and not changed. He would have liked me just fine.

However, I did change.

Things happened and we stopped hanging out.
I tried to live for God again and I was doing wonderful.

I met another person.

I hurt someone I loved very much to be with him. I actually enjoyed my relationship with him. But, I messed up and I hurt him. It hurts that I did that, and I, in all honesty, don't know why I did it. I do miss him, I won't lie. Because, I didn't change for him. I was still me. I was JamieLynn and he respected that completely. Because, he cared. I could be myself, I could stay myself. I always had fun. & he made me happy.

Oh well...

I've always wanted to save the whole world. I've always thought I was strong enough to stand against the "whiles of the devil" .. psht. No thanks. Can't do it.

I failed. & I lost myself. Literally. I ask myself, "where is Jamie?" Everyday. It wasn't anybody's fault but my own. I could have said no to a lot of things I have done. I could have stood up and said "nah". I could have not lied and I could have not hurt all the people that I care about.

As I said, A LOT has happened to me. I would go back and redo 2010 if I could. I would have said yes to some things and no to others. Being young is a hard journey haha, but in the end I know it's worth it. We're going to work on finding Jamie now. & being who she is suppose to be.

I have a problem with compromising a lot. I. refuse. to. ever. compromise. again. The end. I. will. not. I will follow God. He will be the heart of my heart.

I have spent a lot of time trying to save the people I love. In the process, I lost Jamie. Now, I have to set aside saving others and just pray for them. It's time to save myself. I have decided to follow Jesus.

It's time to do me!

Maybe; maybe not.

2010-07-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

I maybe absent for a while.
Either that or my next post is going to be extremely out there and honest.
It may be best if I stay absent.

Robbinsville! Robbinsville! Robbinsville!

2010-07-05T09:58:00.001-07:00

So, in my excitement we went to Robbinsville. & Cherokee, & MaggieValley.
But, in technical difficulties, I won't have pictures up until way later:(
My computer won't accept my chip. What to do?

Sho't n Sweet!

2010-06-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

My Morgan's birthday party.
no sleep.. AT ALL!
work at 7-2..
SO FUN!

Now, I'm at my best friend's house.
About to go see my Morgan for her birthday (which is actually today).
& my bigbigcousing. & Mikey to watch movies. Whooot!

Yesterday (the 25th).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA TYLER JAYNES!

Today (the 26th).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINA JEAN THOMAS!

Eclipse... the crips? no.. Eclipse.

2010-06-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ohkay, let's make it official. I do not like being adult.
I do not like paying doctor bills haha.
I wish I was still a kid. haha.
I have had to go to the doctor twice in the past month for the same thing.
Lame.

First time they did a strep test...
...................negative!
But, she looked at my throat and decided that I needed to take the antibiotic anyways.
So, I did.
10 days!

I was better.

Friday, at work I felt my throat a little swelled up. But, it didn't hurt.
Saturday, at work.. I felt it hurting. Then my head started hurting.. & this has nothing to do with it but my back was dang killing me.
Saturday, I came home from work, slept all day woke up feeling HORRIBLE.
Sunday, woke up the same way, but decided to go to church anyways. I was feeling ohkay by the time I got to church. However, by the time service started or was half way over I felt horrible.
No church for me Sunday night. But, I did watch Toy Story.. which I haven't watched since I was a kid, haha.

Today, called into work at 4:30am. Went to the doctor at 10 til 11.
Mono test...
............. negative!

Apparently, the strep I didn't have last time made a reacurrance. ?? Strange. Oh well.
I have officially lost 20 lbs. :) Awesome, I wasn't even trying. Hmm...

The doctor said that all this could come from kissing...............
But, since Jamie never does that................
She said it could have came from my toothbrush.
She votes the toothbrush.

By the way.
My boyfriend & I broke up.
Maybe we don't work out like we thought we would.

Well, I'm out of work til Thursday...
So.....................
who knows.

There is a youth rally I'm suppose to sing at this Saturday.
Oooo.. nervous. It's at my friend James' church.
It's Moriah Baptist in Hickory, NC. Come out at 7; this Saturday if you have nothing to do:).

I hope I feel good enough to practice with my SIL, Nikki, tomorrow night.

trying to describe myself. good luck.

2010-06-09T13:24:00.001-07:00

me.

i have tried and tried to describe myself. not to anyone in particular but i have sat and thought who JamieLynn really is. i have no explanation. maybe i don't know. but, i do. i have beliefs, fears, passions, etc... like everyone else.

i believe in God.
i believe in morals.
i believe in one life, one blood.
i believe in two eternities. heaven and hell. i choose heaven personally.
i believe Jesus died for me. when i was unworthy and he could have saved himself.
i believe in spending a portion of your life searching for your one true love.
i believe in serious happiness. full contentment.
i believe in best friends.
i personally love with all i have and hold my friends way closer than most people usually do.
maybe i have a big heart?

i fear darkness.
i respectfully fear God.
i fear horses, but i'm getting better.
i fear the ocean.
i fear tractor/trailers.
i fear death. but not in a sense of where my eternity will be spent but how it's going to happen.
i fear failure.
i fear sadness. only because it can consume you.

hhmmm..
i think i'm ocd. i have things i have to do and idk.
i think i'm weird.

this isn't describing me at all.
told ya, i couldn't do it.
so i'm going to go get dressed for church.
:) goodday.

Why can't I just live my life?

2010-06-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

I don't like being 19.
I don't like drama.
Why can't be life be content and you can just date someone without it?
Without people's two cents.
I could care less what they have to say unless it is serious advice and wisdom coming from experience and not putting someone down..

I care about a lot of people and all these people don't necessarily like each other.
But, I won't let them talk bad about each other.
I will not pick sides.
I'm tired of bickering.

I have a very dear friend that thinks I'm making excuses for not hanging out.
That's not it.
I have a very busy life these days.
I'm always running and doing something.
Just let me know, and I'll make time.
I love you.

I miss the old days.
I miss December 2009.
I was happiest then.
The very happiest I have ever been in my life.

I'm happy now.
But, back then was good too.

I wish I could just be with the one I'm suppose to marry and be with them for the rest of my life.
Instead of having to date.
I wish I could see God's GPS for my life.
Because, I need some serious direction.

I.Am.Alive.

2010-05-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

For all what.. 3 that read this? Haha.. I'm alive.
I have just been hanging out.
Working.
Hanging out:)
Dating:)

Haha.. yes. dating. can you believe JamieLynn has a boyfriend? A beau.. a man. Hahahha! Ohkay. i really do though. i never thought i'd date or nothing. it's just something i didn't think would happen for me. but, yes. today after we had supper with the jaynes' gang (minus tyler:(.) he asked me to be his girlfriend. behind a mexican restraunt. the new PanchVilla here in good ol' mo'town. that don't happen to every girl haha..

i have a dip can as a reminder.
please.. don't ask.
sort of reminds me of my brother and his wife, she has a orange crush bottle.. it's just one of them memory things.

i am happy.
i hurt someone i care about very much to get here.
everything just wasn't as easy as i ever thought it would be.
and i'm still sorry...
oh well, can't change the past. i can only work on the future.

my future is looking happy.
if only my job would become something that made me happy.. since i have to spend everyday there.

well, i'm sleepy. i had a long day.
when I got off work, Kg came and picked me up and we headed to the Jaynes' house.. then we headed to PanchoVilla for supper and then we just went to his house and hung out for a while.
Then me, him, and his sister went to see my long lost bestfriend, Taylor, at her new apartment.

hmm.. then we went back to his house.
got his sister's keys..
took her home and then he took me home.
& walked me to the door.
I am the first girl he has ever walked to the door:)

Hmm.. goodday!

God's been good to me, He's my closest friend.

2010-05-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

I don't have an update.

If I never see another dish in my life, I'll be just fine.
One hour, straight... 1:05-2:05.. no joke.
Still didn't get done:( sadface.

My bestsista Trisha (my SIL) got bucked off a horse Saturday.
I cried. Because.. I.couldn't.do.anything. to stop the pain.
I wasn't with her. Ol' James here don't ride horses. No way.
For that reason and that reason alone. You never know when they are going to start acting like that. The horse that hurt her has never hurt anyone, or bucked anyone. It was Trish's day, I reckon. It was part of God's plan for Trish's life right now, and you can always remember that... THINGS.COULD.HAVE.BEEN.WORSE. He could have stepped on her, she could have broke her neck, she coudl have hit her head and died. Bones.will.mend! Thank goodness.

We can't figure out how she broke her ankle. She doesn't know.
Anyways, she had to have surgery.
She has screws in her ankle and a metal plate in her wrist.

Three days later, she is doing a lot better. We just had supper with them. Momma's spaghetti! THE.BEST.SPAGHETTI.YOU.COULD.EVER.HAVE. Ask anyone, who has had it!!!

Work..
Momma taught me, if ya don't got nothin' nice to say, don't say nothin' at all.

Personal life?
I don't have one anymore.
There isn't four guys to choose from anymore.
There isn't a bunch of friends I hang out with every weekend anymore.
I don't like this adult thing.
I miss myf riends.
I miss those days.
I don't miss the dram or the choice of boys.
I miss hanging out with the greatest friends.. my little group.
Enjoying each other's company, riding down the road, deciding to take random trips...
AHH! :(.

Speak of guys. Well, sort of.
My Mom begged me to find a Godly guy today. She said "youa re doing so good with God right now, I beg you to stay away from those boys".. by those boys, sh means boys that are in the fire department, on the rescue squad, or want to be a policeman. For some reason, that's all I have went for in the past year. She told me to stick with guys like my friends Tyler & James. She said this because I have a friend that wants to set me up with his friend, who wants to be a policeman. The guy. Not my friend.. he is on the rescue squad.

I already tried dating him. hahaha.. but I ended up with his other friend. Who was a fireman. Oh & a bullrider.
Are you confused yet? Hahaha.. sorry.

She
wants
me
to
date
a
preacher.

Did you get that?

She
wants
me
to
get
me
a
preacherman.

Hmmm..

God and I talked about this. I'll take what He gives me. As long as he has blue eyes and is as in love with God, as me.. and hopefully more!

I need a shower.
Oh, and I have to finish laundry.
G'night.

Happy Birthday!

2010-05-04T19:30:00.001-07:00

Ohkay, so my birthday was.... four days ago? Hahaha!

It was such a good birthday!

There was about 13 amazing ladies there!

-Both my SIL's.. (Nikki & Trish)
-My Momma:)
-My 2nd Momma & Callie, & Dona!!
-Aunt Angie!
-Mrs. Holden & Miss EmmaLou!
-Jewel & Abby.
-&& my best friend Taylor:)
-Oh AND thebestlittlesisterinthewholeworld Karlee!!

Oh & it wasn't ALL ladies. Clayton was there!:):)

So I am now nineteen. & it feels no different than eighteen. I don't guess the actual age hits you until you are older. Maybe when I'm 30 I will finally start feeling older.

We went to this nice little Mexico place called PanchoVilla in Lenoir, NC. Then we headed to Bo's in Lenoir, NC. For some VIP bowling ball and some arcade games. My Mom played AirHockey for the FIRST time!! I couldn't believe it aka that is my favorite game, who ain't played that?!

After the arcade we headed to Tonya's house and when I got there I didn't know but they had set me up a surprise party:) & then we had a sleepover. No matter how old I get, I will never be too old for a sleepover with my girls:)

My Mom and Dad even sent me flowers at work:) I loved it. I had never received flowers anywhere before!
Hmm.. reminds me. I have to get my card from Jackie out of the car.. that has twenty dollars in it! haha..

Speaking of money. I get paid tomorrow!!

Work was ohkay today. Everyday is like a rollercoaster. One minute it's really fun, the next.. horrible. It is just back and forth.
I'm still praying for everyone. I pray God blesses them and touches them and gives them good moods and smiles!

Hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend!:)
Tomorrow is Wednesday! My favorite day!!

Google, Dinner, Work...

2010-04-27T17:52:00.000-07:00

I googled about the mines.. There ain't mines, just like I thought. However, they used to be gold mines here. (That's what I got from Mom) but that was a REALLY long time ago.

My birthday is this Friday. I'll be nineteen. More than likely it's just like being eighteen just a different number.

I wish I still had the plans I had to begin with.. however, a lot of things have changed in three months. It's ohkay though, I'll have fun Friday night at a nice little mexican restraunt in Lenoir, NC called Pancho Villa. Attending with me will be some of the greatest women I know:) let me rephrase.. I WILL be with the greatest women I know. My Mom, both my SILs (Nikki & Trisha), Nikki Deal, Tonya Jaynes, Angie Toney, hmm.. Clayton ain't a woman but he will be there:) he does pretty good hanging with the girlies..

"Any man of mine better say it fits just right when lasts years dress is just a little too tight.. anything I do or say better be okay when I have a bad hair day..."

You may be wondering why there are no guys (other than Clayton) well.. the men EVERY year (for the passed two years) they have planned the men's fishing trip on MY birthday. It's okay.. really.

"If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders, I know my brother, He will carry you.."

Work update? There ain't one really.. it's the same everyday. I just wish people were more happy? Carrying? Loving? Respectful? It will look up, I know. I've been praying for everybody in that place! :)

Back to the mines

2010-04-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hi ho, hi ho.. it's off to work we go! OHKAY! Nobody went to the mines.. are there even mines in Morganton? I don't think so..... I'll Google it later (because I google everything)..

"Here am I so unworthy of the blood.. but yet it flowed for me"

Surprisingly enough, I had a wonderful day at work. Nobody yelled at me for wearing my pants the wrong way, nobody flipped out because ALL the dishes weren't done, and nobody fussed because I was being slow.. hmmm.. however my mother got threatened to be whooped because she taught me to "wash dishes in cold water" .. woman, I didn't turn the heat off on the sink.. Hmph. My Momma taught me to wash dishes just fine, thanks!

Have you ever met someone who couldn't smile? Or didn't now how to reply to niceness? I can't stand when I pass someone and smile and they don't smile back. Come on.. your day can't be THAT bad to disrespect your fellow smilee.. Gee!

I'm babbling about absolutely nothing.

"& our daddy's used to joke about the two of us growing up and falling in love.. "

I'm about to go do my nails.

I have a special person on my mind.

& I wish Clayton would wake up... so we can play some basketball!

Revival tonight?

Prepare my heart

2010-04-24T13:08:00.001-07:00

I think God is preparing my heart for the rest of my life. So, I'm praying and meditating on some things.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." --Psalm51:10

I want God to make my heart pure again. I know that I have done so very wrong. But, God forgives and forgets my sin. Not because He is a forgetful God but because he chooses to. I thank Him so very much for being the merciful God that He is. I know that I can't go back to the way I used to be, because things will never be the same. However, with God's help I'm going to rekindle that flame that I smothered out with my worldly actions. I'm going to live for MY GOD for the rest of my life.

I had my taste of the wild side, and thank God it didn't last very long. I didn't like it at all. None of it. It's not important what all I have done, but He let me know I was His child with His conviction and I'm so thankful for that.

I've been through a lot in the last three months and so many things have changed.

As I said, I can't go back to the way I was because you can never replay or relive the past, but I can change my future and get back on the right path for serving my Lord.

Now, I ask Him to prepare my heart for what He have me to do. I will NEVER fall astray again.

I have lost my testimony. It will not be built back over night but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Drexel Carnival:) and a bunch of other babble

2010-04-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

I thought it was the fair until my Mom explained it to me. Hahaha.. It was just the fair but I had so much fun. I went with Tyler (you all know him or you should from earlier posts), Taylor (the best friend from earlier posts), Austin (picture from yesterday), & Bethany:) (you don't know Bethany.. she is Austin's girlfriend and the quietest person I have ever met in my life!)

Anyhoodle...

I had fun.

Got a text that made me smile when I got home:)

Hm.. to go down this road again or to not go down this road again, that is the question?

I'm officially broke. I spent 13 dollars on an unlimited riding bracelet and rode a whole of two rides. I should have listened to Tyler. Buy by tickets I would have saved like five dollars.

I rode the Farriswheel! (: My favorite ride!!!! I was so excited. All but I got scared when we stopped exactly on top and the riderunner guy said "don't lean forward or it will flip and you will fall out" and what does Tyler want to do at the top?! It really flipped me out. Haha.. he probably has my hand print permanently and forever on his legs. Ha, sorry for that Ty..

I was excited about the barn and stuff but that's because I thought it was the fair. It's wasn't the fair. But!! When the fair comes around then I'll be right there! Hahahahaha.. I'm such a kiddo. It's ohkay though:)

Oh, I took one step towards college the other day. I took a TABE test.. my basic education is good, I passed:). NOW I have to take CPR. Then, I can start my classes:).

But for right now I'm going to go to bed because I have to be at work @ 7 am. Oh by the way if you didn't know I now have a full time job!:).

I'm getting my relationship back with God too. FINALLY! Man.. I really messed up but no sin is bigger than grace.

G'night!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

"FAMILY" :)

Came out of nowhere & stood on the edge of nothing because there was nothing to stand on...

2010-04-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

I was watching YouTube last night and I came across this preacher man. His name is S.M. Lockridge (the late, he has now passed away). If y'all have heard of him I'm sure you have heard of his famous sermon "That's My King".. yes, that one is awesome. But, my favorite was this one.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD0okdlmzvE&feature=related) it won't let me have a code. Anyways, look at it.

My favorite part is when God came out of nowhere, stood on nothing, put his hand out into nothing grabbed a hold of something when there was nothing to grab a hold of hung that something on nothing and told it to stay there. (you have to watch it.. if you skipped it.. go back! It's awesome!!)

My next favorite part is when he talks about how when Jesus was on the cross and the theif told him if he is the true God then to save himself. Jesus never replied to him but the silence said "you will see" because it is better to come up out of the grave than to come down from the cross.

How awesome?! Haha..

Have a nice day:).. (if you have still yet to watch it.. do it!!)

Hip To My Heart

2010-03-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

What does that even mean? Hahaha..

Either way.. this song is cute:) Makes me like want to dance and stuff.

"Boy I want to be where you are.. can't even fall for some other man 'cause brother man you know how to get hip to my heart!!"

I was born 60 years too late

2010-03-30T18:53:00.001-07:00

It's true.. that should be me in that picture (on the right) but, it's not. It is my beautiful MawMaw (Mom's mom). I love this woman. A few of my friends said that I favor her but I don't see it. She is gorgeous though.. she still is!! They look like movie stars.

I just love that era! The clothes, the talk, the hair, the fashion period. The innocence.. All of it. Hmmm.. but no, I'm stuck in this era with an innocent heart of the 40's.. oh what to do? I'll just live in my little dream land and maybe get the guts to do my hair like MawMaw's because it's ritzy, swanky, spiffy:) hahaha..

Work work all day long..

2010-03-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

...... punching that clock from dusk till 2?

Ha, no that's not how that song goes. Its dusk till dawn but I don't do it dusk till dawn I do it dusk till 2! hahaha.. They gave me full time five days a week. It's going ohkay. I mess up here and there.. but, who don't? My back was hurting today I just sort of wanted to cry to tell you the truth of it all. But, it's ohkay... it's over.

Tomorrow marks a new day.

When I got in my car after work today I was listening to 88.1fm. (southern gospel station around here) and there was a song on and I liked one line in it...

"No sin is greater than grace"...

Ohkay, ohkay, ohkay..

2010-03-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead, I swear (for the seven of you that read this.. and possibly care. If you don't care, pretend you do so my feelings don't get hurt, thanks:)).

How long has it been since I blogged anyways??? FOREVER!!

What has happened since my last post? Hhhmmmmm...

From last time, I got sick again, a week later ALL night. Ughhhh.. every hour on the hour.. no joke. I was suppose to be at work that morning at 4:45am. However, I most definately called in and said I couldn't make it.

Around 4pm that same day I started to feel better so I went on a date:) Yes, you read that right. His name was Russell. He said he really liked me and I really liked him... but I don't know what happened, he just sort of stopped talking to me. I don't know what I did really.

From the last post, I also had fun with Ryan, Zach, & Carrie.. as usual. All but a few days after that things were said and me and Zach weren't very good friends anymore "/. Nonetheless, yesterday I went and helped them move into their apartment. It's going to be awesome once they get ALL their furniture in.

Yesterday, I honestly wanted to go home.. I just felt weird being around Zach and he kept saying things that ughhh.. I can handle anything but someone hurting my feelings. I'm not the type of person that can shake it off, when I didn't see that I had done anything wrong. In the end, somehow or another.. he just started being nice again and acting like the old Zach. It's still awkward a little but I felt more comfortable after he stopped being a jerk. I might go back over there today.. I'm not sure yet.

OH OH OH!!! I also got a PHONE! Ha, I'm the only person on the face of the earth that is 18 and had never had a phone. Everyone in school was always saying "text me" and I would say "uuhhh.. I can't" but now.. I CAN! & I like it better that I pay the bill ..

Oh, did I ever tell you guys that I got a job? I did, at Butch's BBQ. They recently put me in the kitchen. It's not as horrible as everyone says but it's not the best. However, I will do my best at whatever they put me up to.. I'm getting more days than I was, so that's good since I get paid by the hour.

I think that's all for now...
Pray for me though, please.
I'm going to now go watch Golden Girls:)..

That's out of nowhere

2010-03-04T19:32:00.000-08:00

I woke up yesterday morning to fried eggs and bologna that my awesome mom had made. Normally, I'd be like "awesome", grab me some bunny bread, a glass of water, and dig in.. however, I wasn't feeling it. I figured it was only because I'm not a morning person and I can't eat ASAP when I get out of the bed. No big deal, I waited about 20/30 minutes. Still didn't want it, didn't want to hurt Mom's feelings, ate it anyways..

I had planned to clean my room, but I felt icky so I went and took a quick shower (I know, it doesn't make sense to take a shower before you work.. just go with it). After I got out of the shower, the more I walked around or stayed up the worse I felt. I didn't understand.. I had just got over being sick..

Then.. I got this random headache. I don't like taking medicine for headaches it makes me sleepy. So, I just layed on the couch and ended up falling asleep. I slept all day long on and off... I couldn't even tell you about yesterday.. I was so hot though, not a fever... just physically, sweaty hot (gross).

I woke up with a worse headache than what I layed down with so I decided to go take some Tylonel (3 of them.. I wanted this thing to go away). The chugging of water with the medicine just didn't work I don't suppose.. because as soon as I went to lay down on my bed I got that watery feeling you get in your mouth before you throw up.. I was like "no... please.." Dad was in the shower, so I went outside, leaned over the porch and let 'em have it (the snow that is).. it was horrible. I rather give birth than throw up.. ohkay.. that was exaggerated but you get the point. I hate it. With a passion..

I didn't even get to go to church last night:(.

Today, I'm feeling much better:) They called me into work but I didn't trust my stomach to make it through the day. I partially cleaned my room and I ate a bowl of cereal. I'm doing pretty good...

All but, I keep thinking about this macoroni cheese pizza from CiCi's and it makes me want to hurl all over again... YUCK! I can't stand the thought of anything noodle now.. just because of that pizza. Ughhh!

But, that was all out of nowhere. I think it was just one of those 24 hr things.. thank goodness!

I'm excited because I have a full weekend ahead with my friends. Tomorrow I'm going to hang out with Carrie and Kayla.. might go see a movie. Saturday, I have Clayton!!! :):):) I miss that boy. Sunday, church:) & ChristinaJean is staying with me and we might stay the night at Carrie's if her Mom is cool with it. Monday, Zach & Ryan are coming to town:).

Have a good one!!
__________

"I like the way I can't keep my focus, I watch you talk you didn't notice I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together.. everytime you smile, I smile.." --TaylorSwift:).

One of those days

2010-03-02T19:14:00.000-08:00

Why do I feel like this today? Nothing has went wrong, I wasn't fired from my job, and nobody broke my heart. It's just one of those days where my feelings are hurt and there is no explanation as of why.

I have a guy on my mind. A guy that is the best man, to me, since my Daddy. When you can get that high on my totem pole you've done a seriously fine job, my friend. One minute, he's interested.. the next he's not.

".. judge a man by the size of his heart instead of his rear.. it's likely to do ya more good" --8Seconds.

That reminds me of him. All but, I'm not a man.. but I have a big heart and an even bigger rear. I hate how guys look at what you look like. Why is it so important? Nevermind, I understand. Looks aren't everything, but they sure do help. I look at looks too. & I always hit out of my league. Big time.. because this man, my friends, is gorgeous. I, on the contrary, not so much.

OH! OH! OH! (change of subject but oh well) I got a new dress:) A black one. I'm now the proud owner of a "little black dress".. I'm way too excited about this and even more excited that I swiped it for a great deal at Ross! :) You can ask Taylor, Kory, Sam, and Christina. It was serious.. I was in love!!!!!!! What's cool is it says it's a size 12. I am NO WHERE near a size 12. Ha, makes me feel all cute and stuff:)!

I can't wait for this weekend. It's full of fun ahead!!:).
I'm going to go sulk now hahaha, because I'm good at that today.
Have a good one!

Sneak Peek!

2010-03-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

I painted my room:)
This is all you get to see for now!

I like how I have a life now

2010-02-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

Obviously yesterday was horrible. I had, had a wonderful day until I got home and heard some things that people had said about me and my dad yelled at me.

Before my day went horrible, I had spent an awesome time with Ryan, Carrie, & Zack! It was fun, just as always!! We went to Los Arcos (it's not arcos but that's how I spell it because that's how me and my country slang pronounces it).. we always go to Los Arcos. It's just something that we do. We sort of made it a tradition without saying that it is a tradition. Anyways, after that we went to.. Carrie's house? I don't know yesterday is all blurred together. I do remember taking Carrie to Curves and Ryan, Zack, and I went to meet Ryan's new friend Hal at Morganton FD. Then we went to Salem FD, after getting Carrie, to pick up Zack an application.

After this, we went home (Carrie's house) and got dressed and headed to Asheville, because Ryan had promised for part of Carrie's Valentine's that he would take her to Build-A-Bear. Zack and me waited outside and talked. Good talk. Hahaha..

Let me point out that four "adults" don't fit into a mustang very well. Haha, if we would have wrecked.. Zack and I would have just died instantly. We were so close to the dash. Wow, hahaha..

When we got back to Carrie's house, we were all starving!! So DaddyGreg had made some awesome cheeseburgers! & we chowed down. After that, we watched the Hangover and then Zack took me home.

When I got home Dad fussed at me because he hadn't got the whole story or something. & he apologized today. I love my daddy:).

Everything that had made my night horrible, is now over. Because, I have talked to everyone that had to do with my post from yesterday.

I got called into work @ 10:30 this morning. No big deal. One of my best friends came in early and me and her had a good talk! After work, I headed over to Carrie's and spent about an hour with them until Ryan & Zack left. Then they headed back to Burlington and I headed home.

I am now sitting on my couch in our new living room (I need to post a picture! I'll do that later!) and today is a good day. A very good day. I get my first pay check tomorrow!! Excited about that.

Ahhhh.. now I'm going to go to Tokyo Diner and get some supper! Talk at y'all later!

P.S. I like how I have a life now.. work, friends, etc.. I feel like I have something to look forward to.

Stop it

2010-02-22T22:35:00.000-08:00

It's like everyone is mad at me these days.

I'm changing and people are bad influences on me. I think if you don't know someone you shouldn't judge them. & that they are some of the best people you could meet. One in particular is the best man I know. Other than my daddy.

Should we get into what you have done? How you have disappointed me? We have been close our whole lives and then you change just like that. I'm not hanging around bad people and I'm not making bad decisions. I'm just breaking out of my shell and for once in my life making my own decisions, they ain't bad. They are just mine.. made by me and not someone else.

I'm sorry to whomever I have disappointed. I don't see how. I have done nothing wrong.

I feel like people hold me on a pedestal as the preachers daughter and I'm here to tell you I'm like everyone else and I screw up too. Don't hold me high, I'll disappoint you. Obviously I already have.

I'm now crying. I'm done. I literally do not care right now.

It's like a video game

2010-02-22T01:03:00.003-08:00

I love when friendships and how they just grow. When you know more things than you should about someone.. that's when it's awesome. Hahaha, I oh so wish I could tell you about the last two days. They have been so funny and awesome. But, it's just things that stay between ~~friends~~ sisters.

Adventures, boys, and shananagans. :) I love it all. I love being young. I hope I can stay that way for as long as I possibly can. Of course, I will grow up and mature. But, I like the funness (not a word) that comes with being young. The late nights with friends and all that. It's awesome.

I feel like I'm losing some of my friends, but I'm gaining a couple extra. Like Ryan & Zack for example. I love these two boys.. I swear it's like I've known them forever and I have so much fun when they come to town. Can't wait till they actually move here for good.

You may still be wondering why the title is "It's like a video game" well, let me explain. It's a quote I made up. "Our friendship is like a video game, it just keeps reaching new levels" Ha, that's me and Carrie for ya. We reach a new level everyday and learn something we didn't expect from each other. I love it though:).

Well, I'm babbling. So, since it's four in the morning I'ma head to bed. I'll try to get on tomorrow and tell you about my day with Ryan, Carrie, & Zack!

This should be illegal although I am thankful

2010-02-20T01:34:00.000-08:00

It is now rolling around to 4:26am. You read that right. AM!! Why am I up this early on purpose? Am I sick? Nahh.. I'm not sick. I'm headed to work. I'm sure people do this all the time so why am I complaining.. but, I hate morning time. & the headache I got from forcing myself awake isn't the greatest feeling in the world.

I hear my pillow.. it's saying my name.

I do thank God though, that I have the ability to get up and actually go to work. That I actually have a work, all though I'm new, to go to. It really is great. I also thank him that I have a car, although not mine, outside warming up waiting for me to get in it. I thank him for this coat that I'm wearing right now to keep me warm, and the clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. Although, I probably won't eat breakfast, I think him for the opportunity I do have to eat and the ability to do it by myself. I thank him for my good attitude and optimism.

Even though I don't like them sometimes, I thank him for the problems in my life.. I'm not on crack, I really do thank him for them. Because, if there were no storms, why would we need God? & if there were no storms to recover from why would we see the need to praise him? Because, we would take him for granted if he just let us have our way all the time and there were no trials. Don't ya think?

Ohkay, it's 4:30.. got to be there in 15 minutes. Ha, last thing. I thank God I live so close to my work:)!

May I take your order?

2010-02-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know, my job is going great. I actually like taking people's orders. It's finding something to do when nobody is there that I don't like.. cleaning tables, sweeping, keeping the bar clean, etc.. I learned drivethru today. It wasn't that bad at all.. not like I thought it would be. Thumbs up for Travis. He taught me really well. & he has more patience than I'd ever have with someone new. However, my eardrum got confused in my left ear. With the heater blowing in it and then the wind outside .. it got confused and started thumping and now it hurts. Along with my RIGHT ear from the other night. You heard me right, double earache. OUCH!

I went to the MD yesterday. Boo! I gave the man 88 dollars to tell me I have an earache and a dry cough.. No way.. that couldn't possibly be why I came in!! Ughhh.. Well, I have medicine now so it's all good. I've been popping pills like a dopper. I'ma be like Nickelback and get me a Pez dispenser.

What else? Hmmm..................................

Chris! I could talk about him..
I miss him.
Alot! I know, I know "how can you miss someone you've never met?" well let me tell you. It's possible. It's like that longing to meet them.. and the only word for it is miss. I could have met him last weekend but weather, oil, jobs, and such got in our way. There will be plenty of weekends I'm sure. I just wish it to be sooner than later. God's will is always sufficient so it will be on His time anyways.

I have fallen on my relationship with God. I'm regaining it slowly but surely. Don't ask me how. It's personal and could possibly seriously hurt someone I really care about.. so I'll keep all reasons to myself. However, I'm working on it and praying. I'm waiting..

AMAZING SONG!

A day after, but he's still my valentine:).

2010-02-16T12:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Clayton's SECOND birthday.
Number two!
Numero Dos!
TWO!!

If you don't get it, he was two.
I plan on conjuring up an awesome post for him one day this week.
When my feet don't hurt, I don't have to work, and I'm over this cough stuff I have.

Did you hear that?
When I don't have to WORK!
That's right.
I have a job.
Me.
Jamie!!
I'm so excited.
It's not much.
But, I like it.
It's a job.. & I get paid:).

Anyways!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAYT!
(as he calls himself)
AUNT JAMES LOVES YOU!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

To the weary weary traveler, walking down life's road.

2010-02-09T17:17:00.000-08:00

I have the urge to write.. about what you may ask? I have no idea. There are endless things roaming around in my head. No joke.. all the time my mind wonders. Where you may ask? Nowhere in particular. & everywhere all the same. I spout out these random questions that just pop into my head.

For example (true story) about two weeks ago, me and my mom were in Wal-Mart picking up a few things and I wondered how many cars would fit in our Wal-Mart building. So I turned to Mom and asked "how many cars would fit in here?" and she laughed and said "what? I have no clue.." hahahaha!

Most of the time, if the question is seriously answerable, I'll Google it. I don't think questions are really that dumb. Because, if you ask them.. you become more intelligent when you find out the answer. True of False?

Since I'm writing about nothing in particular.. I'll tell you what I'm doing.

This morning I woke up with the worst headache I have ever had in my life. It has ceased to stop. Eased off, yes. Stopped, no:(. I have felt horrible all day and my stomach has hurt. That worries me, because last night Ryan was throwing up and they had to take him to the emergency room because he was becoming dehydrated. & that morning as me and Carrie were eating breakfast and she randomly gets up and goes to the door and starts to throw up. First, I thought she was faking it.. then, I heard it hit the ground. I told her I would come comfort her however, I may end up like that dude off Four Christmas' and say "I can't be around it! I'm going to do it too!" (haha, yes, I'm going to be a CNA also a Phlebotomist if I haven't already told you that!) She had a few bad apples (literally, she was eating apples, hahahaha!) Anyways, I woke up like that this morning.. and who did I spend my day with yesterday? Why yes, Ryan & Carrie. Hahaha!

As ~~we speak~~ I type, I'm eating shrimp and sipping on some tea. Sounds like I live in a big ol' mansion uptown. Ha, I wished. Nope, I just live in good ol' Salem in a now two bedroom one bath house. I love my house though. & It's sweet tea and deep fried shrimp from Harbor Inn.. Hey, a girl can dream.

Updates? I don't really have any. I may or may not get to see Chris this weekend. All depends. It'd be set in stone if Carrie didn't have to work a random shift of second on Saturday. Haha, but now we have tried to move it to Friday. We will see, God's in control:).

Also, I should soon be starting a job. It's not set in stone yet either (my life sounds like a bunch of if's, and's, and but's) however, when/if I do start.. I'm way excited! Won't be many hours but hey, it's hours I didn't have!

I'm done babbling. I'm going to finish eating my shrimp and my tea:).. goodday!

When did it all begin?

2010-02-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

Every girl wants a sister (well at least I always have). I wanted one my age though. Not younger or older. I always wanted a twin.. but I didn't want anyone to look like me. Just be my age.. I think that's why God gives you friends. So, you can have that sibling that is your age. And if you can find friends that true and faithful, at least one, you are set for the rest of your life!

Let me introduce you to TRISHA!

She's not exactly my age.. but close enough (4 years ain't bad).
You may think me weird, but this is the first snow that I ever played with her in:) haha. Man, I don't think I know how many years ago that was.. 3?! Maybe I should restart and tell you how I met her? Well, I met her 6 years ago.. did I like her? No. Why? Because, my brother did. Haha, my middle brother (Andrew).

This picture was actually on their honeymoon. But, back to my story.. no, I didn't like her. What little sister likes any of her brother's girlfriends? Not a normal one, that I know of. Takes the attention off the little sister, duh.. well, that's not what it was. Because, Andrew has never paid me much mind at all. It was just the fact of someone new coming into my life that I didn't know.

I actually don't know what made me and Trish become inseperable. Or really when I became her sidekick. We've had the conversation, trying to figure it out.. but we just don't know. We can't remember. We think it was one day when Mom needed something from the grocery store and Trish said she'd go get it for her and asked me if I wanted to ride along.

When did I start telling her my secrets, goals, and dreams? I have no clue.. It just happened. We just became inseperable. We just became sisters.

SIX years ago this woman came into my life! Just seems like she has been around forever. Seriously, I don't think life is imaginable without her. I'm not making light of that either. I literally can't picture life without Trish. I love that girl.

Her and Andrew have broken up three times, I think. And, everytime.. I think it was harder on me than it was them.. hahahahahaha! I don't even cry over my own relationships really. But, I did their's. I'm a weirdo. (we've established that a 100 times).

I think I could look at her the wrong or right way and she'd bust out laughing. I don't know what's so funny.. hahaha, am I that funny?! She thinks so. Hahaha..

I do her lunch runs when she's at work. I do her Farmville and Yoville because she don't have a computer. I spend the night with her when nobody is home. We call each other when there is nobody else to call.. We confide in each other when we don't want anybody to know.

That's just the way things are.

And that's just the way they will always be.

I suppose you can guess that I like her now. She's the greatest sister in the whole world. I know she's an inlaw, but in my heart.. that will never be so.

I'm her maid of honor:).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRISHA!

Groundhog baby!

2010-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to my amazingly awesome sisterinlaw, Trisha. Who is a dashing 23 today:).
I'm going to dedicate a whole post to her tomorrow.. Right now I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

G'night world!

Tear my house down, take me sledding, & buy me a dress

2010-02-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

Do you see that? Yeah, to your right there -->
That's what our living room looks like right now. We are remodeling our living room. The tile part used to be a porch but we closed it in, when we moved in and made it a bedroom (mine from when I was 7-10, but the Chad got married and it became Andrew's room and I moved into their old room) but now that Andrew is married.. it's going to be part of our living room. Hated to see him leave, but we sure could use the room. Just kidding! We have wood heat and right now it sits right in the middle of the kitchen (not safe for little redheads that run around or for people like me who are clumsy) so we are going to put the wood heater in this little part. I think when it's all finished and we get sheetrock up and all, it will look really good!!

It also snowed here in good old Mo'town. That's the second time this year.. That's seriously a new record for this place (8 inches both times) .. I love the snow, I really do.. however, the only thing I hate is EVERYTHING literally stops here when it snows. There is no school, no work, no church, no nothing. Really, it sucks..

The night that it snowed, I stayed the night with my sisterinlaw, Trish and my brother and Zachary! It was fun. I stayed there Friday and Saturday. Well, Friday about 11pm (yes at night) we decided to venture over to our lifelong friend's house.. Max. He has a big pasture with some big hills and it's just a tradition that we go over there and sled. We haven't done it in about 4 years though, because he has been in Iraq.. but we went and had tons of fun!! See....

To the left would be me and Trish:). You know, she's only been in my life for six years but it seems like I've known her my whole life. She's the sister I never had. Seriously.

To the right is Zachary (Trish's nephew) and Maci (Max's daughter)..

We had so much fun!!! It was Trish's first sledding experience (strange that these people have never went sledding)..........

It was fun, and Trish REALLY enjoyed it!! The next day we went sledding again.. but, I didn't. I just rode the fourwheeler. By the way.. I want a fourwheeler for my birthday!! Ahh, I didn't know how much I missed riding one until I rode Saturday!

My amazing ~~friend~~ sister is getting married in October. To my amazing ~~friend~~ brother Ryan. (no weird stuff.. haha, we just all call each other that). About two or three weeks ago Carrie, her mom, and me went looking for dresses and such. We found some!!

To your right you will see a very cute flower girl dress!! (oh by the way her colors are dark brown and burnt orange).. These are so cute, I love them.. & Carrie fell in love with them too. It was one of those moments where she said "That's it! That's what's in my head!" & when those moments happen, you know it's it. Hahaha, especially when it comes to your wedding with the man of your dreams. You just want everything to be perfect. (I talk like I know.. I don't by the way. Just to clarify). Hahahaha...

To your left you will find what I have to wear in her wedding. (Not just me, all the bridesmaids). I'm so excited to be the maid of honor in her wedding. I was actually, honestly, surprised that she asked me to be. When I asked her why she asked me (because it had been so long since we had seen each other or been friends) she said "I told you in the 8th grade that you were going to be my maid of honor.." I was like "wow" :). It was the sweetest thing ever! I really do love that girl. I didn't realize how much I had missed her has my friend until we hung out for the first time in a long time, about a month ago. I'd do anything for that girl. & I'd do anything for Ryan. She's hit a lot of bad frogs before she found the one that was right. I mean.. bad ones. Like, the wart covered slimy ones. Horrible, horrible, horrible... hahahaha, ohkay -- you get the picture. She's had some bad apples. Oh wait, we was talking about frogs. Either way, they were rotten!

To your right, you will find me in the dress. I never think I look pretty in much of anything.. However, I like this. I thought I looked rather decent in this dress. I like it, personally. & I don't say that about my body that often. This was also one of those moments when Sis said "That's it! That's what's in my head! That's the one!" Hahahaha.. love that girl!>I think).. Now I just have to get a job and earn the money.

Speaking of jobs.. everyone is always fussing at me about not having one. Welp, I know what I'm going to do with my life (never thought I'd say that I was going to choose this career, but well.. I am). I'm going to be a CNA. I've decided that for me being young and not having so many bills, that'd be good money for me. Also, all a CNA will ALWAYS have a job in America. Because, there is always sick people who need help and can't do for themselves. So there you have it, I'm going to go to school and become a CNA. Whatcha think about that?

God, I haven't mentioned you in this post and I'm sorry for that. I love you though and I think you very much for allowing me to have such a wonderful day!

This, that, and the other..

2010-01-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

We My uncle and cousin are remodeling our livng room today. The noise of concrete being sawed and rhythmic banging is driving me literally up the wall. I don't know if it is part of my OCD or if it is just something that drives me up the wall.. but, I can't stand rhythmic noises or thumps. Like, someone shaking their legs or tapping a pencil. The rhythm of it constantly gets on my nerves. Because, it's the same noise.. over and over with the same beat. I know, I know.. I'm weird. It's okay, really.. you can say it. I get it all the time.

It's just so dang loud in this house! I can't hear anything, at all. Mom is watching TV but, I don't understan how! Hahaha.. it will be over ~~soon~~ at five. I don't think I can make it that long.. the noise is really starting to make me mad. No joke.

I could be spending the day with my best friend.. but ~~my mom~~ somebody won't let me leave the house. I don't know if it's because if she has to suffer the earshattering noises, so do I? She said that my uncle may need something and I can run to Lowes and get it..

Speaking of Lowes! My brother, Chad, sent me yesterday & they had nothing he needed. I felt like an epic failure haha.. Plus, they had nobody working who knew anything in there about any thing that I needed. I was irrate, because I felt like I had let Chad down. Hahaha.. Seriously, so I learned that I'm not the girl for Lowe's runs! Send someone who knows what they are looking for. Because, that place is too big !! I could have done it if the workers knew what they were doing. I'm not saying that all Lowe's workers suck at life and need to find a new career (for any of you that work there) however, they should have a test that these people go through. Seriously. I'm sure there are awesome people that work there and know what they are doing.. I just didn't get a hold of those people yesterday. At all !!

Today, Chris had to go to the doctor to get a CT scan because he has a syst in his throat. His doctor told him that he wasn't going to rule out cancer so they did the CT san to figure it out. I ask that you guys pray for him, please. The word cancer is enough to scare someone. That's a serious thing. I always try to find verses that match situations and I wanted to find something that would help him out. & I found Psalm 91. The whole Psalm is amazing.. However, I favored one particular verse, that goes a little something like this...

"I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust."

--Psalm 91:2

Sometimes we ask why, and question. I know that I do it all the time.. sometimes it's just faith that we need. That's the only explanation. I know, in the past, I have had problems with faith. We just have to remember that God is our refuge and our fortress and we must put all our trust in Him:).

Have a beautiful day!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-27T11:02:00.001-08:00

This is CM (his name is Chris, by the way).

& I want to state that, I hate how the mic is in front of his smile.

Want to know what he is doing? He works at a racetrack as the guy that waves the flags or something.. hahaha, I know nothing about NASCAR or any other kind of racing.

Welp, that's Chris:).

Oh & you may be wondering about Zach? We are just friends. & that's all I want to be.

You may not care to read this..

2010-01-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

I'm annoyed, so I'm going to come on here and rant about it. I hate to be pessimistic on my blog.. because the last thing you would want to do is to come home from a long day of work or whateveryoudo and read about my annoyances.. I'm just going to list them so I don't have to disgust them and get more annoyed.

1. When people leave their plates at the table expecting the cook to clean it. They cooked, you clean it.. they also got the dishwasher ready for it so all you have to do is open the door and put plate, fork, & glass in the right place.

2. When people say "call me and I'll answer" and you call and they don't answer and then they say "I don't know what happened, try again" and so you try again and still they don't answer.

3. When people delete you off Facebook and are rude to you in front of you and then wants to know why you ain't texting them. Well, I wonder why?

4. The same people that deleted you off Facebook say "send me a new friend request and I'll add you" then.. you do, and they deny it. You're a jerk. I just want to let you know.

5. The fact that I'm annoyed by all of this, annoys me.

6. When people leave water in the dishes in the sink and when you have to go clean it up there is gross, nasty water everywhere.. how about you try it one time and see if you like it?

7. When people hint at, that they want what you have or something.. just ask for it. It's going to be yes or no. Don't make it all awkward.

Maybe it's just one of those days!

I think that's all, for now. But, if I think of more later, I'll let you know:).
Again.. sorry for the pessimistic point of view. My bad.

The answers to all of your questions..

2010-01-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

All two of you that have asked.. better two than none at all:) here was y'all's questions!!

What do you want to be when you grow up?
When I grow up I want to be a super model, hahahaha.. I'm totally joking.
Since I was a kid, seriously, I have always wanted to be a special needs teacher. I love those children, they are so amazing. I have had the oppurtuinty to work with them two years when I was in highschool at school here in Morganton called North Liberty. It's attached to one of our middle schools here (where I attended) Liberty Middle. However, I don't think I'll ever be a special needs teacher..

I think I'm going to go to school for some type of secretarial job or something, maybe a day care worker.. I'm not really sure yet.

Even though it's not a career, I'd love to be a youth leader when I grow up and mabe bring some RA's & GA's into our church if our youth ever grows big enough:). God lays youth on my heart a lot ..

What are you doing to achieve your goals?
I started a FASFA but I never finished it. I'm seriously terrified of school & new things. It's a serious problem I have that I am just now breaking out of my shell and trying to overcome. My aunt is going to help me with grants and everything when the time comes.

Do you really read your Bible every day?
Seriously, I used to and I was growing and learning so much in Him & I was so excited about it. Lately, (about the past month or so).. I haven't. I love it when I do though.. because scripture is always in my mind..

Thanks for your questions:).

Q & A?

2010-01-19T14:08:00.001-08:00

I don't have as many adoring fans as many of you, however, I want to do this anyways..

For those of you that do follow..

Ask me anything you want. Absolutely ANYTHING..
&& I'll answer in another post & get back to you:).

So, I'm thinking right now.. that I'm not going to get any feedback and be totally embarrassed & erase this blog at a later date, but who cares. We'll see what happens:) Hahaha..

So let me have it.. ask away!!

Oh the joys of being young

2010-01-15T21:23:00.000-08:00

I've never "dated" or "talked" to or "whatever" I'm doing right now. Seriously, I mean it. When I say never, I mean never people. Well.. nothing worth while or that even lasted. I must say "talking" to and "hangingout" or whatever you call what I'm doing is really fun. I guess I'm a little late in the game for all this. Because I am 18 and all. I suppose it's better late than never. I am also going to say, for the first time in a long time I'm finally content with my life. 2010 has started off with an awesome start:).

Today was an especially fun day. I got to spend the day with Carrie, Ryan, and Zach. It was fun. They spent the majority of the day riding Carrie's horse. Jamie, here, don't ride. I love horses. They are beautiful and fun. I absolutely love them. I am just scared of them. I can be around them and pet them and occassinally walk them around but I just can't ride. It's high up and I'm clumsy enough. I can't balance or something. Anyways, tomorrow they think that they are going to get me on this horse. Maybe they will, who knows what will happen.

Tomorrow, we are hanging out again. Tomorrow night we are going to Hickory to eat and then whatever.. I don't really know.

Sunday, Zach might go to church with me. I don't know if he will, but I really do want him too. After church, at around 3 or so we are going to head up towards the mountains. Carrie's mom's parents live up there and they invited me along on their adventure:). So I'ma go. It should be alot of fun.

I was alot better today with being myself around Zach. I think the more I'm around him the more he sees the real me because I open up more.

I have a story to share with you about an adventure we took tonight. Hahaha, it involved me, Carrie, Ryan's truck, a post, wax, & the grocery store. Haha, I'll tell you tomorrow though. I'm tired right now. G'night.

I love nothing more than good times with friends!

2010-01-14T17:22:00.000-08:00

It's true. I LOVE hanging out with my friends, almost more than anything in this world. I hadn't hung out with Carrie (girl in the pictures you are about to see) in almost a year. We got into some ridiculous highschool fights back in the day & just stopped talking, went in different directions, & started hanging out with different people. True friends stay, so I have heard. She's more like my sister. We've been through it. That's what you call real friends, right there!

So here you go, without further adoo.. pictures I have promised for over a week now of Carrie, Ryan, me, & the new kid.

No, haha, this isn't the new kid. Obviously I'm not the one kissing him on the cheek (there was no cheek kissing or any other kind of kissing for my family members that read this blog.. put your guns, knives, & other weapons away).. this however, is Ryan & Carrie:) They are actually getting married on October 30th. We tried on wedding dresses this same day, but I can't post those pictures because Ryan might see her dress!

This however, is the new kid. We ain't dating. So again, family members & over protective brothers *coughchadcough* put your guns, knives, and other ammunition away please. Anyways, this is him. He's a really cool guy.

This is me & CarrieLee in the back of Ryan's truck (yeah, the "gentlemen" stuck us in the back. They should have let us drive, hahahahahaha). We were on our way to Bo's in Lenior. I had never been there before, but it was actually alot of fun. Haha, we bowled in the VIP section. Get at me:) Hahahaha.. I really should take bowling to the next level. I'm talking major league here. As the gutter queen of course:( Hahaha.. not bowling in a while really gets to you.

This is Carrie & the new kid. (His name is Zach by the way. I'm so tired of writing the new kid when I can just simply spell out Z-A-C-H). She officially adopted him as her big brother haha.. because she's never had one and she thought he would make an awesome one, I suppose. This is when we were all saying our goodbyes before Zach & Ryan headed back to Burlington, NC.

Last, but never least, this is Carrie & Ryan again. They are so cute. & they really do love each other. As Carrie adopted Zach, I adopted Ryan:) Just because, the ~~kid~~ man is really funny. So we are all a big happy family! hahahha:).

At this moment I am currently washing clothes, so I can hang out with these lovely people again tomorrow, & Saturday. I'm pretty excited because they really are a lot of fun & lots of laughs are always involved. I will try to get some more pictures within the last couple days, maybe a video or something, just because you know me and my camera:) Hahaha.. I have a "green child" as Ryan said, or maybe Zach, not sure which one. Anyways.. my laundry is calling. Catchya later!

Work on your heart not your body

2010-01-13T21:07:00.000-08:00

I know you have heard me mention the book "The Truth About Guys" by Chad Eastham. Amazing book, I advice every teenage girl to read it. I've read it like three times & I always get something new out of it.

I love how God shows you things right when you need them. Y'all know that I have had a problem with my body lately since the incident at the dress store with the new kid.. & about me following my flesh instead of God, Himself. Well, I was reading this book just now, before I was going to lay down & it says..

"God wants you to put down the mud that you're playing in and trust him. He has a treasure that he will give you instead. The treasure is something beautiful and won't easily slip away. God wants you to focus on your heart, not your body. You can trust that God's plan is better than your own, and he's working in someone's heart right now as you read this book! He is working to make that heart one that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. But now it's your turn. A friend of mine once said "Your heart and body should be so wrapped up in God that a man has to go directly to Him to ask for it." Wouldn't that be nice? A guy who asked for directions from the only one who knows the answer?"

That my friend, was amazing. That my friend, made me cry. Ahh! I love how God works. I think I might be getting this thing sorted out. Still trying to slap myself right in the flesh & look to God for guidance in my life.

You need to smack yourself in the flesh..

2010-01-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

Thought I would slide in here before we leave for church.. (all 6 of you that follow:))

At this moment I'm having an OCD attack because my sheet is coming off my bed. I'm going to choose to ignore it because like my mother says "it's easy Jamie.. it's going to be okay!" hahaha. The world will not end if my sheet isn't fixed. It won't end even though my perfume bottle is turned the wrong way, it won't end even though my mirror is a little crooked, if I don't go back and then forward again on my iPod, or if my drawer isn't closed.. **breathe.

I really am OCD, I should be tested for it, so my parents will stop thinking I'm crazy. Anyways, that's not why I'm here..

I'm sure all of you that have a relationship with God have been through this little perdicament that I am about to share with you. Flesh vs. God. Know what I'm talking about? Mine involves CM & the new kid. I feel like maybe, just maybe God wants me to be with CM. When the new kid hurt my feelings and such, all I wanted was for CM to be there for me.. & of course he was, because he said that he'd "wait forever".

Wait, wait, wait.. let me redo this. To make it simple for y'all!

GOD:
I believe God is telling me to go more towards CM. Because, CM loves God just like I do.. & through out all our fighting & me even talking to someone else.. he has been there & stayed & we can still talk on the phone for four hours without the slightest feeling of awkwardness & laugh our butts off. I found a quote in this book I have (Truth About Guys by Chad Eastham)..

"True friends don't spend time gazing into each others eyes. They may show great tenderness towards each other, but they face in the same direction --- toward common interests and goals--- above all, a common Lord" -C.S. Lewis.

CM & I do that. We are the BEST of friends, & I can truely be me around him.. & he loves God. We have actually conversations that last a lengthy amount of time about God, church, the Bible. I've never had that before..

Although he lives far away, if God would lead me & my heart in that direction, it would work out. Just because God doesn't make mistakes.

FLESH:
The new kid. My flesh wants him. Not in a gross way, I'm not for all that stuff. I mean.. the new kid appeals to me. Yes, to my eyes, but also to my.. I don't know the word. Interests?! Not that CM doesn't. Here's the thing. The new kid is saved & he does go to church. However, his spiritual walk does not line up with mine. I'm like 52435390 times ahead of him. As horrible as this sounds, I can already feel my relationship with God weaken. I'm not like quitting church, cutting my hair, & joining a cult. (apparentally when I miss church it makes the news, it did last Wednesday, anyways). Anyways.. it weakens because I'm not asking God's guidance in our "relationship" or whatever it is. I'm just doing it.

I believe everything happens for a reason & the new kid was put into my life for a reason. Maybe for me to be an example to him & encourage him to be where he needs to be with the Lord. Possibly not as a girlfriend, maybe just a good friend.

I can't read him though. I'm normally pretty good at reading people. But, his pages get stuck together. Drives me insane when I can't figure someone out. You would think if you spent two days with someone you would be able to read them a little better, but I can't. He's mysterious.

So, there you have it.. my dilema. Not really a huge one, but it could be. I'm still fighting my flesh. My best friend said "you need to smack yourself in the flesh" hahaha, love that girl.

Maybe just maybe, if I asked God's guidance, it'd be clearer on who to date. I'd figure out which one is suppose to be my friend & which one is suppose to be my beau. Hm.. I feel like I'm in highschool again. I never had guys in highschool. I "dated" about.. 4 in four years. But, three of them were in the 9th grade. Oh my, oh my..

Hmm.. whatadooo?! I hear the church bell, seeya!

Mr. Potato Head..

2010-01-12T17:43:00.000-08:00

Or not so much Mr. Potato Head, as Mr. Clayman wearing the the Mr. Potato beard. I find this creepy, hahaha.. everyone else finds it funny.
Well, I guess it is:) Hahahaha, silly kid!!

Oh & we have to add an Aunt James & Clayton picture. Just because Clayton said "cheese" hahaha, he tried to take a picture of himself.. but he just can't aim yet. He'll learn, if he hangs around me long enough.

I promise that I have not forgotten about my pictures with the new kid.. my friend just hasn't uploaded them to Facebook yet.. however, I will get them. If she doesn't upload them, I'll upload them when I go to her house this Friday or Saturday:)!

You may be wondering if Friday or Saturday at her house has anything to do with the new kid, well yes.. it does.

Good day!

I'm not that girl..

2010-01-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

I keep telling myself that..

An incident happened the other day & ever since, I have compared myself to that girl. I don't look like that girl. I'm not as skinny as that girl, my hair doesn't do good like that girls, I can't get my makeup to do that, my eyes ain't that blue, my teeth aren't that white, my clothes don't fit me like that.

I wasn't jealous of that girl, because I love who I am (inside). I was jealous of the fact that she could make him look at her like that. I was jealous because I can't make him look at me like that, because I'm not that.. & I never will be. It'd take years. I wasn't completely jealous, I just felt bad about myself.

In the last two weeks, I've lost 11 lbs. In the right way, no. Hahaha, but 11 lbs none the less. & they all seemed pointless & at loss.

Here's what I'm getting to. I am not put together.. at all. I have decided, I'm going on a diet & some serious excersize. & in like a year or two I'll look like that girl. Well, I don't want to look exactly like her, but I'll be a Jamie that I'm happy with & I can wake up & be like "Jamie.. you are pretty:)" & smile at myself..

This isn't a new years resolution. It's a jamieswantedtobeskinnyforyearsspurofthemomentdecision thing. Hahaha:)

Sydney Grace & Johanna Raye

2010-01-09T21:24:00.000-08:00

There is this babygirl named Sydney Grace who is about 3 days old that was born with the same thing Johanna was. Trisomy 18. The doctors gave her parents the same news as they gave my brother and his wife. That if she lived till birth she'd only live a few minutes or hours. Well God is showing off and she is doing really well last I heard her heartbeat was 130. I believe.

I thank God for showing off in their lives.

Johanna isn't someone I think about alot. Don't think me a horrible person. I love that little girl. I just don't think of her. She's always in my heart and I do think about her, just not alot. Makes me long for her and hurt too much. Thinking of baby Sydney made me want her today. I missed her. && I was envious and jealous that Sydney's family has her. & I hope and pray that they have her for many years. It just all made me long for Johanna.

Sometimes I find it hard to cope with or believe that God didn't set out that will for my family and me. That's all.

Disclaimer: iPod touch.

Mirror Image..

2010-01-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

I follow a blog called "The Dialogue", I like this blog & she is a very tallented writer!! I personally think she could be a very successful writer. Anyways.. her post for today was about what you see when you look in the mirror. & I thought about that, and thought that I would do a post on what I see when I look in the mirror. Physically & Spiritually & everything else in between.

This will probably be the most truthful post or really anything I have ever said. I'm going to try really hard to write what I think about myself. It's slightly a challenge to sit down and find things to say about yourself. Both positive & negative. It's simple to find negative things, but to focus on positive is hard to find, sometimes.

Let's start with the physical features & whatnot:

When I look in the mirror physically I see, a tall girl. My height only bothered me in middle school. Because I was taller than everyone. But now, it's fine.. I'm taller than all my girlfriends, but I'm shorter than all my guy friends, & that doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable in my height.

I also I see green eyes that used to be hazel, but one day they just stayed the same. I used to want blue eyes, because I have a fascination with blue eyes however, I like my green eyes now. I just think there should be more songs about them. I listen to country, & they always sing about blue or brown eyes. However, yesterday I heard one about green eyes. They are rare, but they should be more or them. Anyways.. I like my eyes now. I think they are pretty:) (Yes, that is a picture of my eye).

The next thing I see is a heavy girl. My friends yell at me when I say that I'm heavy. They go all "no you aren't Jamie!" haha, & I say "don't play.. I'm not dumb" I am.. don't listen to them. However, as much as I don't like this aspect of me, I'm learning that when I insult myself, I'm insulting God. I'm trying to lose some weight so I can adore myself more as God adores me.

I like my hair.. When I was a kid it was short from ages: 9-11 (those are pictures y'all will NEVER see!) So, I like it long, & I keep it that way. It will probably always be this way. Every now & then I'll cut a couple of inches off.. but that's rare. Anyways, I like the color of my hair, & since it's naturally like that, I like it even more:)...

Spiritually, I see someone who loves God with all her heart, but struggles & trips over her own will. But, that's okay.. God is helping me out with that.

I'm going to go get ready to hang out with my best friend, sorry for the cut off of subject.. this is a little more of what I see in the mirror.

Oh & don't worry, I'll get pictures up of me my time with my friend Carrie, Ryan, & the new kid soon:) Probably tomorrow. I haven't gotten the pictures yet. Carrie will add them to Facebook, tonight.

Talk at you later!!

New kid.. Well he's not really a kid.

2010-01-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

Alright, alright. I have got to get better at this bloggy thing. I used to blog everyday. Not so much anymore. Only because, my life just ain't as exciting as it used to be. Enough with the excuses!!

About this new kid, you may ask? Well let's rewind to the post before last.
CM had upset me. Well.. things were getting way better and the truth is.. he was starting to realize what he had done wrong. So he apologized and whatnot so I was thinking.. FINALLY we can move forward.

Well, Saturday night I went "outonthetown" haha with my friends, Carrie & Lacey. Carrie is getting married in October & me being her maidofhonor went to help her look at stuff. Well, while we were in Hickory she gets a call from her beau. Which is cool bc I've personally never got to talk to him or meet him. Well at the time of his call he was camping (don't ask. I couldn't figure out why they were camping in January either).

I think all this was an evil little plan she had scheming in her head.. she just won't admit to it. Evil plan or not she said "Ryan has a friend that's single". I was like "ok?". She talked about how he wanted a girlfriend and I was thinking.. If he randomly pops up & would talk to someone he doesn't know something has got to be wrong with him. However, there isn't. The new kid (who ain't really a kid bc he's 21) is pretty dang cool. && not bad looking:) haha. Looks don't matter, I know. But they sure do help. So, anyways..

We have talked on the phone since Saturday night & text and things. & Ryan and him both live about 2 hours away. Well, tomorrow Ryan was planning on coming up to see Carrie anyways and the new kid is going to tag along to see me. I find this cool.

I'll be hanging out with him Wednesday & Thursday. I'm sure I'll get pictures so I'll be sure & post some:)

Where does CM come into this you may wonder? Right now we are just friends I suppose. My decision completely. I told him about the new kid because I wasn't going to lie. So, I believe this is all.

I'm confused about everything really. I'm just going to have fun and enjoy myself. I'm only 18 once.
&& you never know what God may have in store.

P.S. The new kid is probably going to go to church with me tomorrow too. Which is cool.

Disclaimer: from iPod touch.

Movies Mayham.

2010-01-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

Today has been a most good day for the first day of 2010:)

I'm glad. Everything is getting better! && uh.. idk.

Tonight, I went to the movies to see "Did You Hear About The Morgans?" It's a cute movie. I'm not a big fan of Hugh Grant.. at all. I'm sorry, I've just never really liked him.. but this is a cute movie. & if Ray, Wyoming existed.. it'd be my dream home. So beautiful:)

We originally planned to see Avatar.. but it was sold out. Sadface. Then we were going to see the BlindSide but we had to eat supper at my Granny's & I poured drink on Trish's pants so she had to change so we were late for the movie. Sadface. My bad.

I want to see Dear John so bad. Have y'all heard about it. With Channing Tatum?? Who is the most beautiful man I have ever ~~met~~ seen in my life. Ahh! Talk about celebrity crush<3 style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 307px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 478px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/7700000/Dear-John-channing-tatum-7741268-307-478.jpg" border="0">

Anywho!! He's beautiful & I'd also love to read the book!!

This post is pointless. Seeyalater:)

Happy 2010

2009-12-31T22:38:00.000-08:00

2009 has been a different year. If you would have looked at me January 1, 2009 & been like "Jamie your year is going to be like this..." if you would have told my sisterinlaw was going to get pregnant again & have a babygirl but that baby girl was going to have a chormosone thing called T18 & was only going to live for 63 minutes & that I was going to be very angry with God for a very long time.. and that I was going to have a literal breakdown in front of about 15 people at church camp.. I would have looked at you like you were insane.

However my year did hold that. Nikki did get pregnant with the most perfect babygirl I have ever laid my eyes on. I don't think even my own children could measure up to her perfection. She did have a disorder called T18. & she did only stay here for 63 minutes. Those are times I'll never forget.. I was mad at God for a very long time. I tried to find light in the darkness of the situation, but you know.. sometimes it's hard. I chose to give God the "cold shoulder" -- take my advice & never do that. Lean on Him & let Him direct you. That was in all honesty the hardest thing I've ever went through. & even when I told Him it was okay that I wasn't mad anymore and that I wanted to come home. He let me know I was welcome but I had some reprocuations of some serious silence. A silence that lasted 3 months.

Other things in my life that will remain unspoken happened also so it wasn't all because I gave God the cold shoulder.

Most of everyone I've told has thought I was crazy.. even CM. However, when I met CM, he was just amazing to me. We decided that we didn't know what God wanted in our lives but believed God had lead us to each other & that we should pray about what to do next. God had been silent to me for three months & in that three months I continued to pray because I knew God was there.. so I prayed about the CM situation & in the midst of my prayer I felt God's precense. I will never ever forget that night. I felt Him. I cried.. haha, I don't think I've ever cried that hard because I could feel Him. It had been so long. It was a foregin feeling but a feeling that is so undescribable & amazing.

Now you can understand some more why CM is so important to me. God used him.. I believe. One of those things where God works in mysterious ways & uses people you would never expect.

By the way. Things have gotten a lot better. I didn't even disect anything today:) I got a very.. what's the word?.. sweet text this morning. & it's just gotten better. I truely believe God sent CM my way and my mind will never change about that. That's why all of this has been such a big deal to me. I thought I was going to lose someone that had such a big impact on my life. && for once in my life, I thought it was worth it. & I felt like I had something to fight for:)

This is all so jumbled. I'm sorry. It's 2:00am & I'm tired. We had a wonderful watch night service and God came by just like we all asked Him to do. I love Him so much & thank Him for His wonderful glory that He graciously bestows upon me and my family & my friends.

I may have grew up in a bubble. && at times I disliked my parents for that bubble. But, now.. looking back I thank God for that bubble. Because without it I know for sure I wouldn't be where I am today. My life is beautiful. Even though it has some clouds of gray & showers of sadness. However, if we didn't have the bad days what would be the need for prayer? If we didn't have bad days.. why would we need God? So, I thank Him for the bad days. & I thank Him for the good.

My song for today: "I Have Been Blessed"..
God is so good to me.
Precious are His thoughts of you & me.
No way could I count them..
There's not enough time.
So I will just thank Him for being so kind.
God is so good, so good.
I have been blessed:)

Getting Better?

2009-12-30T20:52:00.000-08:00

I suppose you could say that. If I was a simple person that didn't look at anything twice and analyze every detail.. well I wouldn't be Jamie if I didn't do that. However, if I was like that then I could say that it wasn't getting better. However, since I'm a disector then it is getting better. I take every text as getting better depending on what it says and what the attitude in the text says. Call me weird if you like. He does. Hahaha, so does everyone else.

I'm still tired of feeling like straight up crap. On a good note.. I haven't cried today:). I've kept my day busy and have filled my mind with other things. I have, on the other hand, figured out that when you are in the quiet of your home at night before you go to sleep everything you could have been thinking about all day comes back and hits you like a ton of bricks. I'd rather it to be a ton of feathers. Even though they way the same the landing would be slot softer. Unless of course they were packed together. Hmmmm.

Anyways!! It does. So I haven't cried (knock on wood, wish on a star, and pray).

Speaking of stars... I can't see any because it is snowing AGAIN! I'm one to enjoy the snow. Not so much when it's been here for two weeks and the whole town stops production when it hits the ground. I refuse to be stuck in this house again because my best friend is out of town and can't come save me. BTW: I miss her. & can't wait till she comes back home.

I watched Paranormal Activity today. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Creepy, yes. Scary, not so much. But of makes meno less scared of the dark. Just saying. Want a laugh? Thought so.. stupid me thought it was real hhahahaha. Because I'm cool and got that into it. I thought it was real footage. I liked the movie though.

Have any of y'all seen it?

Disclaimer: from my itouch ignore mistakes.

Like You Care.

2009-12-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd update you on CM for all three of you that read my blog.

Uh, not a whole lot has changed. Just a little. He talks more and isn't so distant. I took my amazing SIL's advice and did not pretend that I didn't know him because when I thought about that would have made things so much worse. I really do care about him. I mean.. I just do. God knows because I talk about it with Him all the time. Things are just different and after talking to CM, he didn't find anything different. He's just "scared to get hurt". I care about his feelings and I understand that he has been hurt a lot in the past but if I hear it one more time... Anyways, is it necessary to compare me to those girls? Because I can promise him one thing, I'm nothing like any girl he's ever met. Most everyone knows that. My dear ol' dad told me the other day "there aren't many like you. In fact, there's none like you". That was in the middle of his "I'm proud of you" speech. Which by the way are my favorite speeches:).

BACK ON TRACK! One more question.. Is it necessary or fair to put me with those girls? Liking he is waiting for failure. && to keep from getting hurt he accidentally hurts?

Why in the midst of all this confusion... I still find him as perfect as I ever have?

So many unanswered questions. So much time.. I need a life. Hahahahaha.

(once again coming from my iPod touch. Sorry for mistakes:))

My Favorite Part of Christmas..

2009-12-27T17:07:00.000-08:00

No, it wasn't getting what I wanted.

&& it wasn't seeing my nephew get a thousand toys.

&& it wasn't about seeing my sisterinlaw's nephew get a good Christmas.

It wasn't about the Christmas Play @ church (even though Jesus is the reason for the season!)

No.. it was about this.

Seeing my nephew play in wrapping paper & having the time of his life.

Even though he got:

-blocks

-guitar

-tricycle

-tent

-guns

-laptop

-etc...

He loved the wrapping paper. Don't you love how kids find the simple things?

I wish I could do that more often...

Just find the simple things:)

Catchup on the last three weeks..

2009-12-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

Why do I find the need to blog endlessly about a guy? Because I have nothing better to do with my life. Okay so before I get into this too deep.. I met someone. && no he infortunatley does not live here. Anyhoo.. We have talked for about 3 and a half weeks. Before you go weird on me let me inform those of you who have followed me from the beginning.. T has nothing on this guy. Never has and never will. This new guy.. Shall we call him, uh.. CM. That's not obvious, anyways!!!

When me and CM started talking no joke he is like the boy version of me even my dad said "this could be the boy I have been praying for". When my dad says something nice about a guy and then let's me call him after meetig him online.. that's crazy my friend. Because my dad doesn't care much for the good ol' 'net. Which I understand when it comes to all the things that have happened to people on there and stuff. Anyways. When I started talking to CM it was awesome. We have just about everything in common which is a big deal to me because I never have everything in common with a guy. The thing that we had in common that we had most of all was God. If you know me or even half of my heart of hearts you would know that Godliness is NUMBER 1 thing on my Guy List For God. I have always wanted to meet someone that loved God as much as me and we could build off what He wants in our lives and that's what me and CM have done. We started praying about it all......

Long story short? Because I know if I were you I'd be begging me to just give me the short story because this is boring.

He is so scared of getting hurt he basically pushes me away. Not on purpose. It just happens like that. So on accident he hurts me to keep from getting hurt. He then decides that maybe we just moved too fast and I agree with him and we decide to start over...

I'm going to point out bow ridiculous it feels to sit there and pretend that we don't know eachother. Because I know what makes him tick... what makes him happy, sad, angry, laugh... && I have to pretend I don't.

Any words of wisdom? Don't diss me 'cause I'm young. Give me some real advice and encouragement.

This is coming from my itouch so apologies about anything misspelled or whatever:)

:) :) :)

2009-12-17T13:26:00.000-08:00

I love making DVD's if you don't know. Taking pictures and videos and putting them to music or words and it's just a lot of fun and they mean a lot to the people you give them too. I always make them around Christmas time because it's a good meaningful-from-the-heart gift. & it will make you cry and laugh your hindend off at the same time! Because yes, me.. I am cool like that!

We (as in my best friend & I) have been trying to make a video for a friend of mine.. and we are trying to be serious but we just keep cracking up. It’s so funny. I think I’m going to send them to my friend anyways.. because it’s the real us acting crazy. It’s a lot of laughing and camera shaking because I can’t be serious.. Ever. It’s impossible to be serious when you are with your best friend. True story.

You probably do not care that I had to pee. (Sorry). But.. that's what happens at 1:someodd time in the morning and you have been laughing for an hour straight. This isn't the funniest one. I deleted the way funny one on accident"/.. I was upset. But it's okay.. we will make more funny ones! Plus when I'm 70.. it will be fun to sit around with her & watch them:).. Because yes, we will be bestfriends forever.

Jesus Take Everything!

2009-12-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

If you know me in the slightest you know that I express myself through music. I find music that describes how I feel in that certain moment or even that day.. I absolutey love to find songs that describe how I feel about my Savior.. I have two that are on my top list right now. They are called "Find You Waiting" by DecemberAdio and "Take Everything" by Seventh Day Slumber.

The one you get to experience today is Seventh Day Slumber. I recently found this band about two months ago and they are absolutey amazing. Joseph Rojas (the lead singer) has a beautiful testimony. God saved him from crack addictions and all sorts of things, you should look him up.

I can honestly say they are my all time favorite band EVER! It's just an amazing group. He said that he started singing because he wanted to give something back to God for all God had done for him. && music was one thing he was really good at.

I have had this song, and many of their other songs on my iTouch for so long and I know the words but sometimes it's where you like the music and you know the words but you never really LISTEN to them.. well in the video below, he spoke the words before he sang some of them.. && it spoke volumes to me.

ENJOY! :)

Another melody,

Another empty song,

I tell myself that I have praised you,

And try and make believe

This is all you want

But once again I know

I’ve missed it.

Praising you is not just the songs I sing,

Jesus here I am

Take everything

Take the pain inside,

Take the brokenness.

Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.

My arrogance, my pride,

The loss of innocence,

Jesus, take everything.

There’s nothing left I need,

That’s when I feel alive.

Holy Spirit fall Fresh upon me,

You can have it all.

Take the pain inside,

Take the brokenness.

Don’t stop til there’s nothing left.

My arrogance, my pride,

The loss of innocence..

Jesus, take everything.

Amazing Love

2009-12-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,How can it be

That You, my King, should die for me?

Amazing love,I know it’s true.

It’s my joy to honor You,

In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,

I’m accepted, You were condemned.

I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,

Because You died and rose again.

It truly is amazing love.

I can't believe that, above all things.

He loves me more than anything.

&& you if you didn't know:)

Thank you my God!

I love you.

Happy Birthday Kory!

2009-12-10T09:26:00.001-08:00

I don't agree with how he lives his life, and he knows that..

But he's still my cousin and we have still been there for everything in each others life. && even though sometimes he breaks my heart, I still love him very, very much.. & so does God. He's the only friend I've had since birth & I love him a whole bunch!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BIG BIG COUSIN!

Johanna

2009-12-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

I'm not the one that talks about Johanna alot. But I was doing my bible study tonight and I thought about her because today we had a luminary service at her grave, it was neat.

This verse is what I wanted to share with you:

John 4:11 says "...This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby"

So true, huh?